A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So here is the situation, my girlfriend and I have been dating for 4 months. I've known for some time that she had slept with my brother before meeting me and that it wasn't anything serious because she has told me many times. She told me they were just good friends and nothing else. However, lately I keep thinking to myself can I be with her after doing what she did. I mean it doesn't seem right to my brother to be doing this. My brother doesn't seem to care but the last time I brought up the subject was a few months ago. On top of that I'm having trouble staying on task in my job and feeling overwhelmed with how everything is transpiring in our relationship. I've been having horrible anxiety and depressed moments at times within the last week. Last night we talked and were currently on a break. I told her I love and care about her and I need some time to think about our life and future together. Will something like this eventually just pass over time? Am I just freaking out because of her past? I love this girl very much but I want to make sure that she is the one for me and that her past is of no importance to me.
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female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (24 January 2011):
 I think therapy is in order. I don't think that your anxiety medication withdrawal would produce these "issues" you have with your girlfriend, your brother and your relationship.
You have some things to sort out.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): Thank You everybody for the feedback, to add on to this situation, for the last month I’ve recently tried to go off anxiety medication and I believe that has something to do with my problems lately. We talked last night and told her I would get back on the medication and look into seeing a therapist to work out any issues I have. As for my brother, he is pretty shy and is very silent about the whole thing and at the moment has a girlfriend he loves very much so I would assume he doesn’t care too much.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): If you can't get over her past it will be very difficult to keep the reltionship going.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): You sound so conscientious and thoughtful, I don't really have any advice to give and I suspect this will be something you figure out solo. That is really complicated situation between your brother and this girl.If your brother is "alright" with the situation after 4 months, I would guess that his feeligns won't change and you should indulge your feelings for this girl.I do wonder though if he can't help but be silently judgemental in this situation...either by judging you or her. Do you feel as if he is just withholding judgement? He If you suspect this, the advice I personally give is the same; indulge your feelings for this girl. If this is a mistake, then at least you make your own mistakes and you didn't do something because of your brother's jealousy or misguided feelings. (Your brother sounds like a good guy by remaining neutral in this situation)If this relationship itself is troubled, confront your girlfriend, not your brother.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (23 January 2011):
Dude, I am going to give you a reality check here.You have been dating a girl for 4 months who is sexually promiscuous. She slept with a really good friend who happens to be your brother, so sex to her is sport. Then she met you and bang, she slept with you.Just because the sex is good and you've been doing it for 4 months does not a relationship make, and you aren't in love with her, you barely know her after only 4 months. Everything is all about orgasms and feel good chemicals that produces in your brain.Your lack of focus at work, your anxiety and depressed mood is your body's way of telling you that you need to get away from this girl...Your body feels this because your brain is too resistant to seeing the truth.She sounds like a bad risk, and your brother doesn't care that you are sleeping with her because he knows this isn't going to last between the two of you, she's trash so to speak. She may even have a personality disorder, the type of girl who will trap you into marrying her by getting pregnant...she doesn't make good choices, she falls in love quickly and even faster into bad, these are all relationship red flags of a girl with a problem of poor character. It's real, it won't change and you can't fix her.Sorry, I know you think this is just the best thing that has happened to you in a long time, but it isn't and clearly you know that to on some level.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): If you can't get over her past it will be very difficult to keep the reltionship going.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (22 January 2011):
 It's good to know that you understand that the past is the past and she is with you now. I think the problem is that it's still so recent that you have found out which is why it's so fresh in your mind. With time it should fade but it's something that you have to remind yourself about till it does. Everytime you have those thoughts tell yourself that you love her and that's what matters.
I have to also give some bad news in that if you can't get over her past it will be very difficult to keep the reltionship going.
You can't change her past but remember that you are in control of those feelings and you can logic them out of your head so that you can be with her.
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