A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi I live in california. I am very physically unattractive (I am very stockily built and my hair is not the conventional smooth sweeping locks, I also do not have a very nice complexion and my face is unfortunately put together.I do not believe looks is everything but I realise that some people do. also my personality is very boring and i never make people laugh and always seem to say the wrong thing, or am very shy and quiet.i am feeling depressed, empty and overworked, my pet dog recently died, my family is very f***ed up and i feel like the few friends i do have dont really care that much about me or make me very happy. i have good academic prospects but at the moment im not sure the point in living.the other night i went out and met some of my friend's friends and one of them french kissed me when i wasnt even expecting it and it was quick and he was a terrible kisser (p.s. kissing is no big deal to my friends who have all had sex but kissing is the furthest ive "been" so it was quite rude for me)Now he has written on his myspace like "ewwww the other night was gross what a mistake and all his friends call me rude names and so I feel so depressed and down at the moment and my self esteem is so low. I'd just really like some help, advice on here and people to talk anonymously on msn/by email thank you as i have no one in my life I can really talk to.
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confidence, depressed, kisser, kissing, msn, myspace, self esteem, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): this is the poster. thankyou for all the advice. "done it" what you say is amazing i wish i could be like you and i am gonna work towards it!
thanks agian x
A
female
reader, Miss Kipling  +, writes (9 April 2008):
 I am really sorry that you are feeling so bad at the moment and the fact that you have had some recent knock backs certainly doesnt help matters. You are right, looks are not the most important thing and the kind of people who are only intrested in how you look on the outside are not worth bothering with. Im sure though that you do not look as bad as you think you do.Remember that its easy to be over critical of yourself when you have time to analyse every part of yourself but others will tend to see you as a whole.There are many people out there who arent 'conventionally' good looking but that doesnt stop them from being a success. I think the main problem here though bolis down to a serious lack of confidence. I have expereinced depression as well as low self esteem in the past and have found that one thing that has always made me feel better is to give myself a goal to work towards. It gives you a reason to get up in the morning when you are aiming for something. You say that you are quite academic. Well why not try and do something with your talent, whatever that may be?Perhaps to look at what kind of future career you might like or to go into further education. By focussing on this you will begin to feel better about yourself as a person, knowing that you have an aim in life. It isnt easy when you are feeling down as all motivation seems to vanish but take it step by step. Right down a list of small but positive changes you can make in order to improve your self esteem and work on them.As for this boy. What he said was very hurtful and anyone would feel awful in this situation. But he sounds like a stupid and horrible person and threfore his opinion doesnt matter.Try to remember that although there are some horrible people out there, there are also some lovely ones, you just have to finds them.Good luck x
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A
female
reader, done it +, writes (9 April 2008):
You sound deppressed and you sound like you have low self esteem. Go the docters for deppression, look for a class that helps your self esteem and start treating you like your a princess. I am not collectively attractive, but I am gorgeous, if anyone thinks they can use me, believe you me I am my own greatest fan and I make better choices for my self and body because I esteem myself as being worth it, even if nobody else thinks so, you need esteem to tell idiots like that, I am sorry, do you think you are good enough for me. Who do you think you are? esteem is not a prejudice, you don't have to be beautiful esteem is about caring about yourself, not kissing boys or being a pisshead because you need to fit in a woman of esteem knows her own worth love and that is all you are missing.
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A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (8 April 2008):
 hey,
First of all that boy is an idiot. He's showing his maturity by posting that. Who the hell cares what he thinks he's a loser and he and his friends all need to get lives.
Secondly, I bet you're a lot prettier than you think you are! you can learn how to make the most of what you've got though. check out a site like makeuptalk.com/forums. I go on there and the girls (and a few guys!) who use it are the loveliest, sweetest people you will ever ever ever meet! Its a massive forum with thousands of members but they are all absolute sweethearts so if you want a few pointers or tips on how to make the most of your looks, thats the place to go. you'll find tips on everything on there - hair, makeup, weightloss, anything. If you wanted to you could even post pictures of yourself and ask people to give you advice on makeup colours/hairstyles that would suit you etc.
I'm sure your friends care about you a lot more than you realise so dont take them for granted. Unless they are doing things specifically to hurt you or hold you back then you should hang onto them and maybe set aside a day or an evening everyweek where you all get together and do something that you enjoy and will make you happy. You could organise it, dont wait for them to do all the work and change your life for you.
And theres nothing wrong with being shy. I used to be cripplingly shy and still have my shy moments but its something most people grow out of. The secret is to act confident even if you are anything but on the inside. Then eventually you get so used to acting that way, it stops being an act and you dont need to try. Most people are a little self-conscious so when you are worrying what they're thinking about you, the truth is that they're not thinking anything negative about you at all because most of the time they are too busy worrying what you're thinking about them! Isnt that ironic?
Feel free to message me anytime if you want to talk more
take care
Brooke
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): Honey, message me okay. Talk to me. I'd give you advice on here but my internet is about to die! Sorry!! So message me, I promise I won't judge you.
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