A
female
age
30-35,
*ruelondoner
writes:After 3 years of being with my boyfriend from age 16-19 he told me suddenly that he doesn't love me as much as he used to and ended the relationship, he said he wanted to stay friends but I said I would rather not as it would play with my emotions too much. I can't lie it did break my heart but now 6 weeks has past and I have slowly started to manage living without him. Today I found out he has quickly moved on and is in another relationship with someone else. I want to know why/how he moved on so quickly. It hurts me so much to think that he is over me so quickly. But my head is telling me he isn't worth it and to be strong and move on.. I want answers but I don't want to get any more hurt. This was my first relationship and is my first heartbreak.Please... any advise is welcome and much appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2015): I doubt this is much consolation but my ex husband 'moved on' at the same speed after 18 years of marriage and he was my first love. I agree with others that mentally he was not in the relationship as deeply as you perhaps so has found this transition easier. Over time as you mix and mingle again you will reflect on how things were and learn new things about yourself. It is not essential to be in a relationship at all times. In fact the space you are giving yourself to heal is good for you. Make it count. Can you plan an adventure for yourself... a challenge...New interest... some travel? This is the perfect chance to enrich your life outside a relationship and find excitement again. You will bring so much more to your next phase of life than just waiting for a man. Then hey you might meet another guy but it doesn't have to be your only focus. There are lots of books out there on not losing 'you' whilst being in a relationship. Well worth reading a little on relationships too to help you on your journey.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2015): It's happened to me too.
With hindsight, I now know that he moved on so quickly because he didn't love me enough.
That's ok because that means he doesn't deserve me if he doesn't love me enough.
That means you are now free to meet many people. One of whom will love you much much more and for a long long time.
That's how my story is going anyway. I couldn't be happier. And yet a few years ago, I was exactly in your shoes.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (19 January 2015):
Him finding a new girl doesn't mean he's forgotten about you. It could mean he needed help getting over you.
It hurts, but take heart knowing that the guy of your dreams would not have done this to you, so he's still out there hoping to find you.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (19 January 2015):
Him finding a new girl doesn't mean he's forgotten about you. It could mean he needed help getting over you.
It hurts, but take heart knowing that the guy of your dreams would not have done this to you, so he's still out there hoping to find you.
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A
female
reader, LittleLJ +, writes (19 January 2015):
 I think we've all been there and although it hurts I think it's just because he's young and wants to play the field before settling down. I'm sue that when you heal from this and get over him you can have lots of fun with your friends and be young free and single. My first boyfriend did the same to me and I'm sure he loved me but he was just young and wanted to do his own thing. Please don't let it upset you and go and do all the things you want to do :)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 January 2015):
 Isn't it amazing how we guys can dump one girl, then take up with another before the first one has even hit the ground?!?!?
Chalk it up to our amazingly-short attention spans....
Have heart.... not all guys are like this.
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, truelondoner +, writes (19 January 2015):
truelondoner is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 January 2015):
 My advice is to not take it personally. Everyone moves on at different speefd and in different ways. Doesnt mean you meant less to him than he did to you. This is just his way of dealing with life, to move on quickly. It is not what works for everyone, but we are all different. He was also probably thinking about ending things long before he finally broke it off. In my experience, when it comes suddenly for the one part, then the other has probably though about it for a while, yet kept quiet about it. So he might have already come to terms with the breakup BEFORE you knew about how he felt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2015): I'm sorry Hun. The best way to describe his actions is just careless and immature. Some people are just selfish and their idea of love is fleeting.
Most likely he was losing interest in the relationship way before he told you. That is why he "moved on" so quickly. He has probably been checked out of the relationship for months. Maybe even a year. Maybe longer. But he didn't bring it up till six months ago.
You are being very strong and should be proud of yourself. Just keep it up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2015): The first few relationships in our youth are trial-relationships. Discovering your sexuality, establishing your sexual-identity, and how you feel about the opposite sex. An introduction to things to come. As you mature you will evolve and your simplest needs as an adolescent girl, will become more complicated and sophisticated.
You have to start from a rudimentary childhood puppy-love; to get you through puberty. Then you need gaps between boyfriends to develop as a woman. You have to mature in order to expect more and give more in a relationship. You have to hon the skills to maneuver your way through life on your own. To grow and survive. Your mind and body have grown to full maturity; but you've developed only through one phase. Being on your own for awhile; you'll find your taste will vary and change in men. Your needs and desires will be more defined; and you will develop a better understanding of the world around you.
