A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:People think I am doing great because of what I portray for people to see. It is really hard to leave personal issues at the door when it affects my family. I still love my kids dad despite the horrible things he have done to and upon me. We've worked things out several times but he shows no actions of me trusting him again. I am a good woman with great accomplishments and more to come, big heart, completed college, help with what I can help with, took big responsibilities by taking care of my kids dads first two kids from his first marriage while he was away for a few months in the military prison, took care of all five of us on my income alone because the NAVY kicked him out and the list goes on. That's how much I loved him, loved our family until he cheated on me. I am still heartbroken but dealing with it better than before. I am getting ready to have my second child by him and shows no concern. I have been feeling alone, used, hurt all over again and wondering if he cares at all. My family shows priceless amount of support but we need it from him. I don't know what to do sometimes but cry myself to sleep praying to GOD for forgiveness and guidance. When I look at my daughter I ask GOD how can a dad just give up on my daughter and soon to be son? How can a 40 year old so called man neglect a beautiful daughter and handsome soon to be son?My kids are the ones that keep me going. Advice on how to deal with it better.
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cheated on me, heartbroken, military, navy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI apologize if I may have confused you but we're not married. He really wanted to however, I'm glad my mother told me to hold back.
I've been to counseling. It really helped out. But it would have been better if he was there so she can hear his side. I would continue the session however, the hourly rate is pretty up there.
We left him (my daughter was a year old). I had enough of the rude remarks, the put downs. My response towards that was even worse. Although I should have kept my negative comments to myself, I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't hold back. So, I said a few negative things. There was no way I was going to leave my daughter with him as he states he couldn't believe my parents came to take here when I was packing my belongings while this whole thing was happening.
Thank you all for your support and great advice. I just need that extra umph.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): Honey - you need to talk to someone about all you are feeling, what is going on now, what your fears are etc - I have been in the same place you are - confused, alone, vulnerable, depressed....seeing a counsellor was the first step in starting to heal - and such a relief, I had carried the burden and sadness on my own for too long. A neutral, non-judgemental counsellor will be able to help you to help yourself - give you some strategies for coping and moving forward from here. Please go and see someone - before your little one is born if you can,cause you'll be so busy with him then you won;t have much energy left for you - and because you need to be as strong as you can be when that baby arrives!Good luck and big hugs to you. x
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (11 February 2009):
I always think that it is a privelege for a man to be with a woman, not a right.
You are going to get a lot of advice here saying OMG DUMP HIM!!
To be honest I really think that being chucked out may be what he needs. It doesn't sound like he is in love with you, is honouring you, or respecting you right now, and perhaps when he's sleeping on a friend's sofa for a few days and has time to think about it, he'll realise that and things will change.
But you have asked for advice on how to cope and "deal with it better." If you are not strong enough to risk being alone (even though you are a successful woman who could easily be a GREAT single mum) then you just have to sit him down and tell him in no uncertain terms that you are unhappy and want to move on from this but you need his help.
Try counselling for both of you away from the kids and in a place where he can't run away.
Good Luck!! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): Look down at your beautiful daughter and ask yourself do you want this little angle growing up thinking her father does not love her or her mom kids pick up on this I am sure you know that, or would you like her to one day choose a husband that will treat her as bad as he does you??? Sometimes men and woman cheat and because they are so sure that the other person wants them back or would give anything to keep them together they don’t see it as necessary to work on getting that trust back, they take the fact that they have been given a second change for granted, but dear I am sure that if you and to be the one packing your bags that he will soon realize what he lost and fight to get it back, or he could just be cool with it and move on, I mean if he moves on what have you actually lost? But what will you and your kids gain, of this man sees you walking out of his life, and realizes that its easy to lose you, you are a clever bright woman as you said, use it. Its gona be hard but the results may be much better, or then you can always go and see a councilor, invite him along, as this will be good for the both of you,Be strong and keep praying coz I am sure He is listening, pray for your little angels pray, and pray for their father, I really hope that things works out for you, and your family, remember this is only my opinion on things.Please let us know how things are with you
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