A
male
age
30-35,
*much4u
writes:So what do you do when an old time ex suddenly wants to get back?When we first met I was 20, she was 17 we texted and went on a couple dates then i asked her to be my gf over a text message (very amateur of me right). The timing was awful, she was nervous to reply and ended up not replying till almost a year later saying how she felt embarrassed and bad to say no so she just didn't respond at all.Fair play to her because i can totally see how a 17 yo girl could get freaked out. But we moved on, made peace but never tried to reestablish everything.As the next few years went by we would barely message each other maybe just once a year to say merry xmas, happy new year etc. Just bounce into each other here and there the odd time and say hi, bye.She even dated my close friend for a short stint. And it's only through dating that my friend got to know that she and I had dated and I had asked her to be my gf etc. But they didn't last long only a few weeks. He found her to be a 'pretentious, impressionist, show-woman who is rarely able to make up her mind' [quite the review].During the time they dated my friend told me she asked whether I had mentioned her to which he said not really. She told him and i quote "he really liked me but I didn't feel I liked him in the same manner. I like him as a person, he's cool". And I was cool upon hearing that because not every girl you like will like you in the same romantic manner, such is life.Last night however I got a text from the her suddenly out of nowhere. I quote again "hi how are you love. I realize there are very few people I miss having convos with, you being one of them." We talked a bit and she went on to say "I felt a bit nervous to talk to you because of how we came to a halt originally" Lastly she said "what if I told you i wanna see if I made a wise or stupid decision"So there you have it friends. What do you make of it? I don't have a gf right now but I'm seeing a few different people.My first honest impression is that 1) it seems sudden 2.) not so long ago she told my friend that she only likes me as a friend and not romantically (do girls usually go for guys they only like as a person? psychology, experience and history will tell you nope)So once again I'm just asking for your opinion and thoughts on all this. Thankstl;dr: Ex gf suddenly wants to get back after years of little to no comunication
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2016): She was only a 17 year-old girl when you first met. You were an adult; and she was thrown off, and not quite old enough to make such a decision. It may not have only been hers to make; don't forget being a minor, her parents may have objected. No matter what her decision may have been.
She is mature now, had time to mull it over, you're still around. Single and available. People can come around you know. If for nothing but a date, you have nothing to lose.
You were never a committed couple, and she was immature at the time. I don't get what your post is really implying.
If you still are attracted to her, just satisfy your curiosity. I wouldn't totally dismiss your friend's opinion; but it may be tainted with bias, because it didn't work out for him. He may be miffed by the fact she asked about you!
I'm not suggesting you try to start a relationship; I'm merely saying it wouldn't hurt to go out a few times and see what develops. If you're totally uninterested, make your true feelings known and nip it at the bud. I hardly think judging her on the opinion of an ex-boyfriend, or when she was only kid, is reasonable.
Technically, you were never in a committed-relationship; and she really isn't your ex. She's your friend's ex.
If she had written a post back when she was 17, and asked if she should date a guy who's 20? I would have advised her it all depends on the type of guy he is; and if she feels she's old enough to handle it. Someone may have given her that same advice. She is older now and knows what she likes.
The fact she dated a friend would probably be my only reservation. He may only be averting your interest; because he wouldn't be comfortable with the situation in reverse.
She dating you, instead of him.
The lack of communication means little. You were living your lives, and rarely crossed paths. She has more experience and is now on equal-footing. So what's your problem? This isn't the same thing as two people who broke-up after a committed relationship. You merely parted ways and you didn't take her rejection too well. I'd say you were a little immature as well. She may have felt uncomfortable, because you didn't take it well. You were the older one, remember? Now she's your equal and a woman. Can you handle it?
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 June 2016):
 This is actually a tough one, because I can see both sides, though I will nor use her age as an excuse to not answer you back then. It was over text, so it would have been SO easy to tell you, no or yes. Compared to having that conversation face to face. But ignoring your message? I guess it can be chalked up to immaturity or not wanting to hurt your feelings... I just don't entirely buy it.
She was OK with going out on dates with you, but not "let you down easy".... Meeh.
Then she started to date a friend of yours, who seems to have nothing nice to say about her. What he says about her personality doesn't quite match up with the "felt too bad to say no" excuse. IMHO
She CHOSE "ghost" you, because it's an easy way out. That way she didn't totally burn her bridge with you, which from the Christmas etc random texts seems to prove.
For me... It looks like you have kept you around because she KNEW you liked her more than she liked you. She liked that fact. And now that she is single and maybe don't have an "clear" options... she has looked back to whom she can maybe either have a sorta friend/admirer or even a BF. But it doesn't really tell how she FEELS about you.
Personally, I'd skip her. Mostly due to your friend's review. Now granted, his view of her might me skewered because they didn't work out. But he ACTUALLY have spend more REAL time with her than you have. So is there truth in his words? Or is he a "bitter pill" ?
If one of MY good friend gave me THAT kind of review of a person who said they were interested in me, I would trust my friend to look out for me. But that is how all of MY friendships have been. Not sure how yours is with this guy. After all he had no problem dating a girl you were formerly interested in. (if he knew).
I think she is either on the rebound or in between and want a test run with a guy she KNOWS is a decent fella... even though she didn't like you THAT way earlier.
So what you CAN end up with is a second rejection from the same girl. Only you can decide if you think she is worth a go or not.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (9 June 2016):
 Shes very very indecisive and I think still very young. I would say just tell youve moved on. But if you want to open that door again, treed very carefully. She sounds extremely young and I'd say you can date her again but also try date a few other ladies. Keep an open mind, just have fun. Dont expect anything back and youll be fine.
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