You'll get a little stifled when your world revolves around only one guy. You can't see it now, but his moving on quickly was actually healthier for you. You need to live life without training-wheels. You need to grow-up a little.
You stayed within the comfortable confines of what you knew.
You felt comfortable and content just holding on to the same boyfriend as years rolled by. He stayed with you because he knew that's what you wanted; but he may have been cheating and seeing other girls the whole time.
He had a head-start on deciding when it was time to move on. He had his next relationship already started, and his decision to breakup was planned in advance.
There are some people who do keep their childhood sweethearts for a lifetime. That doesn't happen for most people. Sometimes they part and return years down the road.
Don't count on it. You may do a lot better.
It is better to grow by learning and dating different people. To determine what type of partner is your best match. Just holding on to the same person doesn't mean their feelings remain the same as yours. They can change and their needs may change. In your case, I think you were quite naive, and didn't realize he may have been seeing other girls while he was with you.
Yes it was easy for him. To be honest with you, he practically grew-up with you; and it becomes more like dating your sister. I'm not mocking your feelings or your relationship, but teen relations are not always meant to last much more than a few months. There's a lot to cramp into your life between 13 and 25. You slowed your life down by three years.
You haven't dated other boys, so now you have to familiarize yourself with different personality-types in men. Not boys! You could have, and should have, been doing this during your high school years. Your ex did you a favor. He set you free.
It takes some people only a few weeks to move on; while others may take years to let go. In this case, I think he just met someone, and finally got up the courage to breakup with you.
It may take some time for you to heal and fully recover from the grief and the loss. You really deserve to have some time to yourself. To discover who you are, and to test your potential as a woman. You were too co-dependent on each other growing-up. Now you've got the opportunity to develop your independence, date different types of guys, or just remain single and enjoy your freedom.
Your development is a little arrested by clinging to the same guy since you were both kids. You have to know how to deal with personalities to learn what kind of guy is good for you, and what kind is not. You have to know more about yourself and not be sheltered from the world by clinging to someone as familiar as a brother or cousin.
When you are ready, date. Enjoy the company of menfolk. Pick and choose whomever strikes your fancy. Grow, stretch, and breath. Flirt and test your feminine skills, develop a mystique.
Every young woman needs a period in her life when she isn't committed to some guy. You have to survive on your own sometimes. You could become too reliant or dependent on men; if you don't get out and face the world surviving on your own, and learning survival skills. You have to be acquainted with yourself, so you know what strengths and weaknesses you have. Leaning on a guy since high school blocked the sun, so you were like a little flower that hadn't quite blossomed yet.
I know the pain of being broadsided and dumped. I'm much older; so I wouldn't get-over it as quickly as nature has designed it for someone your age. It doesn't mean it will hurt any less as you get older, only that you deal with it better; because you have more experience. You'll know yourself and how to maintain and control your feelings. He has quickly moved on, that is your motivation to do the same. I agree with you, you don't need to be friends. Look forward from here, your journey has just begun.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 January 2015):
 Some people SEEM to move on faster then others, just because he jumped into a new relationship doesn't mean he is OVER you. It can also mean that he was detaching himself from you a while back and stayed with you while no longer being "in love" and for whatever reason he finally got up the courage to end it with you. Others USE other folks to get over an ex, REBOUNDS. And then again there are some who fall in love with someone else, and decide I want the "new" person rather then the "old" one.
This isn't about YOU not being good enough.
He might not even BE able to tell you why.
Not staying "friends" was a GOOD choice on your behalf.
It will take some while for you to move on, but if you CAN try not to dwell on WHY he left or WHY he has moved on, it is irrelevant. FOCUS on yourself. See friends, spend time with family and keep on "trucking".
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 January 2015):
 The one who ends the relationship sees the end faster than the other one. He already prepared for the break up while to you it came as a shock. People change a lot in their teen years and sometimes people grow in different directions. I think it's a good thing to move on in life and be positive. The duration, the gap between relationships should not determine the love, the specialness or your value as a person. The ability to move on depends on one's personality and optimism. It's not like if he took years to move on it should make you feel better. A way to move on is to realize there are other people who suit you better. Also not to put too much importance on first love. Most first loves don't last long. Someone's got to be the break up initiator. Imagine if you were the one breaking up with a guy would you wish him the best, or would you want him to be unhappy for months? Some people need alone time to heal, while some date around to have a fresh perspective. Perhaps he still thinks of you but is trying to forget you by being with another girl? I think it would be good for you to meet other people too. Not to show him you have a new guy, but just for yourself. Nothing serious, just talking, have some laughs and getting to know guys.
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