A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a LD relationship and have been engaged for just over nine months. I really love my fiance very much but we have recently been experiencing problems. We disagree on many issues and cannot seem to compromise as we both are stubborn. My fiance has a past which she is fairly sensitive about and even thought I have told her that her past does not matter to me she seems not to believe me. The argument we have now is not based on her past in any way but she seems to feel that no one else will accept her beacuse of her past. The other day I realised that with less than two months from our wedding we are arguing and fighting more than ever before and this has really put a damper on things. I have finally admitted that this is not going to work and suggested to her the we consider parting ways or postponing the wedding until we can iron out our issues as I believe that marriage will not solve our problems. She refuse to accept parting ways and neither does she want to postpone the wedding. She has become extremely negative and has even gone to the extent of saying that I should not be surprised if she removed herself from this earth. I still love her very much but a part of that love has now turned into pity and fear that she may do something to herself. I personally feel that we should part ways as we will not be able to sort out our problems but I feel that by her threatening to do something to herself, I'm being held hostage in this relationship. I don't want to marry her out of pity but I really don't know what to do. Please help!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): Just to add, it seems to me that you're just avoiding the issue of talking to her about her past because you feel that it is unnecessary. While it is in your mind of little importance and you think that it shows greater character by being so indifferent about, ignoring talking about it with her in calmth and seriousness is not the way. It's clearly important to her, and women want to able to talk about this.Sit down, and be ready to talk to her about this in full, find out her insecurites what her worries are and answer them the best you can in an open, honest and approachable, calm and understanding manner. Make some time for this kind of talk.Relationships is about talking about these kind of things and especially when you are considering marriage. If your partner has certain things that he/she feels is important to them address it importantly. It's consideracy.
A
male
reader, cupids_friend  +, writes (26 February 2009):
Well I think that try and help her through what she has done in the past and I know that yall getting in fights might be bad for the wedding but you postponing the wedding makes her feel like you don't want her couse of her past my advise is to be honest with her tell her that you love her no matter what and you will be by her aid thick or thin just help her. I really hope that this helps let me know please
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): You say you realise you that you are stubborn? If you care for the relationship and you have this understanding, why don't take the first steps and make some compromise?That way she'll see the change in you and understand and compromise too, and you'll both start on a better road.
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