A
female
age
41-50,
*orceedea
writes:Okay, so maybe I'm over reacting and being stupid idk. Perhaps even worrying too much but... I decided to ask for other people's opinion. I've been in a 5 to 6 months relationship with my bf/fiance whom when i met had broke up with his ex gf/ex fiance of 3 yrs. We use to work together and never spoke to each other until around October of 2009. He always said that the relationship he had with his ex was over and done with way before we met. He shows anger, hostility towards this person because she cheated on him and lied. I love him to death cause he's a awesome person. But sometimes i worry that maybe he's still stuck on her and is just somehow using me as a rebound. Am i right to feel this way and worry? He called her his whore which idk if i should take that as a way of him saying he is still stuck on her but is angry. Am i wrong and over reacting? Or am i okay to feel this way? Please help! I just want to make sure. Thanks!
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broke up, ex girlfriend, fiance, his ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): Hey,
Coming from a guy, when a girl cheats on him it's a HUGE upset. Anger is the only feeling that can be created and I believe that he is calling her "My Whore" because it is a derogative name. Calling her "My Whore" helps him feel that the only reason he may have loved/liked her was for the sex, that's it. No emotional attachment. It is often hard for men to completely accept that they were cheated on because if he treated her so great, he may feel like he didnt treat her great enough. I don't believe he is stuck on her but instead is stuck on the fact she cheated.
A
female
reader, medha  +, writes (26 May 2010):
 Q....
you never told us... your real name is Leslie?
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A
female
reader, sorceedea +, writes (26 May 2010):
sorceedea is verified as being by the original poster of the question He says he is over her and that he loves me. That's what kind of confuses me. He hates talking about his ex and past relationship with her and he hates hearing her name. Even as a joke. Sometimes i don't understand why if he is over her already and has found happiness like he says he has. When we started talking, he was single for about 2 months i think max. Or so it seems. But he said he was over her way before they had split. He got engaged to her 3 yrs into their relationship with her. And with me? Well, it was more of a verbal thing. Verses an act he made himself with a ring and everything. If that makes sense. I love him and sometimes i feel i forced him into wanting to marry me. What do you guys think?
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (26 May 2010):
 I would be more worried that he was engaged to his ex, and now you two are engaged after only 5-6 months! When you propose to someone you are saying that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person, that you will love them forever and they are "the one" if there is such a thing. So I would question his intentions if he is happy to go around proposing to any girl he has been with for a few months - it shows for one that he does not take marriage seriously, and two he falls in love quickly without even thinking things through. Not good traits in a man who you are planning on spending the rest of your life with!
As for the ex - it depends how long he was single for between his ex and you. If it was at least 6 months then the chances are he is over her or has moved on enough to be ready for a relationship with you. But if he has jumped straight into a relationship with you without spending any time getting over his ex then the chances are you could be a re-bound, and he has just replaced his ex with you. The anger you see coming out of him regarding his ex is because he has had little time to get over her, so he is just venting it out at you. People say that anger is just the opposite of love, and can easily switch between the two. And if he really was over her he would have accepted the past is the past and he would not dwell on what happened, nor would he need to call her names to make himself feel better.
It is totally normal for you to feel this way but there is not a lot you can do in this situation - you cannot force him to be over his ex, "taking a break" wont help either. When you break up with someone it is almost like a death - you have lost that person from your life and you need time to greive for your loss, regardless of how well or badly it ended. If your boyfriend has not had that time to "greive" then there is not a lot you can do about it. Only he is the one that has to spend time alone really getting over her before he can get involved with someone else.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 May 2010):
Yes, I'm afraid you are right to worry. He's right to be angry, but he should have dealt with that before he went out with you. When a man or woman is this hung up on an ex, then there is a problem. My ex cheated on me, and it hurt very much. But I tried very hard to get over her. Though you don't get over being cheated on, you are able to move on from the person. He's not moving on at all, and that means he's hung up on her. I think you need to sit down and really think about whether you want to be in a relationship with a man who is so hung up. You don't want to end up second best.
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