A
female
age
51-59,
*ustcantwinnomatterwahat
writes:I am so stuck. I am separated but not yet divorced. Me and this man have become good friends and I know he feels the same but he has not made any moves because I am still married. I have not loved my husband for a long time and am ready to move on but he does not want to be the cause of my marriage breaking up. So he is keeping his distance. This is killing me so I am doing the same. I don't want to be hurt either. And it's hard to give your heart to someone when you don't know where they stand. Maybe he feels this way about me? Maybe he doesn't trust I will separate?How do I fix this? I am moving forward with the separation regardless of anyone else being in the picture because I know my marriage is over. But at the same time why can't he be there to support me? Does he not care enough? Or is he wanting me to do this on my own? I can't ask him because I am in no position to do anything. Do you guys think I should approach him and be completely honest with him about how I am feeling? I just don't want him to think I am trying to start another relationship while still in one even though I won't be for long. I don't want him to think I am the type that will leave a man for another and cause him not to trust me... Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2012): What you need to do is get divorced, not just get separated. Being separated means you're still legally married. Then you are proving to your friend that you are serious.
Your friend is doing the right thing of holding back and not getting involved until you are divorced. To do anything else would be to participate in an extra marital affair which is morally wrong.
Don't drag your friend into your divorce drama, that's not fair to him. You take care of your divorce FIRST, on your own, and when that's done then and you're legally single and your ex is out of the picture you can approach your friend to ask him to start a new relationship with you.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 April 2012):
 A friend of mine once told me this, as it relates to leaving a marriage and taking up with another partner:
You DON'T jump from ship to ship. You MUST jump in the water and swim/float on your own UNTIL you can get on to your new ship.....
Does this help?????
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 April 2012):
 It means he is a good guy. He wants you to be 100% sure the marriage is over. And I agree. YOU should finish one relationship before starting a new one. You MAY have checked out of the marriage mentally, but you need to do it fully to start something new.
Smart fella.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (20 April 2012):
 Hi
If you hadnt met him you were going to split up from your husband anyway ,so you have said. He wants to see proof of it , you cant turn round and say you left your marriage for him one day then either. You will have family and friends support you through your divorce same as if you had not met him .
He wants no part or blame or to be the reason , he has stepped back he has done the right thing .
Be careful with getting too involved till your over the divorce and sure of your emotions too.
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (20 April 2012):
 I think he is being smart and guarding himself. I think you answered this for yourself, he is not starting anything with you because he doesn't know or trust if you will truly separate or go through the divorce. He might feel like you are the type that will leave a man for another.
And he even said to you that he would feel like he's the reason why you're marriage is breaking up.
He needs to see it to believe it. In other words, he needs to see you officially divorced instead of you just saying you're getting a divorced.
I think he's doing himself right by protecting himself. He might need more than your words- he might need actions as well. It just doesn't sit well on him that you are legally a wife to someone else. You should respect that. If you are really set on going through the divorce, then go through it, and then see where he stands.
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