A
female
age
51-59,
*ell
writes:My boyfriend of 3 years goes and has coffee with his ex wife a couple of times a month to what he says 'catch up'. I dont really like it. He also insists they spend every Christmas dinner together with or without me. He would rather spend it with her than with my family. When we first started going out he had to go and have dinner at her place with her and her boyfriend every 2 weeks, I went a couple of times but stopped going as I felt uncomfortable with it. I didn't think it was normal. I feel he is still attached to her and the life they once shared and cant let go, or she cant let go of him. She was the one that ended the marraige, they have children aged 16, 18 and 21, which only one lives at home. Am I being insecure or jealous. please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): Good advice from the other post - give him an ultimatum. Its not as if she needs to fill him in on the childrens homework etc. I hate to say it but you are right - there is still attachment and he needs it pointing out bluntly. Ask him why he does not just catch up with the children? Put your foot down that he spends this Xmas coming with you or your family otherwise its over. Does she still have this boyfriend? I wonder how he feels about it? Its time for you to stop settling for second best and for him to demonstrate loud and clear that he has to make some choices. If he thinks you are being unreasonable walk away and see what he does.... give him some space. It may be that the split with his wife was a little too easy. I think you are wondering whether he would go running if she clicked her fingers again. Either way it is putting a black cloud over your relationship and that is not acceptable. Good luck and stand your ground. You are not wrong.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): I believe it's pretty normal that you feel the way you do. I know I would. I don't find that attachment of your bf and his ex normal though. Their children are old enough for him to "catch up" with them directly he doesn't need her to do that. It's true their relationship is weird. But if you've allowed it for such a long time I'm not sure if you can do something at this point so he would change but to give him an ultimatum.
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