A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I have been together with my boyfriend for almost a year now but something about him sends off signals that he cant be fully trusted. Maybe it's that he constantly checks out other women in my presence. Anyway, I will openly admit that I am a snoop when it comes to the guys I date--I just don't want to end up having wasted my time on a cheater. For a while now, I have seen that he keeps in contact with a girl through calls and texts. I brought this up to him, but he claims that they are only friends. I have trouble believing this because he himself has told me that he doesn't believe men and women can have platonic relationships.In any case, this latest text from the woman that I have seen said (p.s. I suspect that he clears out his outgoing messages because there are none.)"I will call you this evening to chat. One kiss." Now that I have sen the word KISS appear, I am just wondering, would it now be OK to contact this other woman?I just want to hear from her mouth what the truth of their relationship is. What should I do? Please help! I cant stop thinking about this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007): ok, update! so the other day my boyfriend called and i "apologized" for overreacting and suggested that we all get together so that i can meet her--"the more friends the merrier" hehe... [more like "keep your friends close but your enemies closer"]
and he was like "yea, thats a good idea"
so i guess that means everything is A-OK
ill probably update 1 more time once i meet her
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): Thank you girls SOOO much for responding. I really needed sound advice. I especially like this latest idea. You're right, if it's just a friendship then no big deal.The next time he calls I think I will apologize for making a big deal out of it and say something about wanting to meet her.I will definitely keep everyone updated, but it might be a few days. In any case, if there are any other thoughts on the matter--please share!
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (27 August 2007):
 Tell him that his responses to your questions are making you insecure, and that you'd really like to be able to trust him. So in that light, you'd like him to introduce you to his friend. Maybe the three of you can talk over coffee.
If she's JUST a friend, then he shouldn't mind sharing the friendship, right? He wouldn't balk at introducing you to one of his guy friends, right?
Be especially warm and charming to her if you do meet, for two reasons. (1) She might just be a friend, in which case you don't want to look like the bad guy to your boyfriend. She may become a friend of yours, too. And (2) if they are indeed an item, then giving her a nice face for the "other woman" is a good way to make her feel guilty enough to run from him.
You need to either trust him or not. If you can't find a way to trust him, then I recommend leaving him. Life is too short to live this way.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (27 August 2007):
 If you think he is lying i would go to her yes.
Has he suggested that at all? My ex used to. But then he would, he knew i wasn't going to go that far, I wish i had! Ha!
Good luck. Let us know how it goes.
c XXXX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): ok. i talked to him that very night that i found the message, but i dont trust his answer. so should i talk to this woman? i feel like there has to be a way to get her to speak honestly...
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (27 August 2007):
Hi
When i first read this question the first half was like you were talking about my ex!
I was with him a year and to be honest, my instincts were telling me he couldnt be trusted. He did lie about his ex txting, saying it was someone else (male) he came clean eventually, but after that i couldnt trust him. I know he supposedly had a txt argument with her not long after i got with him, but when i asked to see what she had said, he had deleted them. So i dont doubt there was things on there that he didnt want me to see. Now i believe he wanted to get back with her but i think she told him to get lost.
I too used to check his phone, wasnt ever anything on there. But, after i split from him, he admitted he had been in touch with his ex. Had txt her a few times. He had also taken my phone one night, to go through it, then planted it in my garden and said the dog must of put it there. The amount of times i said to him i KNOW you took my phone, it was on silent when i found it in the garden, i never put it on silent, but he used to look me in the eye and say he hadnt. He even swore on his daughters life he hadnt. But i always knew and i couldnt stand him by the time i turfed him out the last night. I was drinking to be able to sleep with him in the end, and tried to put up with him because my daughter adored his daughter and i knew she was going to be heartbroken. But thats another story. The amount of anonymous numbers that used to ring him was unreal, he wouldnt answer them, now i know that was probably her.
I know he has since tried to get back with her, but she told him he has nothing to offer her she wants anymore. So that makes it obvious to me that he must of tried.
I would always say trust your instincts. They delete messages, unless they are daft! So thats a pointless exercise.
If i was you, i would ask him outright whats going on.
You sound like you have good instincts so will know if hes lying.
And if you still dont trust him, then go to this other woman. Other women can be devious too though. I knew i could ask his ex anything, and she would cover for him, so that wouldnt of worked for me. They were very similar, and both big drinker types, and i always said to him they should of stayed together!
Hope you get to the bottom of it, because you deserve to know if you're being messed about. If you're anything like me you just want a normal life with a normal person!
I cant stand liars and thanfully have only been with that 1, and hopefully never will meet one again!
Hmmmm i'll be lucky! haha
Good luck,
C xxxxxxx
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