A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm 17 years old and my boyfriend is 20. I have been dating him for nearly a year and a half now but my parents never approved. My mom doesn't say much about the relationship but my dad is being stubborn and keeps comparing it to the past/bad relationships of my siblings who are 10-20 years older than me. I have told my dad countless times that I will date my boyfriend no matter what he says or does but he keeps forgetting that I'm in a relationship or lecturing me about having a boyfriend. My parents are in their mid 50s and are wise but I feel like my dad doesn't get that I will one day grow up and love someone eventually. I've already asked myself why I wanted to date and such. That is not the problem. How can I convince my dad that I am mature enough to handle situations on my own and make him understand that I am not like my brother or sisters? Whenever he mentions about anyone lying to him, it makes me upset and I don't know what to do. I've never encountered any problems with my boyfriend and my sisters seem think he's an ok guy. We love each other very much but I love my parents. Their approval matters to me, especially my dad's. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (3 October 2013):
 " I'M 17 YEARS OLD AND MY BOYFRIEND IS 20." you and your boyfriend are the same age my wife and i was when we first dated, we have been married now for 30 years. we went through some of what you are going through , i am sorry for you to hear it. looking back family was looking out for the best of their kids but going about it the wrong way, and it caused problems with my girlfriend and me. it caused us to breakup, we got back together needless to say. your parents are trying to lookout for you, and maybe no guy is going to be good enough for their little girl.they are driving a wedge between you and them right. my wife and me we hung around my parents house most of the time (we courted) , we was not out sneaking around having sex. as a matter of fact i never pressured my girl friend for sex. " how can i convince my dad that i am mature enough to handle situations on my own, and make him understand i am not like my brother or sisters?" are you leaving the house with him as soon as he comes to pick you up? to them it looks like you are sneaking around. if so you might want to try hanging around and let him try and get on the good side of your parents, get to know them. hang around with your boyfriend at your house might help, it will be tense for awhile but should smooth things out. another problem might be with your parents is looking at the age deference you being a teen, and him 3 years older. " when he mentions about anyone lying to him, it makes me upset i don't know what to do. their approval matters to me , especially my dads." it goes back to courting or hanging around the house not sneaking off with your boyfriend, letting the parents get to know him for who he is. opening up your relationship with your parents. i hope this will help you, sorry for the late reply.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 September 2013):
 I would not be so keen on a 20 year old MAN dating my 17 year old daughter esp since he has been doing it since she was just past 15.
HE is legally an adult
YOU are legally a child.
Dads and moms do things out of knowledge of past experiences they have had that you are not privy to.
I agree if you want to see this young man then you and your boyfriend need to follow the rules. IF dad and mom say NO outright, then see if maybe you can "house date" when mom and dad are home...
pretend it's 1950 and he's "courting" you. he comes over dressed nicely... maybe has dinner with the family then you can sit in the family room on the same couch and watch tv with mom and dad.
or do things with them.
once your dad gets to know him and sees that his intent is honorable he may relent.
otherwise you have a year to wait. then you will be 18 and can move out and date who you want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2013): Maybe sit down with your tell and tell him that this guy is your boyfriend so he wil have to just accept it as this is who you choose to be with right now. However ask him what can be done to ease his mind, maybe he would feel better having the guy over for dinner once a week or every couple of dates having a dvd session with you, boyfriend and the parents. Get to know why you have chosen this guy. Also explain to him that this is the guy you choose now but he may not be the guy you choose in ten years from now. But without trying different people out and giving out your love, you face not really knowing what or who you want when you do find them. This could be THE guy or he could just be the guy you dated in your teens.Got to realise that you are one of his babies, that maybe his frustration at you dating your boyfriend is actually saying "i miss you, i want to spend more time with you". So go out to lunch together every so often. Make him know you will never outgrow your daddy time.You said your dad compares your boyfriend to your older siblings' exes. You also mentioned lying. Makes me wonder whether you have lied to him or whether you thinks you are lying to him. If there are no lies (lies could be sex cos who wants to talk to daddy about that lol) then just tell him you will be honest with him. No sneeking about. You will get him honesty if that is what it will take for him to have faith in your choice, however he may not like all your choices such as being honest about staying the night at your boyfriends place etc. If its other lies, ask him what he thinks you are lying about and go through it. Say no i would never lie about this or that (and mean it) but that you may have a hard time being completely honest with regards to certain subjects. Also explain to him that mistake one of the ways in which we learn, sometimes got to mess up and make choices that are parents will never approve of but that you hope they love you enough to stand by your choices whether they rise high or crash and burn.Good luck s
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (26 September 2013):
 it's a father's job to look after his daughter. that's what fathers do. in his eyes, you're probably still too young to know what you want and to have a stable, healthy relationship. not saying that this is factual, but just perpahs what he sees.
besides, father's know what guys typically are after - afterall, you dad used to be a guy, right? lol. ya know, before he stopped being one and became your dad. so your dad knows what typical guys that age are interested in. and the thought of his young daughter potentially being taken advantage of is really upsetting to him. once again, not saying that your boyfriend is doing that.
just give it some time. with age will come acceptance. i know that's frustrating, but once you hit your 20's and move out of the house, i'm sure your dad will lessen his fatherly grip on you and be more willing to meet and develop a relationship with the men you date (or even this guy, if you stay together down the road). it's hard when you're still in your teens. parents still see you as their children, not as adults making adult decisions.
just give it some time. it won't always be like this. that's my two cents on the matter. good luck.
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