A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear allFollowing a previous post, again I need some advice on dealing with a highly sensitive issue regarding my future lovely step children. We are getting married this year and they are supposed to be my flower girl and usher to which they are so exited about. Everything is booked and paid for. Their Mother, however has said they can't attend our wedding due to her just being selfish. We have been together nearly 4 years, gone through court to see them, but through her own bitterness, she will not allow them to attend, even though she left my hubby to be almost 6 years ago. My future step kiddies are devastated. We want them there more than anything, my parents and family will ask questions as to why they are not (to which I don't know which answer to give) and we just don't know what to do. I don't want my parents or family to know what the ex is like because we will only be judged - parents are very old fashionedd. My hubby to be is so down. It's supposed to be the happiest day of our lives. How can we make this situation better for everyone? Thanks
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (7 February 2015):
 There is no way I would be "guilt-ed" into inviting the ex-wife. NO way.
I would see a solicitor though. And I would NOT have told the kids till it was agreed upon by mom/dad. However, since she is JUST doing this to spite (because what other reason can she give?) I don't think it will go to court. She will comply and keep being the cow she is.
You have been in their life for 4 years, so I just don't see her having a legal leg to stand on.
If the talk with a solicitor does the trick, make sure you KEEP the clothes at your place, not her.. or they might "vanish"....
There is nothing worse then some vindictive ex, who thinks the world revolves around their whims.
Have your Fiance DEAL with the legal side. It should be a matter BETWEEN them, but I would tell him to contact one.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2015): Thanks for your replies.
To Sensitive Bloke...I wish that about my parents..all they will do is criticise or judge. They have helped me enormously with the wedding and I do love them, but don't want the comments.
As for inviting his ex to the wedding, I have thought that but my fiancé refuses. She can't talk to him amicably or in a civil fashion..all she does is shout and make a fool of herself. Shame really, because she used to be ok.
Good advice about getting a solicitor. Hope it works.
Thanks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2015): Thank you for your answers. They are 12 & 7 years old. Eldest has said he will run away from her if he can't come. I don't want them upset over her actions.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 February 2015):
 if he has visitation with his children or partial custody and she's just being evil about this one day then your fiance needs to contact his attorney and let the courts handle it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2015): What about offering to invite their mother (his ex). Yes you might feel slightly uncomfortable, however if she refuses to come, and won't allow the kids to, then it shows she is being unreasonable. Maybe a solicitor or judge could act on that unreasonable behaviour, to allow the children to attend. If she did go to the wedding, if she tried to misbehave she would be showing herself up, and her true colours to everyone else who attends. Ordinarily, manipulative people wouldn't want to reveal their true nature to other people so openly.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (6 February 2015):
 If your fiance shares custody of his children, his ex cannot stop them from being at the wedding.
Why do you want to keep this a secret from your parents and family? You should tell your parents and family all about it as they may be able to help you or at least they can sympathise with you and understand what you're going through.
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (6 February 2015):
 I don't know what situation you have with visitation/joint custody, but surely a court can allow the children to go to your wedding. I guess that, if you didn't invite their mother (and they are under 10), then it would be a reason for her playing up, maybe.
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