A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My exhusband has been coming around the house, I do let him with hopes things were maybe going to work out.. but I noticed he never asked me out for coffee or anywhere....I am not ugly..I dont want to sound conceited but I dont have trouble getting a man , I chose not to....so its hurtful the one man I love wasnt asking me out...I asked him and he said he doesnt like coffee and I should know that so I just left it at that...and he continued to come over watch movies and bring pizza and I would make bbq..fun things..thinking things were somewhat getting better.He said he wants to remain friends, so I thought he just wants me to forget his affairs and see if I change....well , 2 weeks ago I found out he was taking a woman out for coffee OUT OF TOWN see I talked to the woman he didnt know I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HER,,, she said his name wasnt my husbands name ..but the description was him and later I come to find out it was him...!!!! he denies everything ...he hasnt talked to me and said he hates my guts....hates my family!! and he keeps on saying we will never be ...this is something he has been echoing forever ..but yet he was the one coming arouund buying my bd gifts xmas gifts....I am so confused on what happened to this man...he is now saying he hates my guts I am devastated I should be the one but even after this woman I still dont hate him....whats wrong with me...I dont ask for him back why does he keep repeating that we will never work is he tryin to convince me or him?????
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLol ...sorry I didnt clarify too much.haha ...I am dating but having a rough time getting over my ex..I am moving on ..but I feel sorry for him and I know me finding out ruined his little game.....but I know hes going to be very sorry one day ...
this man was the world to me....we were inseparable ..but mid life crisis has claimed another man....sad
he cheated on me ...and now is on a roll...
I know people :( my fairytale marriage is over.... I get it....thank you xo
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012): I am confused, you say you are dating your first love but initially said you chose not to date others even though you have chances?You said you let your Ex into the house to share time in the hope things would work out. The only man you love.He has shown he does not care AGAIN, he has proved you should wash him out of your life.He is toxic.Save yourself more heartache.Divorce HIM.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (26 April 2012):
 It doesn't matter one bit whether he wants the divorce or not, you need to get it so you can move on with your life. I recommend you see a lawyer ASAP. You are just wasting precious time as far as I can tell.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 April 2012):
 Maybe tell your ex it's time for him to not just come around and hang out? Except if he wants to spend time with the kids?
And he can spend time at his house,can't he?
Honestly, I would not want to spend time with him, if I were in your shoes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe separated because he was caught cheating!! he begged for me to take him back , thing is he is addicted to intimate encounters...and loves the rush of meeting strangers having sex ..he is superman behind the screen...he has said he hates my guts because I found out, then he appologizes....
trust me I have moved on I am dating..MY FIRST LOVE.. :) Im not that pathetic woman ..23 years not only was he my husband he was my bestfriend and we were very close but I have come to find out he has a very dark side..I feel sorry for him now...thats what the picture is here.....
As for divorce he doesnt want to get it and has said I will be his wife and only wife ....
hes mad I found out and left his ass....and now he isnt that upstanding respectful man he was .
my kids dont talk to him....and despise him now ....
this last incident I found out and told him he denies and denies....
If he hated me and wanted me to move on .....
HE WOULD OF TOLD ME ALL ABOUT THE WOMAN.........sorry anonymous but you seem to talk like the "other woman"
the other woman syndrome....always hates on the wife.....
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (26 April 2012):
 Hi
he was angry cos you invaded his personal space,he knows you know the fact he was apparently using a different name and meeting a woman . He had tried to be discreet by meeting out of town but you still found out. He is allowed to date whoever now as are you.
he is wrong to give mixed messages to you but then he has moved on emotionally and you havent , so you really cannot be just friends.You have to cut all contact for your own well-being,to get over him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012): All i see is a wife loving a worthless 'cheating' husband who is pacifying her until he gets rid of her once and for all.
Oh Hun, when are YOU going to get the FULL picture? He is a user and a liar. He has already replaced you. Buying you token gifts just keeps you sweet while he carrys on with other women. Its the oldest trick in the book. HE has spoken his feelings to you: cruel words yes. But they were necessary words. Perhaps YOU should really think about his words. They have truth in them. I know its hard ... But why hold on to hope when there is Nothing left in your marriage.
Hun, He is GONE. He is out of your life. He has chosen to have other women/another woman in his life. His actions are very clear. You just need to accept this, please. Its for your own good.
I think you need to check the archives and the excellent advice given to spouses like you: you will also get some excellent coping skills which you desperately need.
Plse also note: pizza, meaningless VDay gifts, popping around are mere strategies used by spouses to pacify the other so that the other is kept in limbo: the other spouse plays "nice" during seperation and divorce: the other is clueless before the final nail in the coffin. This happens all the time.
I know you want more but hun, he has chosen. When are you going to change your locks, telling him to stay away. When will you see a lawyer? When will you start the first day of the rest of your life?
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 April 2012):
Do you want to start the relationship back up perhaps? and he is just using you as a back up plan til he finds "greener" grass?
It's hard for me not to get the wrong picture - but paint me the "right" one?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2012): Maybe he's being so nice so you don't rake him over the coals in the divorce settlement. He wants to move on in life, maybe find someone new, without too much of a hassle from you in court.
It's over and he wants to "remain friends", in other words, he'll play nice so you'll play nice and give him a friendly divorce.
When you confronted him about the other woman, all bets were off because his plan didn't work. Now...he's showing his true colours and how he really feels about you.
Why haven't you given him a divorce? I don't know what happened to make you guys separate but it's clear he never wants you back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoneypie yes we are separated , but why come over and buy expensive gifts for birthdays and valentines...
You dont have the right picture here , but yes your right he does have the right to take anybody out for coffee, but in my world if I am befriending someone it's nice to go out for coffee and not crap on thier face and ask another woman out..I would say we should go out for a coffee.. and he would say yeah sometime ...but never ...and that woman he asked out she cant be all that he has to hide her....take her out of town..why????? we're separated....could it be he doesnt want me to find out....???? see Honeypie you dont have the right pic ..
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A
female
reader, Latti +, writes (25 April 2012):
He is your EX-HUSBAND for a reason! Allowing him to come around is NO GOOD FOR YOU... AND it sends the signal to him, that "Yeah, she still wants me". Your watching movies, bbq....almost like dating, but your wooing him....he's not taking you anywhere! He keeps making the statement, "It will never be"......because YOU keep letting him come around, your not really dating anyone else.... AND that's obvious to him. Cut the strings AND move on....you deserve better!
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A
female
reader, ineedyou  +, writes (25 April 2012):
 From my personal experience, the moment I started getting over all of my ex boyfriends was the moment I decided to cut all contacts with them. It hurt like crazy at first, but then it slowly got better and better. You need to realize your life and his life are not intertwined anymore, so the best thing you can do is not see him/talk to him anymore and just get your life back on track! A fresh start...it is exciting! And you'll see...you'll be feeling a whole lot better soon!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 April 2012):
He is your ex husband and you two are divorced, so I can't see why he can't go out for coffee.
He already stated that all he wants from you is friendship. Though it does seem like he wants to be friendly as long as it suits him.
I think in order for YOU to get "over" him, you need to cut the contact. Having him around constantly is apparently not helping at all.
Focus on you?
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