A
female
age
30-35,
*ovehel
writes:We have been together 6 years on and off. We were changing the furniture in his room I found a letter he wrote to his ex last year. He broke up with her 6 years ago now, as he moved country. She lives in Italy. I ended up translating it to English from Italian.Here is some of what it says "It is not my attempt to have a bit 'of your compassion but I feel that I owe you! I owe you because you were one of the few people who have left a significant mark in the 22 years of my life and I want to let you know.I want you to know that I know He behaved as complete idiot in most cases during our time together. Looking back almost feel a sense shame as inappropriate have been in certain situations, and I'm sorry, really. For a few moments it was fun to imagine what it would be if I had met you few years longer there. I hope someday you can forgive me if not done so already. I enjoyed every moment spent with you. With you I tried emotions that not even thought" What would you do? at this point I feel he still loves her and plans on being with her eventually???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2016): Stay calm when you talk to him. He could have written it out of spite because of something you don't even know you did. If that is the case, talk it out and see how matters can be fixed. And although you are probably lost and heartbroken, don't let the betrayal dull your shine.
Best of luck xx
A
female
reader, BelleRose  +, writes (18 May 2016):
I want you to look at this slightly differently. You read the letter, fair enough these things happen. In terms of what he wrote, I don't think he wants to get back together with her and I don't think it even says he loves her. What it does say is he is sorry for how he hurt her and he hopes that she can forgive him. The fact he is sorry he hurt her is a good thing. It shows he is compassionate and his ability to worry about her feelings and see how he hurt her is probably a testament to how you two have been and what being with you has taught him. You have taught him to love and care for someone and not want to hurt them. Please don't worry that he is going to leave you, I don't think he will. Not for her at any rate, but maybe for the fact you believe he will. Encourage him to send the letter, to make peace with his ex and to talk to you about his feelings. We all have a past and a strong relationship takes this into account. Love, BR xx
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (18 May 2016):
 We could all analyse the letter from start to finish but the main point here is that you clearly need to talk to him about it. Once you talk to him, you can then make an informed decision on what to do thereafter; whether to leave, stay and ignore, or stay and work through it. I won't begin to tell you what you should do because only you will come to that decision.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2016): I am thinking it was an unsent letter where he was getting his feelings out and saying what he wished he had said it wished he could say. Does he talk to her now and if so, how? Just sending info, being polite due to mutual friends? I don't think it's anything to worry about
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 May 2016):
 You finding the letter indicates he did not send it. You will often read responses on this site advocating people write stuff down, and then either to burn it, or put it aside until this situation causing concern has lessened or is no longer important.
Personally I have used this as a means to aid in moving on, as have a number of others I know. This letter not being posted indicates the same could apply here.
You say he broke up with her 6 years ago, but not how recently the letter was written.
I don't think this letter is cause for concern, however, I get the feeling you did not alert him to your "find" when you were helping him change his furniture, which indicates your relationship with him lacks openness and honesty. Why don't you show him the letter and ask him what it means for you and him?
Sneaking around reading other people's private papers could be why your relationship has been off and on, and that does not bode well for a long and happy future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2016): I have a different take on it. Although I do agree he still loves her. He's asking for forgiveness. He's older and realizes his mistakes. The question I have for you is this.
Is he good to you? Perhaps you have brought out the best in him, and looking back in retrospect; he sees how much of a dick he must have been then. If he hurt her, he can move on by bringing her closure. By asking her to forgive him, and admitting he treated her badly.
Now, you must assess the quality of the relationship you have with him. Are you just clinging to him, or is he reciprocating all that you give? I'm keeping this one short and sweet. Tell me more, I'll give you more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2016): I see nothing wrong with you having read the letter. So, that is my first point.You saw it. You read it. Done.Now, as for whether he is still in love with her, I am sorry to agree with you. I think he is. He seems to be trying to get her to forgive him. Maybe even give him a second chance. No guy would be lamenting this way, pouring his heart out in a letter, period, let alone 6 whole years after the fact.If you have been together on and off for 6 years, it tells me that you never did have a strong relationship to begin with. And perhaps his feelings for her have kept him from being committed to you all along. I would move on. You have been yo yo-ing with him for 6 years too long.Obviously, you are not meant for each other. I would have a hard time swallowing any of his excuses after reading a letter like that.I would definitely confront him if it were me. I would let him know I did find the letter and I read it. You could never keep something like that from him without it eating away at you and causing resentment towards him. It would definitely come out in your behaviour and attitude. And sooner rather than later, you would definitely need to have it out with him.So, it's your call on whether to pretend all is fine and go on with this quasi relationship or know in your heart it is time to move on. For good this time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2016): Hello
I will answer as I think you have every right to know what's going on in a relationship that you're in.
If I found a letter like that (and yes I'd most definitely read it too)I would assume that he still has feelings for her. If it's been five years and he's still thinking like this about her, then I would be preparing myself to leave. That's me though. How you feel may be different obviously. Did he write this letter and then not send it do you think?
I would ask him why he wrote it and go from there. I really don't think I could handle being with someone who has this in his head about someone else.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 May 2016):
 I am sorry, but I wont answer this question. You had no right to invade his privacy.
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