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My friend’s study habits really bother me and may affect my education!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 February 2019) 5 Answers - (Newest, 10 February 2019)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, *weet Dreamer xxx writes:

So this isn’t anything to do with love but I don’t know who else to ask.

I am currently in my second year of university and have made some incredible friends, throughout the first year they pushed me to achieve the best grades so when coming to group projects I never really thought about being with anyone else. However in my second year I realised that I could stand on my own two feet and without sounding ungrateful, I can do a lot better without them.

The thing is we haven’t had many modules together this year and my grades have improved, the one group project we have had one of my close friends said because she didn’t have as many deadlines as the rest of us she’d put the majority of the work load in, however when we came to finishing the project we realised she actually put very little in compared to us and ended up with a low grade. The current module we are doing is the only module I really wanted to do due to it being the career route I want and it was one that we could add to our course. Originally she didn’t want to do it however when it came to choosing she didn’t want to be on her own so she ended up joining us.

The problem is she is very stubborn, she’ll start doing lots of research, but not pay attention in class, she’ll look up past project which aren’t relevant anymore and when coming to take ideas she won’t accept anyone’s, infact i find that she just ignores you and says ‘aha’ a lot, normally to save arguments sake I tend to just go along with it, but her way is not normally right and she’ll sulk if it goes wrong and blame our group.

Like I said she’s a really close friend when we aren’t studying she’s absolutely amazing, she’ll always make time for you and if your having a bad day she’ll go out of her way for you, so I don’t want to be horrible to her because I do appreciate she’s trying to help but I can’t deal with her struggling off our ideas and acting like she always knows best when it comes to uni work and with this module meaning the most to me I don’t want to mess it up because I’m trying to be too nice.

Any suggestions on how I can deal with this situation. Thank you in advance.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (10 February 2019):

chigirl agony auntWhy cant you just say you already have plans on how to do this project/module on your own? Its perfectly acceptable to say you dont want to work in a group every now and then.

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A male reader, Code Warrior United States + , writes (8 February 2019):

Code Warrior agony auntBummer. I figured that there might be multiple offerings of your classes at different times of the day and/or with different professors and maybe you could arrange your class schedule so that you could avoid her most of the time.

Anyway, good luck with your classes and hopefully you'll find better project partners in the future!

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A female reader, Sweet Dreamer xxx United Kingdom +, writes (7 February 2019):

Sweet Dreamer xxx is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Sweet Dreamer xxx agony auntSadly the option of not taking classes together is not possible, our degree lines up majority of our lectures and this module was vital for my career route.

With regards to the projects this is part of our curriculum, if I could I would due to projects normally end up one sided with the work loads. But in future I will be trying to mix in with other groups.

Thank you for your advise, it is greatly appreciated.

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A male reader, Code Warrior United States + , writes (7 February 2019):

Code Warrior agony auntStop taking classes with her. That way you won't be in a position to have to work with her, but can still be friends.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (7 February 2019):

Honeypie agony auntKeep projects for school and friends separate. Especially if they have a rather low performance rate.

Someone can be a super great friend but a lousy project buddy.

Find people you CAN rely on to work as HARD as you or go solo for as much of it as you are allowed.

You can't change her. But you CAN stop doing project with her and letting her drag your grades down.

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