A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I came accross this website because I was searching online for answers to my situation.I met this wonderful girl when she newly relocated to my city in Ohio. She's highly educated, professional, corporate, we clicked so magically, intellectually, socially, interests, values, etc and fell in love with each other. I helped her tremendously with her relocation, she had no difficulties at all. But we started having some problems due to her jealousy of my relationships before I met her, of which I was trying to end in a decent fashion. She read my emails, made phone calls to the girlfriend I was trying to gently break with. I forgave her, again and again, but she continued. Eventually I became very upset and tough on her, not returning her calls, and she did everything to contact me and be with me.After a month, I really missed her so when she called me, we talked and got back together. For 6 months everything was beautiful, we decided to get married. In the process of having an honest conversation with each other, I persuaded her to confess that during the one month we separated from each other, she had slept with my Realtor acquaintance whom I had introduced to help her find a home to purchase. She said she felt rejected by me, needed emotional support since she knew no one else in town, and my own realtor acquaintance took advantage of that situation. She explained that she realized her mistake, felt humiliated, low and cheap, missed me a whole lot, so she made that phone call which enabled us to get back together.I am deeply in love with this woman and I know she loves me dearly. But I am so hurt by this betrayal, eventhough we had temporarily split at the time. The realtor to whom I gave business had no morals or ethics, but I blame my woman for giving sex to a person she knew to be my acquaintance. She is showing me signs of deep regret and shame, and is making amends.Should I marry this woman? Should I move on? Other than this incident which I know I will never forget, we are both so very compatible at every level. I realize that no one is perfect, but this?Any advise will help, thanks.
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cheap, fell in love, fiance, get back together, got back together, jealous, move on Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): Thanks for all your answers. I was prepared to blame myself for being too tough on her especially when she reached out to me and cried at my office before the short "break". What bothers me is that she was too quick to sleep with the first man that came around, plus the fact that the man was my acquaintance that I introduced to help her.Honestly I would not feel as bad if was someone else I did not know. In the meantime, this realtor was interacting with me as if nothing was going on. But I did have subliminal suspicions, that is the reason I was able to call my woman out on it 6 months later.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): When couples agree to go on "break" there needs to be some understanding about whether or not there can be sex with others during the split.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): Have you set a date for a wedding - even provisionally - if you have perhaps you should delay for a while - tell her that you need time to learn to trust her again. I'm assuming you didn't sleep with anyone during the break?
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (26 April 2008):
 I see a few red flags here, poster. The first has to do with her reading your emails and having the nerve to call up your ex when your relationship was just beginning. She sounds intrusive and seems to have no problem violating your privacy. The second is along the same lines- she chose to sleep with YOUR realtor, not someone that she knew on her own, not someone that had nothing to do with your life. She claims to have realized this was a mistake but put the blame and responsibility on your behavior and used this as her reason for doing it. She hasn't demonstrated much of a capacity for problem solving on her own, she seems to violate you everytime she has to deal with her own insecurities. I wouldn't rush into marriage just yet! Give it another year and see how you feel, what's the rush? I don't think love is enough to build a future on, it takes integrity, respect, and trust. You two don't have a solid foundation yet in regards to these things.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): lame. hey if it bothers you that much go on a 'break' and fine some woman to have sex with...but i doubt you'll do that.just try n come to terms with it....make sure both of you dont talk to the guy she slept with...how about you and her spice up your sex life? nothin heals jealousy better than sex, sorry but it's true.
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