A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need help so badly right now. I am a college student and the guy I have liked for a year is graduating in May. I have known him for a year but we never really started getting to know each other until a few months ago. We flirted a lot and we hung out at a bar a few times together and my friends all tell me that he definitely like me. I am so not sure though because he will flirt with me one minute but then if I ask him if he wants to hang out he will either say yes and then backout or just be like I can't right now I'm busy. I keep wondering if maybe he doesn't want to get into a relationship because he is graduating or maybe because his last girlfriend dumped him last year in a really horrible way and he doesn't want to get hurt again. But like I invited him to hang out with a group of friends this past weekend and he had agreed to come and I hadn't told him the time we were getting together but I had told him the date. I tried calling him to let him know that day and his phone was off and he wasn't on aim so I texted him to tell him where and what time. I never got a call or anything. I was pissed. So I saw him today (the day after) and I looked straight at him and walked away, normally I would go up to him and talk to him and he knows that. I have never not said anything to him. Then I saw him again when I was leaving a teachers office and he said hi and i said hi back and when I started to walk away he was like, I'm sorry I didn't come yesterday. And then he was like please don't be mad at me. And when I asked him why he didn't come he said he wasn't feeling well and of course I like him so much that as soon as he smiles at me I just melt and forgive him for everything. And I even told him that he should ahve called and he apologized for that too. Here's the thing though, on facebook a girl left a message on his wall saying something about playing rockband with him. It didn't say which day they played but it was posted on the day he was supposed to get together with me. They could have played the day before but I don't know. It just seems really fishy. I just can't believe that he would lie to me because if he didn't even want to talk to me anymore or anything then he wouldn't have cared enough to apologize right?Another possibility I know of for why he could have backed out is that it was a group event kind of thing and I know he doesn't like those things, especially since he wouldn't have known anyone. So I just don't know what to make of this guy because all my friends say that from what they have seen of us that he definitely likes me, I just can't understand why he does't ask me out and why he is acting so wierd latley. Someone please help me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): A couple weeks ago, he told me he liked me. Following that, he told alot of people he was going to ask me out. After a week or two, he asked out another girl. She broke up with him. Now what do I do? I don't know for sure that he still likes me, but we do talk alot and he pushes me, touches my hand and budges my knee when we are sitting down. I don't know if I want to ask him if he still likes me because it's embarassing for me. But I know that I still like him. WHAT Do I DO?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually it has gotten really strange now. I met up with him at a bar and was flirting with him and and he went to get some drinks with his friends while I talked with mine. Then my friends kept telling me he kept looking at me but then he walked to the other side of the bar and talked to his friends instead of me. So I stood on the otehr side of the bar and flirted with another guy. I felt like someone was watching me and when I looked up he was starring at me. I kept glancing and he was still looking. Like he was jealous. But then I left the other guy and went to talk to him and he like left. It was wierd becasue then all of his friends started to talk to me and I said something about having a crush on someone but I never made it obvious who. All the sudden one of his friends asked me flat out if it was him. And I was like "why did he say something about me?" and he said he had but he couldn't tell me what it was and then tried telling me all the good things about him. So I admitted that I liked him and asked him not to tell him and he said he would just put in a good word for me. Now I know that he knows and I saw him yesterday in classes and he still walked with me to class and everything but he was really quiet and when I asked him why he just said that he was tired. But later that night when I went to the gym he was there too with his friends and he and his friends kept like watching me. So now I don't know whether he likes me and is just waiting to make a move or if he doesn't like me and is just not wanting to hurt my feelings. Any more advice?
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A
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): This guy sounds like he's scared of commitment. Did he know any of your friends that you were suppose to hang out with? Because if he didn't know any of them he was probably scared of feeling uncomfortable. Get him in a situation where he'll feel comfortable. EX: If he likes football ask him if you can watch the Super Bowl with him! It's good that he reacted to you ignoring him.. it shows he doesn't want to lose you.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (29 January 2008):
 Or maybe he just doesnt want to gamble the friendship which is the odds on favourite here I would say. He may well feel that getting into a relationship with a relative unknown is a big gamble but to also lay a friendship on the line is an even bigger gamble because if you lose you are left without a good friend and a lover as well and even if it ended amicably it would be a long time before that friendship was even close to what you have now.
From what you say he definatly likes you but there is definatly also something that he his hiding from you blocking his way but that doesnt have to be something like another girl and probably isn't. What you have to do is open him up gradually and show him it's OK to go with you and he wont get hurt. Calling him for a chat is a good idea but it would help if you can steer him to topics that you can share your feelings on; start off with something trivial and then try and move onto deeper stuff and see if he will open up.
If the subtle approach fails then the only way might be to open up about how you are feeling and 'lead the way' so to speak and see what happens from there; good luck :).
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reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 January 2008):
 Maybe, he is broke and cannot afford to take you out.Another reason could be a phobia of commitment.Perhaps you can try to call him out and chat and find out more about him.
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