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My boyfriend thinks I'll cheat if I go to Kent

Tagged as: Teenage, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 September 2012) 8 Answers - (Newest, 19 September 2012)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend doesnt like the idea of me going to Kent because he thinks im going to cheat on him and not tell him because of my past relationships. i tell him everyday that i wont do anything to hurt him and i wont but he thinks im a whole different person when i drink.

i really want to gooooo but i dont know if i should if its going to make us fight.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (19 September 2012):

kenny agony auntYou don't say why you are going to kent, is this a long term thing? Anyway i believe that relationships should be built on trust. A relationship without trust is like building a house without laying the foundations, sooner or later its going to fall down. I also think that you never stop people from fulfiling their dreams, or doing what they want to do, otherwise further down the line resentment will set in. I think that you should go, you sound like you really want too, and also if you don't go you may regret it later in life. Persue you dreams, and have fun while your still young.

Good luck

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (19 September 2012):

CindyCares agony auntAnd how come he thinks you are a whole different person when you drink ?... Is it just his paranoia, or has he seen you in action and knows what you are capable of .... ?

Anyway , your laws do not allow you to drink , you are too young. Stick to orange juice and you won't have problems with your bf- or with the law.

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A male reader, BachelorGreatUncle United States +, writes (19 September 2012):

"My boyfriend thinks I'll cheat if I go to Kent."

Only one way to prove him wrong. Dump him now so you'll be

single when you get to Kent, where you can do much better than him, which coincidentally is exact reason why he's trying to prevent you from going.

He's a loser trying to control you, and guys who use "worries" about being cheated on as veiled accusations against girlfriends are most likely to be serial cheaters themselves.

Don't let him bring you down to his level. Get rid of him, rise above him and get on with your life.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (19 September 2012):

Tisha-1 agony auntYou're 16-17. How much are you drinking?

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A female reader, BondGirl72 United States +, writes (18 September 2012):

BondGirl72 agony auntHowever, if you are not going to school there and just planning to go there to party, I think it's a bad idea. When you have a boyfriend you take his thoughts seriously and you shouldn't put yourself in jeopardy of losing the relationship unless you don't care anymore.

Also, I have nothing against partying, but if you're so innocent, then ask your boyfriend to go along. I can't tell by your post if you are going just for a party or if you are wanting to attend school there.

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A female reader, BondGirl72 United States +, writes (18 September 2012):

BondGirl72 agony auntI agree with Kelly. Even when our significant others say things we don't like, there is often an element of truth to them.

I am not sure what going to Kent and drinking have in common, but if you're planning to do a lot of drinking there, and your boyfriend says you become a different person, then I would refrain from doing a lot of drinking so you can keep his trust.

Apparently you ARE planning on doing a lot of drinking or you wouldn't have brought it up. I'll just say that drinking a lot in any context usually causes trouble...but particularly so at college.

I am not saying you do, but many people see college as nothing but a drunken orgy. I saw college as college. I had to go to school, work a job, and commute an hour to and from school. I didn't have time for fun. Perhaps you give the impression to your boyfriend that you are all about the partying and drinking and that is concerning him.

I think if he had more of a vow from you that you are not going there to drink, party, and screw around, that he might feel better.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2012):

If drinking is where the trust issues lye with you, then simply don't drink. That way you don't have to miss out on your trip down to kent, and your boyfriend doesn't have to worry about you misbehaving either.

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A female reader, kellyO United Kingdom +, writes (18 September 2012):

kellyO agony auntHi,

I don't really know what you mean by past relationships or what you do when you drink as you have not fully explained. However I do think from what little you have said that if i were your boyfriend i will be a bit concerned also. You may think you can trust yourself but is it reasonable to expect your boyfriend to have the same trust. Maybe on this occasion you should not go to kent and hopefully your boyfriend will understand that you do care for him and will start to trust you more.

Kelly

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