A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 yrs and he won't touch me sexually he'd much rather go into the bathroom and lock the door and watch other females and he chats with them and tells them that he wants to go down on them and then make love to them all night longI'm tired of being ignored by him .And he doesn't see how bad all of this is hurting me.please help what can I do Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (25 February 2016):
Tough love. He simply isnt that attracted to you. Perhaps move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2016): Edit: " If you give him everything a man needs accept sex, you're not his girlfriend."
Correction: If you give him everything a man needs except sex, you're not his girlfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2016): If such is the case, why haven't you let him go? Why are you holding on to a man who isn't sexually-attracted to you, and allowing yourself to be frustrated? He's a boyfriend, not a husband. They are easier to get rid of.
Surely you'll feel the grief of loss from a breakup; but you're feeling grief right now. Mature women tend to hang-on to abusive or empty relationships; out of fear of loneliness, or perceived difficulty in finding someone else. Well, quality of life should be your main objective when you've lived so long and you've paid your dues.
He'll stick around if you cook and clean for him. Pay half or all the bills; or give him a peaceful lovely place to rest his head. If you give him everything a man needs accept sex, you're not his girlfriend. You're a roommate, or live-in maid, cook, and laundress. If he doesn't live with you; you're where he comes when he has nothing better to do, and everyone else is ignoring him. You give him validation and remain his support-system.
Always his number-one fan, even when he doesn't deserve it. Surely he'll stick around for all the freebies. Sopping it all up, and giving nothing in return.
Don't seek sympathy, if you are just allowing him to remain in your life. While suffering the consequences of doing so.
If you only came here to vent and soak-up empathy; I hope we can offer you much better than that.
You're allowing your age to make you feel he's irreplaceable; therefore, you're tolerating intolerable behavior. You're hoping you can change him; or thinking there is some advice we can offer to make him stop.
My dear, that just isn't going to happen. You can't change him, but you can change your situation. Remove the negative factor from your equation, and all that's left are positives or zero. Zero isn't bad, when you've removed your number-one pain in the ass.
Everyone has a saturation point. Your post is an indication you're reaching yours. Well...are you full enough yet?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 February 2016):
 How quickly can you pack and make your way out the door?
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (23 February 2016):
 Aw hun...I am so sorry for you. What your guy is doing is really hurtful and disrespectful to you. I think you have been given some wonderful advice and I'm not sure that I can add much except to say that you deserve FAR better treatment that this. I agree that you aren't going to change him and I would not accept his behavior. Be good to yourself and move on. No woman (or man) would be happy being treated the way you are being treated. Your guy doesn't know a good thing when he has it. Sometimes we have to walk away from what is comfortable to find what is far better for us. 7 years is a long time to be with someone, but another 7 years of being unhappy isn't worth staying. Be well..and please know there is someone far better for you out there.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2016): you should give him some of his own medicine, look seriously for a new partner who would respect your feelings, start dressing well and taking care of your looks and go out dancing and partying and enjoy yourself as a single unattached lady.Start planning your life independently of him. If you depend on him financially, start looking for a job to support yourself, start looking for ways to earn your own living.Don't feel sorry for yourself.Take action.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2016): Your boyfreind is a jerk and Is definitely cheating on you,dump him.I hope you find someone better than him!Good luck!??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2016): It's one thing a man doing this in private and it's another doing it so blatantly with your knowledge. I couldn't stay with a man like that and if he asks why you are leaving him ask him 'What would you feel like if I went in the bathroom and had a sexually explicit conversation with other men and masturbated?'. Seriously I don't know a single man who wouldn't bang down the bathroom door if I did that and boot me out of the front door.If he has so little regard for the way you feel then why be in a relationship. If he's like this, doing something wrong but also rubbing it all in your face then he's not a nice person!Any time I argue with somebody after being hurt best thing to do is switch the situation round and ask them how they would feel if I did it to them. Don't stay with somebody who not only doesn't care that he's hurting you but actually sounds like he enjoys doing it.I read questions on here from men who are unable to find girlfriends and then some people who have what those men so dearly want act like complete nut jobs. He doesn't deserve a girlfriend and maybe you should leave him alone in fantasy land, he prefers talking to people who would never ever want to talk to him in the flesh. They don't have any respect for him do they? He deserves to be single.Don't worry about what he will think of you if you give him a bloody good telling off for this, he should be more worried about what other people think of him. Like MissKin says he doesn't understand how to behave. It's good to try and work things out with your partner if your sex life has taken a nose dive and finding out what would make things better but this isn't an issue with your sex life it's an issue of him being a strange person who lacks empathy and compassion for another person.How nice would it be if you were with a partner who made you feel good and wanted to please you and not just himself. You can get that because there are plenty of men out there who would love a real woman who they can touch and have a connection with instead of a man who's sexual desires are all in his head. Who in their right mind would want to always chat to people and imagine things rather than having somebody real to touch and be intimate with.You ask what can you do, there's not much you can do if you have told him it hurts and he still does it. The problem is his lack of basic human decency. At the age he is, assuming he's your age, he aint gonna change and become somebody else. He's set in his ways. When you are really young and you don't understand how stupid things you do effect others you soon learn when people tell you to cut it out and you learn to change. You understand that you are still young and naive and don't realise consequences. But he's old enough to know better.Sorry for the rather long rant! lol but what he's doing has made me really sad. Chin up and realise you deserve more.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (23 February 2016):
I think MissKin is absolutely right. It’s one thing to masturbate; it’s quite another to actually chat to girls and discuss with them what he wants to do to them. Even pornography, which is just the impersonal viewing of images, isn’t as bad as this. Do you want to be with some-one who can’t see why this behaviour is so hurtful? He is prepared to make a connection with some-one, but it isn’t you his partner. You could tell him what a cruel rejection that is, and you could even point to the fact that this is cheating. But if he needs that spelling out to him, you should seriously ask yourself whether he’s not just too selfish to be right for you anyway. Some things are too broke to be fixable.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (23 February 2016):
 Well. I think you should leave him. Normally if someone is pleasuring themselves instead of enjoying things with their partner I would suggest working on it, finding out where you sequel connections has gone if you used to have one and now you don't. Have things gotten boring? Have you both stopped bothering with trying to be intimate?
But if he really is acting this way it just shows a blatant disrespect for your feelings and that he doesn't understand appropriate boundaries within a relationship. If you can talk to him about it then try I guess, but if he doesn't see why this would hurt you it is because he doesn't care and maybe you should think about if you even want to be in a relationship with somebody like that?
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