A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Ok so my best friend is Caucasian, and I am African American. I totally understand why she would want to date a white guy, because it is something that I understand the agreements and disagreements of that topic being offensive. But we live in a place where- like most states near te south and in America, blacks are a minority. Me and my brother are the only ones in our high school. For me, how she brought it up though was-" Uh no! I would never date a black person- was offensive. from how she said it. The thing that really gets to me is little "black comments" that she frequently says. Theyre rude and I find them unnecessary.They hurt my feelings; whether it brings up a stereotype or just- again, unnecessarily- points out that I am black... Which I am well aware of. For example just last week I was on a business trip with my dad where a lot of people knew me but I didn't. You know how it goes ; "I knew you when you were..." but you don't know them. I explained that to her: not knowing anyone though they all seemed to know me. Her response in a text was "it's because you're black." I responded "uh no, its because my dad...." and explained it to her. Her response was," I still think its because you're black."Now am I just over sensitive, or is she being rude, or racist?
View related questions:
best friend, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 June 2012):
 Honestly, she sounds insensitive and ignorant, no more. Which in itself is a little sad.
As for her statement:" I would never date a black guy" just means that her preference is towards "whites", which honestly isn't odd if she lives in a place that is mainly "white".
And don't forget if she keep saying things that HURT your feelings tell her. Be BLUNT right back.
Educate your friend. Educate yourself.
A
female
reader, seeyes22 +, writes (25 June 2012):
I think you might be a little sensitive. You have to remember that a person life starts with their parents and how they were raised. Plays a large part in our lives. If there are true feelings then race means nada. Just keep her as a friend and move on to someone more caring.You cannot force someone to change but you can move on.You sound like a great guy and you need to look for a great girl. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (25 June 2012):
 You're taking this the wrong way OP. Your friend is being blunt but in a minority where you and your brother are the only African American kids, your skin colour will set you apart and not in a bad way. Don't take it as racism, its just something that differentiates you from the crowd and is the easiest identification. Like you said, you might not know certain people but they would know you quite well because you stand out from the majority.
I've written all of this in a long winded way, but your friend said it in three words...because you're black. A little blunt I agree and not the best way of saying it, but she's immature and just repeating what she's heard. I don't think she means harm, she's just ignorant.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 June 2012):
 I agree she does not mean any harm... she's just spouting off what she has learned... or what she feels/believes.
I have a great kid story too.. my son was about 6 and he came home from school and was telling me about this girl he liked.. he was describing her to me and I said "oh is she black?" and he gave me that "quizzical puppy look" like I was NUTS... and he said "NO MOMMY SHE'S BROWN" and I asked my very olive complected son "well if she's brown what color are you??" and he looked at his arm, and at me and back at his arm and he said "I'm kinda pinky-yellow"
now if only the whole world could see through the eyes of children who have not learned that society slots us into places based on race, sex, religion, or sexual orientation...
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 June 2012):
 Sounds like she's less racist and more insensitive and ignorant. I know a lot of white people feel like they're somehow cooler for having any kind of a minority friend and it makes them feel even cooler if they are "in" enough to make jokes and comments about race. This dynamic is in a lot of TV shows, like have you ever seen Scrubs?
I think your friend is thinking she's being cool and funny, like that she's SO in with a minority person she can joke around about race, but clearly she's mistaken. I have a lot of hispanic friends and no one would ever make comments about it, but for some reason with many of my black friends people will.
I don't think your friend MEANS harm (even though she's causing some), she is young and is the product of her racist culture. It's up to you whether to continue your friendship with her or slowly cut her out. I'm very eastern european-looking and so people make a lot of Jewish jokes about me, sometimes it's OK sometimes I cut them out. I'm also still friends with a lot of guys who make some pretty sexist comments, but some I do cut out. It's just about where you personally draw your line.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (25 June 2012):
 Maybe you are a bit oversensitive . I know that perhaps I am putting my foot in my mouth because skin colour is still a sensitive issue where you live , so I probably I am not catching all the nuances , but... you ARE black. And as such , you stand out in a majority of white people . Same as if you were the only girl with glasses in your class, or the only wearing white shoes in a group of people. Calling you " the girl with glasses " or " the girl with white shoes " is a quick way of identifying you, not of labelling you.
I remember when my son was about 4 yr. old, one day we were at the playground and he came to me ,complaining he had lent his ball to an older girl and she did not want to give it back. I said: Ok, I'll retrieve it for you ( And in case you wonder: no, I was not going to make a scene, just asking it back nicely, lol ) There was a whole bunch of older girls, around 10, so I asked him , which girl is she ? he says :the one with pigtails. There were maybe six girls with pigtails , so I asked , which one with pigtails. And he says : the one with a red T- shirt . There were 4 with red T-shirts, so I ask , well, which one with a red T-shirt. And my kid, breaking into sobs : " The black one, boooo-oh-oh ". The fact is, there was ONE black girl in the whole group- but my son 's very politically correct preschool teacher had told him that calling people " black" was a bad, bad thing and never to do it :)
...............................
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (25 June 2012):
 she's ignorant and probably a bit insensitive but i have a black friend who would "never date a black man" as she doesn't find them attractive and when it comes to sex i dont think its racist to have a sexual preference.
however to point out your race every five minutes is annoying- myabe when she does this you should start saying that everything she does or that happens to her is because she is white, she may be offended or might find it funny.
give back as good as you get and if she doesn't like it then tell her that you dont want your skin colour to be the explanation for absolutely everything ever as its not always the case...
...............................
|
