A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been going out with my girlfriend for about year. We get along well, and she's made it clear she wants to get married to me.But, she recently made the comment that I am a "3 or a 4" in bed. The way she said it, it was quite clear to me some of her prior boyfriends were much better. I realize we can't all be "10s" at everything, but her low assesment of my performance is really bothering me. It makes me feel quite insecure about myself, and unsure of our relationship.I can tell that she doesn't really get turned on very much when we're together, and that she doesn't get much out of it when we do have sex. I've been reading as much as I can about how to please a woman, and I have tried many of the things I've read (e.g. start a day before and start showing affection to her, try to make sure you're tuned in to her emotionally, let her know you think she's attractive, take it slow when making love, make sure there's plenty of foreplay, perform oral sex before intercourse, try different positions and techniques, etc.). However, nothing seems to make much difference. I've tried asking her what she likes/wants from me, but she doesn't say much so I can't figure out what I should be doing. I get the feeling at times that she's not sure herself. I've thought about asking her directly what her prior boyfriends did that really turned her on, but I'm afraid that if she were to tell me it would make me feel jealous and even more insecure.My prior girfriends seemed to respond quite well to many of the things I've done with her, so don't think I'm a completely inept in bed.She has told me many times that she loves me and thinks I'm very attractive, so I doubt there's a basic problem in terms of that.I just can't figure out what to do about this?
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 November 2010):
 Books won't help. Only she can tell you how to properly please her. I'd suggest as you're trying different things, ask her if she likes it. Talk to her about what you're feeling because of what she said. Tell her you want to improve but you need her to guide you. You want to make her happy, and she has to help with that.
It's not fair to complain about something without offering a solution. Since she complained, and you have a solution, then it's time for her to step up and help.
A
female
reader, alice0110  +, writes (24 November 2010):
if shes rating you 3-4 out of 10 and still with you then she truely does love it. you may not be able to fufil her every desires in the bedroom , but she loves you for who you are and thats whats important
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