A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i love sex. But he wants it alot. He respects when i dont but when he cant get any from me he jacks off and he watches alot of porn. He says he is just like that and he cant help it. Why does he have such a high sex drive and is it wrong for me to feel bad that he has to watch porn to get off when i am not up for it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI never tell him that its wrong! I understand its a release he makes me feel bad because i wont have sex with him every time he wants it. He says o well i guess ill go jack off then since i cant convince u and i want to please him but there are times he wants me to watch porn with him he tells me all the time he likes to watch it i just dont see the point in it. I find sex is a wonderful thing and romance should be involved whilst he usually just wants to get off.
A
female
reader, sanrio.kawaii  +, writes (4 February 2010):
Well my bf has a higher sex rive than me and he knows i hate him watching porn, he would hate if i watched porn too. We both feel the same way, we both hate the thought of our partner getting off over someone else. So when he wants sex but im not in the mood, i give him a handjob or oral. He gets satisfied, i dont get forced into sex and no one feels insecure about porn. Win win situation :) Next time hes in the mood for sex but your not, just tell him you want to relieve him rather let him do it over some slag in a porno ;)
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 It is good, and even possible to live on same wave-length of sex drive. See, TANTRA, is science and art of love and sex, but more of its unity. Please learn this science and make your life as it could be with new learning. I myself is preparing series of articles on the subject. I have published two and more is under preparation. But You can learn it by searching web page through Google search also. I am here to guide also.
best luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): It is not uncommon at all for partners to have different sex drives. Mine was always higher than my wife's. She wanted sex once a day when we were younger, while I wanted it at least twice a day. I would supplement with porn and masturbation. It is a stress reliever for men and probably for women too. A man's sex drive is often higher in the morning, as that is when his testosterone levels are the highest throughout the day. My wife liked sex in the evening and that was fine with me, but I also needed it in the morning and she would only want it then on the weekends.
So here is a question for you. If your sex drive were higher than his, would you feel that it is wrong if you masturbated or used a vibrator? If the answer is no then that is how he feels about doing it.
As long as he is not ignoring your needs or unable to have sex with you wen you want it, then I see no problem with what he is doing. My wife never saw a problem with it either. If he sometimes ignores you then he is having a problem and needs to address it.
I suggest that the 2 of you discuss this and come to a compromise. That compromise cannot be that he stops doing it. That is not a compromise. A compromise is that he does it in complete privacy so that you don't have to totally know what he is doing. He would watch porn when you cannot see him doing it and you would give him the privacy to do that. If you force him to completely stop then you might discover that he is finding sexual relief elsewhere in the future.
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A
female
reader, girl from bristol +, writes (4 February 2010):
is it the difference in sex drive that bothers you or him watching porn the sex drive is not a problem if he accepts that sometimes your not in the mood we are not in the mood all the time if its the porn then you need to tell him how it makes you feel uncomfortable but you have no need to worry if he loves you
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A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 I think there needs to be understanding from both of you here. He needs to understand that you might be feeling bad or down about the fact that he watches porn to get off when you're not in the mood, and you need to understand that if his sex drive is quite high that he needs to let it out frequently. So it's a conundrum.
Is it the porn that bothers you, or is the fact that your sex drive is lower than his that bothers you? Because unfortunately, mismatched libidos in relationships can cause quite a problem.
If you have a problem with the porn, you need to communicate this to him and he needs to listen to you. Otherwise, you might want to look at your lifestyle and think if there's anything you can do to improve your sex drive - as things like being busy and stress can take it's toll on one's sex drive.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): Yes it is wrong of you. He's not cheating on you but looking for a way to release his high sex drive. If you do not want to have sex with him then I don't know how you can possibly complain to him about choosing this as an alternative. People have different sex drives, mine is lower than my fiance's. But i would neve dream of stopping him watching porn or whatever if I wasn't up for sex. That is selfish, controlling and immature. It will breed resentment and he will eventually have enough of you trying to dictate to him.
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