A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married almost twenty years. Over that time he had never had any close friends . I have been a person who has only ever kept a handful of close friends but am quite happy with that . We both have many associates. The issue seems to be that he seems intent on Muscling in on my friendships and making them ' his friends ' For example, if a girlfriend and I arrange to meet up for coffee or a meal he will not understand why he is isn't invited . He will say 'but they are my friend too' . He seems to have no concept what so ever of why I want friendships outside of the relationship and purely female friendships are important and different to me . I'm not interested in little triangles . I enjoy having coffee or chats with just my female friends and myself occasionally . This all came to a head recently on a close friends bday . He was going on about how he wanted to take her out ( the two of us and her ) for her birthday , and I agreed that would be nice and perhaps she could bring someone . So on her bday before us discussing when or how we would invite her or arrange this he is on his phone texting her a bday message before I even got the chance to talk to him or send her a message He quickly accused me of being angry that he was ' writing first' and had no idea why I was upset .Am I wrong to want him to cultivate his own friendships ? I have no problem with him joining my friends and I at times but this seems to be over the top
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 December 2016):
 He sounds very needy. It could be that he is lonely so he wants to be involved. But I agree he needs to make his own friends, it is unhealthy to want to do everything together. As you said it is nice to have him there at times but we also do need girl time. He just doesn't seem to get that at all. You just need to be strong and say no.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2016): You're right he needs to find his own friends and he deliberately muscled in by writing first. Red flag that he got annoyed, he doesnt like you being close to other people, he has no friends but insists on being involved in the time you want to spend with yours. I might at best say he is needy and insecure. At worst a bit jealous even controlling. My advice is to share this issue with your friends so you can plan for yourselves ahead of his actions.
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