| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: me and my ex were together for 2 years, he left me 2 months ago. he was a little emotionally abusive, would joke about me being fat, pregnant. i used to be somewhat anorexic took me 5 years to put on weight, from a size 8 to 12. i found these jokes hurtful would always remind him of it.when i did he would dismiss my feelings, etc.but he had good points too. starting our third year at uni we moved in together we didnt see it as a big move because he lived at my parents for both summers we were together. however he became lazy, my sister went into hospital i became somewhat depressed. i started to feel hopeless. i would go home for 2 days a week for support as a family. when i came back there were bottles everywhere from when hed had mates over, boxers everywhere i would ask if he could just tidy up his stuff as it was always his stuff. he would shrug it off.then come for me for sex. i find it so hard to feel lustful when our home is a tip and he can't even be bothered to show an effort. he stopped making an effort trying with me. then we had an argument about it. i said i feel like you don't care. he said its not that i forget remind me i will please dont go home to your parents i dont want you to stew i love you, il stay if you ask i dont have to go out.i said i need to chill out i feel stressed, hurt. i dont want to spoil your fun go out just dont wake me at 3am.a week later i had to spend a full day at the hospital, he had spent this week geting stoned, drunk, most of his day in bed hungover when im in uni 9-6. i became frustrated, one day i came back from my parents upset a from being at the hospital finding out my sister was schizophrenic. i just wanted the flat to be tidy, a cuddle from my love. i came in he was on his ipad. i asked if he could find the remote i saw him sitting on it. he said he was busy. i then went to my room . as a release of emotion i decided to move some furniture around in my room. he kept coming in. i said babe i feel hurt i need you to leave me alone so i can cool off. (had work in an hour) i said i only came home to see you i have work in an hour and you were to busy playing games.he asked me for a fag. i said are you asking me beause you want one or you are sorry? he said sorry.i went to work came back at 2 he wasn't in, i assumed he had gone clubbing with his mates. he came back at half 2 i had just had a bath got ready to go bed. chilled myself out. he came into my room held my hand i looked at him i asked are you drunk? he giggled said im not drunk.... i said your high? he laughed. tryed cuddling up to me. i said babe im exhausted ive been at the hospital been to work im tired i just want to go sleep. he walked out and said well fuck you then. the morning after i woke up angry. i had felt hurt by his actions for so long i went into his room and said you really hurt me , you cant be bothered anymore. we had a fight shouted at eachother. he told me he wanted it over. i said i wont be held by a threat.(something he would always say we disagreed)i went home he went to london for a week. didnt contact me for 2 days only to ask if i was ok tellme he was with his mates. the day after i contact him saying i can't cope with this heartache im to distressed with uni, work, my sister i dont need this limbo as well. that i loved him, but dont bother contacting me i can't cope.he text me back saying go bed, i love you too babe, go bed.why are you doing this? the day after i emailed him saying i want to forget all of this can we both try harder and stay together? he said he couldn't sorry.i had to nag him then to take me off his facebook.he contacted me after begging for me not to block him.i replied its my way of greiving i dont need your reasons for why you dont love me. i must have meant so little to you i cant believe i wasted my life on you.he said ok. your still my bestfriend though, im still here for you. i said thats sick, i dont need you for me to tell you how much i miss you. he moved out a week later.he said ok, well add me when your ready.a month later he text me to say HI hope your ok.i didnt text him back i thought he only did it because he thought he should . not for missing me. i cant help not missing him, i still love him and i hate myself for it.he didn't give me closure or anything is was just a dump, your dumped thats it soz.i miss him, my feeling won't die. i sometimes just want him to appear out of no where and come to my rescue i loved him so much and i thought he did too. i thought he was my one. how do you stop caring? i can't keep thinking i should have tried harder.
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anorexic, clubbing, depressed, drunk, emotionally abusive, facebook, I love you, moved in, moved out, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2011): I've been through a similar thing too. It's better to forget about this complete jerk and eventually find someone better. Work on why you stayed in the first place? Make sure you're the dumper next time in this sort of situation. Work on yourself and become a better person, coz it's unlikely that your ex ever will.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 December 2011):
 Harder than that ? I'd say that you have tried way harder than he deserved. Drunk, high , lazy slob, verbally abusive, insensitive and self absorbed, one wonders WHY did you even try . Oh well here we say " Saint Anthony fell in love with a pig..." ( add shrug ) to stress how love ( or lust ) has seldom any rational explanation.
But I know this won't cut any ice with you so all I can tell you is : be patient, give yourself time. Two months is nothing !, after you had invested so much emotionally in him. It takes time to properly elaborate a loss, and yours is a big loss, even if it's just the loss of an illusion, of an idea you had about a person, and not the person how he truly was. You've lost your pet project, of how you could one day be happily ever after " if only ".
If only he had stopped being verbally abusive and started showing more empathy and respect and cleasning up after himself and and and. But, it is what it is , and you can't write history based on if onlys. Stay with what it is : you have only lost somebody that was not willing or not able to accept your love, and to love you back, the way you want and deser4ve. And that you are probably going to
find the moment you drop the fixer-upper syndrome and chose a guy that does not need major remodeling work done on him.
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