A
female
age
41-50,
ellen3
writes:I had been going out with my boyfriend for over five years, we moved in together and things started going downhill between us, I was thinking that he was seeing someone else,so I started checking his mobile, I found a text he sent to his friend saying that he had been offered to go on a blind date with a girl age 26, (I am 42) and if he goes what excuse should he give me, at first I did not say anything just to see would he go, and it ended up he did,they met for coffee one day, and then went for dinner a few days later, when I said this to him, he first said he did not go, but I had found receipts to say he did, we ended up splitting up over this,A few months later he phoned me to ask me out, at the time I said yes, (as i think them all my anger was gone) now he want us to start fresh, as he says he misses me, when I say to him about the trust between us been gone, he replies saying that things started going downhill bewteen us when I had got some money from my auntie and did not tell him,(he found out by going through my bag and found a bank statement) When my auntie gave it to me she had told me not to tell anyone,and that is why I did not tell him,I dont really know what to do, as I know it would be difficult to trust him again, but I still care for him,as at one time we were really special together,he says we could start again, that I should have told him about the money, But I feel I should not have as my auntie asked not to, he said things were not right between us when he went out with this girl,and he regreats doing it,my head is wrecked with this. I keep saying to myself, will I or will I not, I dont think I want to spend the rest of my life wondering can I trust him, as I am not really young anymore,he is 4 years younger than me,Please help with advice. Thank you
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female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (9 September 2007):
 I think he's using the auntie-money thing to draw attention away from his actions and to somehow force you to share the blame for his act of unfaithfulness. Now that everything is out in the open, why did he do it? And what guarantee do you have that he won't do it again? He may still be seeing her for all you know. If you truly love this man, you could try the relationship again, but he needs to know going into it that he will probably be "under the microscope" for a very long time and my guess is, if he has nothing to hide, he won't mind the scrutiny. Afterall, he deserves it. Once you're convinced that he's in it for the long haul, perhaps you will trust him again and the two of you can get back to the place where you were at, when everything was good. And P.S. I'd keep checking his mobile for awhile. Once he is no longer doing anything "shady" you'll be able to relax and quit checking up on him. I wish you the best.
A
female
reader, spanna +, writes (9 September 2007):
 Your money is your business my partner doesnt know how much money i have or wot i spend money on or anything and i dont know his. wot he down was totally out of order and you deserve better if i was you i would leave him and get on with your life, find someone who is gonna be faithful to you, the fact he went out once is kinda forgivable depending how forgiving you are but the fact he went out again is not acceptable. how far would it have gone if you hadnt confronted him about it? sex? 3 dates? 4? 5? full blown affair?
You deserve better, ditch him he is scum for doing this to you
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous  +, writes (9 September 2007):
You may love him, you may care for him, and the times you spent may have been special, but that doesn't mean you're compatible.
You couldn't trust him, but he can't trust you since you went through his phone. But all that aside, you lived together and that's when it started to fall apart. What kind of future do you really see with him if you got back together? Can you work out the trust issues, and can you work out the other issues that made things begin going downhill?
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