A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:History: I am 21 shes 18 7 months roughly going out, weve split up twice due to her wanting space and me going to a strip club. She has kissed two other people in these times.I realise the infatuation stage has gone now and she puts all my efforts to create a spark down, i.e. asking to go out places or do things fun together. Recently shes been at the stage of wanting the cake and eating it. She wants to do the single thing, clubbing, flirting and have me there waiting for her with my car, job, money and the older man thing. Shes not interested in sex any more but when we meet we flirt terribly and have a great time, cuddling, kissing and the rest. However this seems to be less and less maybe once or twice a week. Frankly its getting boring. Shes so damn changable. I give her a bit of space and shes ringing and texting. In a week shes going away for a week holiday ski with her school. Her ex' bfs will be there. I am going away to Prague :) Now maybe this break will make each of us realise how much we mean to each other or it will mean the opposite. Only time will tell. I want the relationship to progress and last, she does to but has put alot more distance between us. I was thinking of proceeding with pursueing her less, cooling off alot more, being less available to her, i.e. less texts and calls or saying no to meet up. I can't live and continue being so reliant on her for my own happiness any more, when i have given her everything. I have a lot of friends and hobbies so its not like iam sat at home moping too much! So i was thinking of what you think of my game plan or how i shud proceed?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2007): Very true with whats already been said it sounds as if the honeymoon period (the loved up stage)of your relationship is over most relationships move on to the comfortable period where you are more eased with eachother and the relationship grows stronger.But by sounds of it there is some friction in your relationship and it sounds as if you dont know what to expect from eachother.I think you have the right idea with cooling down with the texts ringing her and becoming less avaliable and see what responce you get from that as it sounds as if youve already done your fair share and it takes 2 people to make the relationship work.good luck with everything and have a good time in prague and hope the time apart makes her realise how things are between you and she makes more of an effort.
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (11 February 2007):
 It seems to me that the spark has definitely gone between you two and this time apart will make you both realise whether you want to be with each other or whether this has just become habit. It does sound to me like you two are in different place, despite the fact that there is only a small age gap. She sounds immature and not wanting a serious relationship. As you say, she wants you there when she can't have you: this is the typical game playing of a bored teenage girl.
Spend this time apart and see how you feel. I think you need someone new, someone more similar to you in the way you act and what you want. Let her have her fun, she may come round in the end. You don't need this drama and you're already bored of it so do something about it. It will only get worse. Sounds like she feels the same if she's cauing problems to make it interesting.
Usually, I advise people to talk to their partner but I don't think it works when they have such a low mental age and don't even know what they want. Spend this time apart and think about whether you can put up with her for much longer.
Good luck
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