A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Just a quick one cos i am completely clueless...My gf and I were watching a delivery program tonight following various women through their labours and births. During the show she remarked that I would be a terrible person to have around and i probably wouldnt buy her new pjamas and a pillow, and she would be better off with her mum if we were ever to have kids. This hurt me quite a bit, and I kept it back til she implied a similar thing later on. I pressed her as to why i would be s**t and said I couldnt understand why I would need to buy a new pillow for hospital because surely she wouldnt give a s**t when in a painful labour, and why buy new pjamas when she might have 5 clean pairs in the wardrobe? And a new dressing gown too, whats with that? She went off on one and said thats exactly why I wouldnt be any good and its stuff like this that really makes her question our relationship, and shes not sure she wants to be with me. What the hell is with that? I mean I know full well I would put together a perfectly fine maternity bag for her, and little comforts, and would have a wonderful bouquet of flowers etc. so tell me why I am s**t for not understanding why its necessary to buy a new pillow, pj's and a dressing gown? I looked on the internet and it doesnt seem a necessity at all. I seem to be completely missing something, and now shes got some thing against me. Please explain.
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female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (24 February 2010):
 I think she was a bit over the top, ..but what is probably underlying such comments, is her perhaps feeling you don't go all out to support her already in minor things let alone with something major like giving birth. Seems she may be worried if she can count on you to be there for her (in any situation) without having to make demands.
As for the labour purchases, .. that is a girly thing - we do that, but we love it even more when our men are thoughtful enough to go shopping for us ;-)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): I am 11 weeks pregnant and i imagine childbirth to be what makes the woman happy - giving her home comforts and having the right attitude etc. Maybe between you and her mum - she'd just rather have someone who has nursed her through ills and woes and pains for the past 20 odd years. She knows how her mother would react to her daughter in pain and its always a comfort to have mummy dearest near :) Its not you, you shouldn't feel like their is something wrong that you would not be allowed to be there - its what makes the woman comfortable and if she believes you wouldn't be as good as her mum then perhaps you ought to stand by her decision. At the end of the day - whether involued or not in the birth - you'd have a son or daughter. I personally want my mum near too rather than my partner for giving birth - mum can give me comforts that only she knows about, can give me her experience and can yell the ear off the midwives/doctors if they are scewing up. Its about support - i personally want my mummy. When it comes time to give birth then that may be a different reality - perhaps i'll want my partner but right now, no.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): It sounds to me like she has a point. She probably just doesn't want you to treat her like she is any Tom, Dick or Harry and wants you to understand what the whole thing would involve and treat her a bit special. Did you tell her all of the things you would actually do in that situation when you were talking last night....no i don't think you did! Perhaps you should communicate with her a bi better instead of her having to make her own conclusions!!
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A
female
reader, sammi star +, writes (24 February 2010):
 I think this has really been blown out of all proportion, it's not like she's even pregnant and how could something as small as this make her question your whole relationship? I think there must be an underlying problem, it just seems this has brought it all to surface, talk to her and find out if there's something else going on.
And as for the buying a new dressing gown/pj's etc, it's just soemthing women usually do, it makes you feel more comfortable.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (24 February 2010):
 Hun, in my understanding her maternity bag should be packed and ready by the door about 4 weeks before she is due to deliver... just in case....
So if the bag is packed then she should have all the stuff she needs not have to ask you to get her anything unless it is an emergency.
The worrying bit is her comment about her questioning the relationship as she is not sure she wants to be with you.... if she is pregnant and in her last weeks of pregnancy it could be her hormones making her grumpy, but her comment tells me that there is something worrying her and that alls not well in your relationship.
You need to sit down with her and ask her why she feels that you are not good enough?? Rather sort things out before they become huge issues.
Honeygirl
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