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anonymous
writes: I have a girlfriend with whom I have been friends for 20 years now. She and I were both stay at home Moms when our children were small. Our children played together, we both volunteered, we both confided our problems to each other. Generally, it was a close friendship.After her kids grew up, she went back to work and is now in a managerial position with a big company. Life went on..she raised her kids and sadly, her marriage broke up (hubby ran off with a much younger woman). He basically told her "she was fat and ugly". My heart went out to her as she was in so much pain.Shortly after her marriage split..mine went on the rocks, as well but for different reasons. We became even closer. After grieving our marriage break ups, she and I decided to both get healthy, exercise, lose the extra pounds (I lost 89-she lost 30) and get out and enjoy life. She is somewhat shy. I am very outgoing so when we did things..we always had a blast.The problem is: Since we have lost weight, I started dating again. And likely due to having a very friendly, outgoing personality..dating has never been a problem for me. As a result, she seems very jealous of me. I know this sounds so juvenile. She looks fantastic as well but she is so insecure and it shows in her personality. My heart went out to her because she kept telling me...no man will ever love her. I always said she will find love again but just to have fun with life & not think about it. She has admitted to me that she tells them what we discuss and it hurts. I have asked her to stop doing that as what I have told her was in strictest confidence and that I am losing trust for her. I have no idea in what way she tells them this stuff but I have met a few of them and they are very "cool" to me. So I have to assume she is demeaning me to them.She has called me a fool for dating again, that I am behaving unbecoming for a Mother raising a son. (I have dated TWO men-for about a year each in the past 5 years) It's like she has lost total respect for me, simply because I have dated. Is it lack of respect or just plain green eyed jealousy? It seems to me she can't get past the hurt of what happened to her. Recently, she did start dating a very nice man and I have been supportive, telling her how happy I am for her. She brags to me that he is rich, he showers her with gifts, trips. etc. I asked her if I could meet him sometime and she bluntly said NO...she feared he would like me more. I was stunned she even said this. We are not doe-eyed teen girls here! We are 40 plus women..Mothers. I let this go..but I have tired so much of her juvenile, jealous behaviours. She was NEVER like this, in years past. What is up with lady? Anyone got any opinions on this?
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reader, becky05 +, writes (8 July 2005):
Im glad youve got your life back on track after your marrige break up.It sounds to me like this woman is very insecure and jealous, perhaps of your ability to 'get on with life' better than she has been able to.Talk to her, tell her what a good friend she ids to you and go on a few nights out together to forget about men for a while.Dont give up on your own life for her though, she has to move forward.
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (8 July 2005):
Yes, I agree, your friend suffers from jealousy & extremely low self-esteem.
I am a single mom, been divorced for 18 years & have alot of fun dating & going dancing on Girls Night Out !
I CELEBRATE my freedom & guard my independance.
My closest female friend is AWESOME...we never compete over men because we know there are plenty of fish in the sea, but a True Friendship is rare & precious.
If she dates a guy, she is EAGER for me to meet him...she wants me to check him out & tell her what I think.
If he becomes interested in me...I tell her immediately & she dumps him.
Any guy worth keeping, is a faithful loyal man !
If your friend is too afraid to introduce you to her man, the problem is hers...not yours, sweetie.
Friends TRUST each other & support one another.
They do not criticize & put each other down, or talk behind your back & say hurtful things.
The fact that you date is FANTASTIC...you go girl !
Variety in dating is the spice of life.
That's how we narrow the field & find a guy who has most of the qualities we seek in a mate.
If you don't date...and just grab onto the first man who comes along, you restrict yourself to accepting qualities in a man which might be LESS than what you really seek.
Desperation & jealousy breeds more insecurity...so I advise you to take a closer look at your friendship with this woman...I'm not sure if she is a TRUE friend...she seems to attack & criticize you alot instead of applauding you for losing weight & dating a variety of men.
Friends should be HAPPY for each other when they overcome life obstacles...encourage & support one another.
Several years ago I had a desperate clingy friend who constantly competed with me...was fearful of introducing her dates to me in case they dumped her & pursued me.
It finally got to a point when she talked behind my back to my other friends & said nasty things about me...my TRUE friends informed me of her negative attitude towards me.
I confronted her and ended the friendship...I have never regretted it because she caused much damage in my life.
Life is short enough as it is, without having so called friends stab us in the back when they feel insecure.
Don't let her bring you down to her level.
Rise above the situation...celebrate your new life and savour every wonderful moment.
Reject negative relationships & embrace positive ones !
All the best, sweet lady,
(((hugs)))
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