A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My brother started dating a new girl a few months ago. He met her through an online dating site. I don't know how serious he is about her as he just got out of a long-term relationship (he was engaged) prior to meeting her. Likewise, I don't know how serious she is about him yet. I am in a long-term relationship myself and this weekend my brother, his friends, his new girlfriend, and my girlfriend all hung out together a lot. I kept noticing her looking at me out of the corner of her eye and smiling and when I talked I could see her hanging on my words. I am old enough to know when a woman is flirting with me. I was polite and did not flirt back. I did try to keep her entertained and comfortable (for example, asking her if she wanted anything else to eat) as my brother is sometimes not the best or most attentive host.In the end, nothing came of this flirtation, but when we parted she smiled and breathed: "I'd love for you to tell me more about the stars" referencing a conversation I had with her and my brother about my interest in astronomy.She is a pretty young girl (9 years younger than I am, as my brother is younger) and I am exceedingly flattered by her attentions, but I am in my own relationship. What I am trying to figure out is what her angle is. Is she trying to pit us (my brother and I) against each other? Is she just uberfriendly? Is she a flirt? Will she be faithful to my brother? As flattered as I am, I am also not happy that - as big of a boor as my brother can be - she was batting her lashes at me. I won't tell him, but it made me feel uncomfortable. I am used to his girlfriends liking me, because - well - in many ways my brother and I are so similar (and look similar) that if they like him they tend to like me. But liking me and outright flirting with me - in front of my own girlfriend sometimes no less! - are two different things. I am not sure if that's a personality flaw or if she was just trying to be nice. How can I tell?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 June 2012):
 Only time will tell if she's a natural flirt and just being nice or has sinister motives.
Personally I'm a huge flirt even in front of my man whom I love and would never cheat on... just because I flirt with a man does not mean I'm interested in sleeping with him.
for me sometimes a flirt is just a flirt...
her angle may be just that she's friendly
her angle may be just that she wants to be friends with her boyfriend's brother
maybe she really is interested in the stars? I know I would be...
as to whether or not she will be faithful to your brother... that's your brother's concern not yours.
if she is like me, a natural flirt, she may NOT know that her flirtations make you uncomfortable.... next time you see her take her aside and tell her point blank that you would prefer her not to be so flirtatious with you... if she's INNOCENTLY doing it you will know.... I would be HORRIFIED and so embarrassed to find out I made someone uncomfortable with my behavior, that to me seemed normal and natural.
IF that's the case, and she gets a bit standoffish after the conversation, don't take it personally, she may have to spend some extra time finding a comfortable middle ground between how she normally behaves and what makes you comfortable. I know if someone said something to me about my flirtations making them uncomfortable, I'd back off so far they would think me pissed off at them.. but that's just how I would have to cope with respecting their boundaries... it seems very black and white and in the beginning it would have to be, till a comfort level for all is established.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (25 June 2012):
 She is flirting with you and yes it is inappropriate. I think she went way beyond just trying to be friendly towards you.
Do I think she will be faithful to your brother? No.
She should still be so interested in your brother that she is blind to any other man in the room. She should, at such an early stage, be hanging off every word your brother utters. Her stray glances should be directed at your brother.
Instead she is using your brother as a stepping stone to an even better prospect. You.
She also does not care that you are in a relationship. So very very soon your girlfriend is going to notice.
This woman would have no qualms about underminging your relationship with your girlfriend.
Do not allow her to engineer any opportunity to be alone with you. Do not allow her to manipulate any situation so that you end up with just you and her in your car, in your home or in anyone else's home when you are alone together. I sense trouble from her.
If she wants to learn about astronomy suggest she read a book. You do not have the time. That is her hook to get her claws into you. Sorry to be tough on her. But I can just see her trying to flirt with you in front of your girlfriend and your brother and I am not impressed with her at all.
I feel sorry for your brother for being duped by this woman.
And I agree with you. Say nothing to your brother. But certainly do nothing that would allow this woman to try to describe a situation that did not happen - but would (if believed) undermine both your relationship and your brother's trust in you.
Her actions went far beyond just being 'nice'.
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