A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i saw this girl on my first day in coll... i studied in a boys school.. so jus like that i started liking her... we spoke to each other... and we got into a relationship 7 months later.. now am one year into that relationship... she loves me too much.. in the beginning everything was so good.. but then eventually i got bored... we fought a lot.. she s fat... my friends tease me too much... i dunno wat to do... she has nobody except me.. i cant break up with her... i cant be without her.. am too dependent on my gal.. i love her... but i cant bear one year of teasing by others.. i ve told her to reduce her weight.. but she hasnt taken any effort...she s very unique... not like the usual gal... doesnt give too much preference to her looks n all... she s very simple... but am so scared to go anywhere out with her cos i ll get laughed at.... i don wanna leave her.. she s my baby.. pls tell me how to love her more.... how to ignore others opinion about my gal... how to make her more happy.... she has a complex tat she s fat... she jus cries every time someone tells her she has put on weight... how can i make her over come her complex.... pls help
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): hi.. am the one who posted the question...yesterday i spoke to her about this... but she says i don love her as she is and i jus love her in the hopes tat she ll lose weight some day.. she doesnt understand tat i care for her.. she s telling tat i jus think tat i love her and i don love her at all.... she fought with me so much for suggesting to go for a walk in the evening.... i dunno how to make her understand... am telling for her own good... i dunno wat to do.. i ve told her so many times to go take care of her looks but she doesnt care at all... everybody jus teases her like any thing.. i cant jus watch her getting teased... but if i tell her she ll fight with me as if i am the one that teased her.... pls help me.. how can i make her understand..
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (5 June 2011):
 you cannot make her lose weight. She needs to make that decision herself. The motivation has to come from her. But you can support her when she decides to take some action.
Try to establish if she really wants to lose weight.
If she says yes, then you can ask her if she would be willing to accept your support to help her lose weight.
If she says 'no' to both questions above, then you can do very little for her.
But if she says yes, then you can give her some positive support.
So some of the suggestions below may help:
Next time you want to get her a present get two pedometers, one to attach to the waist band of her clothing and one to attach to your waist band. Challenge her to match each other for how many steps you can walk daily. If she agrees to this device and then compliment her very sincerely for doing it. Start with 2500 steps daily, then 5000 steps daily. See if you can each re,ach 10,000 steps every day. Reassure her and encourage her as you see her losing weight.
I love this expression and heard it first on the Oprah Winfrey Show: 'what other people think of you is none of your business.' You don't have time to worry about what worries everyone else. Instead concentrate on what is very important to you.
Are the rest of her family large? It maybe lifestyle, or who cooks what, or food choices, or hereditary, or just too much physical inactivty.
Schedule outings that are more physical,
like walking briskly through interesting places. Once she can cope with lots of brisk walking, add in short bursts of running, or playing table tennis.
Or cycling. And minimise attendine events that involve opportunities for high calorie foods to be eaten.
When you are out together point out how good some of the heathier food looks. Or pack your own healthier foods.
Fried food and food with masses of coconut cream, palm sugar and too much oil or too much ghee are foods to avoid as they are higher in calories (I chose those because of your flag of origin) these high calorie food, eaten to excess, will put on weight.
So will sitting around all day put on weight. Getting more active will help
She may or may not lose weight. If you care more about other people's opinion than her then your incegse
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (5 June 2011):
Ah man. What a weak man you are for allowing your friends to tease you for having a fat girlfriend.Now either you stand up for your girlfriend, by standing up to your friends, or you break it off with your girlfriend because she is not your type.Part of being a man is making decisions. It seems you need to make this decision: Accept your girlfriend for being "bigger" or break up with her.There is a BIG difference between saying your girlfriend is fat, and working together to eat healthier and doing exercise together. Maybe you could try this, instead of putting demands on her?It seems you need to grow up, or learn a painful lesson by getting dumped by your girlfriend for a guy that accepts her the way she is. Either way, learn this; that if you love a girl, you will stand up and defend her dignity, and not act like you're acting.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): Its a very endearing story. You are more likely to change your way of thinking than hers. You may push her away if you try.
you need to take a big step and that is changing from bieng ashamed of her looks to accepting her for what she looks like now.
The problem here is the way you think and the pressure you are putting yourself under to have the girlfriend your mates want you to have.
They could just be jealous of you because you have something they aspire to having. a loving girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, KeighleySky +, writes (5 June 2011):
 Firstly you never ever suggest that she loses weight, this will only hurt her.
If you love her the way she is why does she have to change? There is nothing wrong with being over weight (other than the obvious health issues).
Stop listening to what other people say, she's your grielfriend and she loves you, what more do you want?? many peopel never find love, or their used. This girl loves you treat her like shes a princess, because thats what every girl wants.
Try talking to her and dont be ashamed to go outside with her, just because shes over weight. Your being a little too shallow. She has feelings too you know.
Stop caring what other people think of her, its what YOU think that counts. If you love her treat her like you do.
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A
male
reader, freeme +, writes (5 June 2011):
 First off. You need to figure out why you are with this girl. Are you taking pity on her? If you REALLY love her, then you need to GET OVER what other people think and start sticking up for her.All that said, here is some other food for thought. The act of loving someone does involve a certain amount of self respect, or a love of ones self. (I am not talking about narcissism here.) You can't fix someone who has no respect for themselves, you can only encourage them to seek help to get them there. Allowing yourself to be severely out of shape and making no effort to fix it stinks of some serious self confidence issues. Those types of relationships can be very difficult. You can't make her care, and you can't save her if she is on a bad path. If you really do love her, seek help from a mental health professional to get some advice on encouraging her to respect herself. You might consider telling her how you feel, and telling her you need to be with someone who has self respect. Continue to be her friend, and maybe the day will come when she does 'see the light'. (And don't forget to respect YOUR self in the process)
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