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My boyfriend told everyone what we did -- how do I deal with the abuse?

Tagged as: Teenage, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 September 2009) 8 Answers - (Newest, 15 September 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *rielboo writes:

I just tryed oral sex with my boyfriend and he told all his friends. now people are calling me a slut, and i have guys from school asking me to "suck them" or "get on your knees for me" any idea's how to stop this or to deal with it.

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A female reader, Lola1 Canada +, writes (15 September 2009):

Lola1 agony auntHow awful.

When the other posters stated that these comments will die down, they were right. In the meantime, this guy broke your trust. I don't usually say "Dump that guy!" right off the bat, but in this case I would.

"Kissing and telling" in ANY capacity is a HUGE VIOLATION of your trust!

Since I doubt you will, I recommend NEVER DOING it for him again. He isn't cool or mature enough to handle it.

While you are coping with the insults, take comfort in the truth of what the other posters have written (they are immature and intimidated by you) and also remember that only those who haven't been honoured with such a pleasurable experience are likely to be so immature.

Anyone who insults you is advertising to the world about their inexperience. Enjoy a good chuckle. ;-)

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (15 September 2009):

Honeypie agony auntWow I would break up with him in the spot. I know teenage boy can be immature but this? bragging about what you two did sexually to make himself look "big"? That is just uncalled for. HOWEVER, it happens fairly often, so I suggest you remember this and learn from it.

I'm sorry they are calling names, but it doesn't make you a slut. It just makes him a idiot.

Let it go and move on. It won't be long before the school will be buzzing with someone else dirty laundry.

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A female reader, Honeygirl South Africa +, writes (15 September 2009):

Honeygirl agony auntPlease tell me that he is no longer your bf!! He sounds really immature. My first instinct would be to tell you to announce to everyone what a tiny penis hes got and that he couldnt even get it up....

He obviously saw you as a conquest and doesnt really care about your feelings at all - so go girl - fight fire with fire!!

Oh and you are definitely not a slut - no matter what they say!!

Honeygirl

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009):

It must be really difficult for you, but try to ignore them. After a little while, they will get bored of this, and will move on. But if it gets too out of hand, or if it is very upsetting, then I would strongly encourage you to tell someone, perhaps a teacher at school? I know that might not sound easy, but it is a form of bullying, and it shouldn't be allowed to continue.

And you are definitely not a "slut". Just wanted to say that.

I also recommend speaking to your boyfriend, and asking him that from now on, things that you do in private remain private. I once went out with a guy who told his friends some things we had been getting up to. I was really embarrassed when they all asked me about it. I spoke to my boyfriend about it, and he honestly didn't know it would upset me. I couldn't understand how he would assume me to be okay about it, but there you go! So try telling him that you would rather he didn't tell his friends everything. He may not have realsied what would happen. Good luck. x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009):

just go around saying he has been dreaming and from lacking in size he is trying to make up for it by spreading stories. Dont get defensive - laugh it off and say he can keep dreaming. Dont get upset and dont show your true emotions or they will just continue to give you a hard time. If they see it has no effect - they will eventually leave you alone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009):

What a rotten little creep he is. I would spread it 'round amongst the girls that he has a very small weene which you mistook for a chipolata. Then start calling him "Chipolata".

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009):

Just let it go and try to ignore the names. Unfortunately, this is what the majority of young males do. They like to brag even if it isn't true but don't worry give it some time and it will die down. Don't worry, in a couple more years we

(males) get more tolerable...

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A female reader, #1 Advisor United States +, writes (15 September 2009):

Live and learn..when i was in high school i hear rumors about girls that guys had sex with and these highschool boys are immature and shud never b trusted..i remember i always thought of these girls as sluts and stupid for believing their stupid boyfriends and letting their morals go just to make them happy..#1 i hope you break up with him even if he asked you to forgive him,u can forgive him but never trust him or get back with him #2 set morals for urself from this day forward.tell yourself you will never let a guy use. A man should show you his love by waiting for you and showing you first.#3 in this day and age kids in highschool are crueler than ever and you may never live it down. In your mind and heart keep your head up and just know you were fooled and made a mistake act like it never happened..if you react to their comments then they know its hurting you and they will get the reaction they want so its important to be direct and confront them when they make a comment in passing but u must be smart about it ..if its just u and that person and no one else is around be serious and tell them im not your blow up doll shes in your closet at home..but be firm and serious and walk off like wut they said is not embarrasing to you..but they will feel embarrassed..if they try to make fun in front of others..laugh too and say SURE but you have to take me out to eat first cuz i might mistaken u dick for a lil smokey and bite it off..then youll go cryin to ur momma,,now that u have made this mistake you have to live with it and be smart and witty&make them wish they never brought it up..but mostly never let them see that it hurt u..they will get over it and you will to..dont trust them ever again..got it?

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