A
female
age
30-35,
*mprjw
writes:ok here it goes me and my boyfriend of 5 years just broke up a few months ago, he is also the father of my daughter. i figured we just needed a break, but he started acting like its a permanent thing, he stayed at friends houses for awhile, then when he had nowhere else to go, he came to stay with me. i love him so much n do everything for him because i want to be a family again. he wants to be friends with benifits, i feel like im being used, but i wanna keep him around as long as i can, wht do i do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 July 2011):
 he is using you. that's why you feel like he's using you.
if you want to keep him around then all you need to do is give him food and sex and make no demands on him for love, affection, help with the household, the baby or the bills.. just be there to service his every need... and pray he does not find someone to love because he will leave you in a red-hot minute when he does.
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (14 July 2011):
 Imagine this:
Someone stops by your house because they are hungry.
No one else invited them over for dinner.
They plop themselves down at your table and insist you go into the kitchen and prepare them a feast to their liking.
He gorges himself until full, burps and gets up from the table without a Thank You.
Would you invite him back for dinner?
Well, that is what this guy is doing. He is CONSUMING you and what you have to offer, because he has NOTHING better going on. He will take what he can get as long as you offer it. He uses you with your permission.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): "Friends with benefits-type situations don't work when one or both people have any kind of emotional attachment to the other." and jmc930 knows this how... I'd say it's more the opposite. FWB situations don't work when there's no attachment at all. Any adult can easily find mechanical sex. For it to be worthwhile, there has to more to it and that more is some sort of connection between the partners.
jmc930 is right about this though.
"tell him it's all or nothing."
That is the best advice.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (14 July 2011):
What a mess, a great reason not to have a kid with a BF
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): How confusing for your child for mommy and daddy to seem involved with her other sometimes, but not others.
Friends with benefits-type situations don't work when one or both people have any kind of emotional attachment to the other. You definitely have an emotional attachment to this man.
Like other posters have said, tell him it's all or nothing.
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A
female
reader, Star xxx  +, writes (14 July 2011):
 So he wants to have his cake and eat it?
All the time you let him he will carry on.
I had the same thing with my husband many years ago and I was the same as you would do anything he wanted just so I could keep him around.
Let me tell you, you lose all self respect and dignity doing this and it will eventually bring you down.
Just a suggestion but here's what I did, tell him no its all or nothing but make sure you stick to it. If there is any chance for you two he will very quickly realise what he is missing and then you have him back 100%.
If not then it was not meant to be and you need to come to terms with that and move on.
It worked for me and we are now stronger and happier than ever.
Take care xx
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (14 July 2011):
 If you feel like he's being used and he's only living with you, don't let him actually start using you. Don't give him any kind of sexual favors until he knows what you wants and is willing to give it to you(emotionally). I think you should find someone else for now cause he only wants meaningless sex.
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