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My ex secretly filmed us having sex and put it online! My new bf now calls me a slag! What can I do??

Tagged as: Dating, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 February 2007) 5 Answers - (Newest, 24 February 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

hay really need help im 22 and ive just found out 2 years ago some guy filmed me and him having sex and took pictures with out my consent god knows how i didnt see the camra or owt! but now there all over the internet i dont know what to do? people are coming up to me mostly men being sleezy!

the worst thing is as soon is i found out the guy had done this i told my boyfriend of a year and a half hes so p****d off! since knowing he bring it up in arguement all the time calling me a slag its not my fault i didnt know about any of this?

i really need help i dont know what to do about my fella? of the guy that humilitated me?

thank 4 listening

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008):

well i suppose ur ex is angry that u have found urself a nu fella n is tryin 2 ruin ur nu relationship u need 2 sit down n chat 2 ur nu fella- n understand that its gotta suck knowin his bird is caught on camera avin sex wiv another guy- its an ego thing. n also r u sure u did not know that u were on camera cos u cud b able 2 sue ur ex- mayb u shud threaten him wiv it- he may remove the video.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008):

You can prosecute the guy who did it for voyeurism.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007):

You can't change the past but what has happened has shown your current boyfriends true colours.

You don't want to be with someone who can not be there and support you in a difficult time, do you?

He is actually feeling shame that his girlfriend has been "exposed" on the Internet. It is a guy thing that he doesn't want to "share" his girlfriend with other people. These masculine feelings are stopping is brain from engaging and realising that you are the victim in all this. I think what has happened should be a stark warning of how he handles emotional stress; he becomes angry and abusive.

As for the video, there is nothing you can do other than to just accept it happened. Whatever you feel is only affecting you, so you need to let it pass and get on with life as best you can.

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A female reader, birdynumnums Canada +, writes (27 February 2007):

birdynumnums agony auntHello Dear,

I am so sorry that this man took advantage of you. What he did was wrong. I would try to talk with the local authorities (bring a trusted and supportive friend) and see if there is any chance of pressing charges. If he is in the film footage and you did not know that he was filming you, you might have a chance to prosecute on some charge - or sue him. Your boyfriend's ego is a bit wounded, but that does not excuse him from being supportive. He already knew that you had been involved with a previous lover, but the fact that it is on film against your will should be making him angry - at the guy who did this to you! His anger is misdirected at you and he needs to calm down and grow up. Tell him you need his support. You may or may not get it - so be prepared to make a difficult decision to let him go. As for the other guy, men who use roofies, slip things in peoples drinks or take advantage of women without their consent are criminals and rapists. Period. Good luck and take care of yourself.

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A female reader, vina_101 United Kingdom +, writes (27 February 2007):

vina_101 agony auntThat boyfriend of yours is totally out of order! It was filmed without your consent and you were not aware of the camera! How dare he call you a slag knowing that that was the situation?! I don't think you should continue the realtionship with him, because if he can't be more understanding and brings it up all the time and hurts you with his words then you should forget him. It's bad enough it's all over the internet he's not making the situation any better. I mean obviously he wouldn't be pleased about it and I understand that, but if it was done without your consent then he has no right to call you a slag.

I think you should take legal action against that creep who did this to you. This is the equivalent of someone filming you while you're in the bathroom.

Dump the unreasonable boyfriend and sue the creep who secretly filmed you.

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