A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone Just came here for some advice really...So I been with my fiancé for eight years, we have a child together who is six, My fiancé has been offered a job but it will mean moving to America permanently, which will mean all of us going. My fiancé is really excited and wants to move there, he assumes it's what I want but I'm not so sure about it as it's a big change for me, only because our son is settled in a good school here and has a lot of close friends here. I have a family who I'm very close to and I can't imagine leaving them to live half way across the world whilst my fiancé is not close to his family so he has no ties here and is not bothered leaving. While I do think it's a great opportunity for him and us and I'm happy he got offered the job, but I feel like I'm going to be taken away from everything I know such as my family, friends, my job and my home, I just think it's scary as I don't like change very much. Am I being selfish and just thinking about myself? Because I feel bad that I'm not jumping at the idea, Or should I put my fiancé's career first and move and give up all the things I've achieved here?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2016): You need to check that YOU will be ok (health, finances etc) in any given scenario going forward. You are not married yet... but what would happen with your child should worse case you divorced and wanted to return to UK. Take a life pattern here in the UK and analyse the US equivalent. Once the practicalities are ironed out then allow your emotions in. You could join a 'moving to US' forum to hear others experiences.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 December 2016):
 No off course you are not being selfish. It is a lot to ask from you, and you need to tell him how you are feeling. Yes his career is important but so is you and your child's happiness. It needs to be a joint decision. Also are you sure you will even get a visa for America?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (4 December 2016):
 There needs to be a lot of talking about this.You need to know:Does his whole family get health coverage from his job, even if you're not married? If so, how much coverage?Can you move there before being legally his wife?Can you afford to see your family 2+ times a year?What job could you get out there?Is the neighbourhood safe?Could you afford a house near good schools?Do you have the time and money to settle in before he starts work? You'd be left alone to deal with figuring out bills and insurance because he'd be off working immediately.Will you be able to take most of your possessions with you, or will you have to only take a few and buy everything when you get there?Ultimately, you need to sit down with him and say "I'm happy for you, butI'm not excited about this. The only way we can even consider doing this is if we think about it practically for all of us, not just you." He needs to agree to sit down with you and do lots of research into all of the above questions and whatever else you can think of.Moving countries can be great, but it *must* be thought through more than he seems to have done, especially when you have a child. He seems to be thinking like a single man, not a father or fiancée.Once you've done all the research you possibly can, consult a lawyer who knows the differences between the UK and US, as well as them having dealt with families moving there. You need to know what to expect legally before agreeing to uproot everything.If he seems flippant about all of the work needed to go into moving, before deciding to move, that would probably make me stay, as I would need my partner to show he was thinking about this in-depth for all of us, not just how great it could be on the surface.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2016): I have lived on both sides of the Atlantic. I'm mainly writing re US health care system. If your husband has been offered a good job in the US, it will likely come with employer-paid health coverage for not only him but all of his dependents. This will give him access to excellent health care that is, quite frankly, well above that of the UK (speaking as a Brit who lived in the States and had a good job --- I came back because of my father's ailing health).If you're not sure, ask your husband about the benefits package that comes with the job. You might be shocked at just how many things his new employer would pay for that you would have to pay out-of-pocket for in the UK.I imagine the transition will be hard for you at first. You'll get homesick. But after a year or so, you'll get used to how convenient things are in the US. People are actually very friendly and open and the education is top notch (again, if you have good jobs, this is not an issue).It's not for everyone I suppose, but I loved it and I do miss the conveniences of my US life, I'm happy to be back in the UK too, but I don't regret living in the US for a minute and my family loved it.You just need to sit down and make the best choices for yourselves as a family.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2016): As an unmarried non-student with no job prospects you may not even be eligible to apply for a visa to enter the United States (an immigrant's spouse and minor children may apply for a visa, not his live-in girlfriend/baby mama). You need to consult an immigration attorney before you do anything.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (4 December 2016):
 You’re looking at this move from an emotional subjective perspective. For me a move to America would have me scared at of my wits to leave the UK Health Care system for an American system! Unless you come from the Commonwealth this is hard for some to fathom.
Perhaps you need to ask hubby how this move will affect your British citizenship if/when you revoke it and later decide to return home (permanently) for some reason, ‘cause nothing is ever set in stone. How do you feel about moving to a Country less peaceful than UK? What are the neighbourhood and school facilities where you’ll be living? These are some questions I consider worth knowing that would give me peace of mind.
The plus side is you and Family can visit each other across the Atlantic, each of you will make new social friends, and keep in contact with the old, there’s no language barrier to worry about, yet there’ll be an adjustment period for each of you.
Look at this as an adventure, and be sure to have adequate health cover or a huge purse for medical expenses.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (4 December 2016):
 I can understand your anxiety .... moving away from all that you know, and love, can be scary. Its also exciting!
Has your fiance discussed all those issues involved in moving countries, or acknowledged what you will be leaving behind, with you, or simply decided he is excited so you must be as well?
You need to think very carefully about YOUR future ... is your job a fulfilling career where there is room for advancement?
Could you transfer, or are there employment opportunities available for you if you move?
Have you investigated the education system in the US, will it offer the same opportunities as the school your child currently attends (academic as well as social/networking opportunities).
Will you be able to return to the UK for visits regularly? Will your fiance be willing to assist with fares for family members to visit you, like parents, grandparents etc?
And while I KNOW visiting is different to living in another town or country is there any chance you could go check the place out before you have to make a decision?
Try and get your fiance to COMMUNICATE and to listen to your concerns ... if he has been in the habit of riding straight over the top of you in the past I will be taking even more time to consider, but if he has usually been considerate and understanding see if talking can allay some of your legitimate concerns and worries.
Good luck either way
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