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male
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*K2410
writes: I split with my girlfriend 4 months ago. I'm 36, she's 40. I still have strong feelings for her and during these 4 moths I have not contacted her once. Although she wants to believe the decision was mutual, it was more her doing. She wanted to meet up a few weeks ago (just sex I think)..... and i said 'NO'. The problem I have is that she contacts me every couple of weeks or so, in fact yesterday she called me, the conversation started well and friendly but ended badly. She kept going on about how she is finding it hard to get out of bed in the mornings and just cope day to day with looking after her kids, job etc.... all the conversation was about her and how hard done to she feels, in fact she was largely to blame for the end of our relationship with excessive neediness and jealousy. Still now she is only interested in how she feels and in the conversation she brought up things that I had done wrong, truth is there were very few and those were only at the end of our time together. We work for the same company and I will see her in 2 weeks and then again 2 weeks after that. Sense tells me to cut ALL communication with her, but there is a small part of me that wants her to keep in touch..... What should i do about the contact as it is hurting me quite bad?
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male
reader, AK2410 +, writes (12 September 2007):
AK2410 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your replies, they're all much appreciated. You all make perfect sense and I know that dealing with the emotional turmoil takes strength.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): Don't bother with her. The relationship is over and she has to accept that. She is being selfish and hurtful by not caring in anyway about you when she just talks on and on about herself. If you run into her and she keeps nagging about the past relationship tell her that she has to pull it together and care for her kid. You on the other hand will not go back into that drama filled world. Your have to keep your sanity.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (12 September 2007):
 Since the contact is causing you pain, I would avoid it. She sounds very self-centered. If you can't avoid her on the job, you certainly can off the job. That way you will only have to deal with her every two weeks and keep that at a minimum as much as you can. This woman is making your breakup recovery almost impossible. Be strong Buddy!
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (12 September 2007):
 i think you're right to cut all contact with her,otherwise she is only going to hold you back from getting on with your life. it sounds to me like this woman is very immature and needs to take a long hard look at how she handles her life. if you are only going to see her every so often in work then just be civil to her and try not to entertain anything in work.talk to her and apologise for the way things ended but you would just like to two of you to be able to go your separate ways and get closure. you wanting her to stay in touch is the part of you that still wants to be with her but it is the unlogical part. cut communication with her for as long as it takes for the 2 of you to get past the break up and lead your lives. i hope this helps, i have gone through the same problem so if you want to email me to talk further dont hesitate xxx
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