A
female
age
18-21,
maralynn137
writes:I think I have some serious trust issues.My boyfriend and I have only been together for a month and a half, but we were very very close friends before that. I'm concerned if he is genuine or not. All the signs that he means what he says are there- he looks me in the eye when he tells me how he feels, he isn't shy about telling anyone how he feels about me, he always wants me to communicate when we have a problem, he cries when he hurts me, etc. He's a very family-oriented guy and he isn't involved in anything weird or bad. He's very respectful and we share the same faith.However, he has messed up with me before. He has lied (about very trivial things, but then again, so have I) and we've both been hurt by one another a few times, although it is always an accident. He makes a lot of promises, beautiful, amazingly wonderful promises, and I'm wondering if he can keep them (though so far he has). We are very young and the guys I've known so far have usually been fake.I find myself still having a difficult time trusting him. I can't be sure whether it's my past working against me, insecurities, or a gut feeling that I should listen to. I think I may be afraid to listen to it, if it is.Point being, it seems wayyy too good to be true. All my friends claim, "guys are jerks, don't trust them!" Even my own father was a huge jerk. All the men I know are, besides my boyfriend (hopefully).Is this persisting feeling of "too good to be true" a gut feeling that I should listen to, or am I just being paranoid?
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male
reader, q1605 +, writes (14 July 2008):
 It's understandable. You have more invested and consequently more to lose. Have you give any thought to working something up with a man thats a little older and more mature. Who might be more affluent. If not now, then for sure after he cashes in all the beer cans in his garage. A man that will let you have full control of the clicker for the television. That just screams confidence. A man that will rush to open doors for you. Or will as soon as they put a new battery in his pacemaker. Sorry I almost made it through the week end. Inches from a clean get away
A
female
reader, maralynn137 +, writes (14 July 2008):
maralynn137 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTrue, that is a good point...I didn't start worrying until we got together, but there were never any red flags when we were just friends. I guess I'm just being paranoid.
Thanks for the very helpful answer! =]
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (14 July 2008):
But you DO know what he is like with other girls. Or another girl. When he was with her did you hang out as friends. How did he handle her. Was he was seeing people behind her back or just being an all around ass? You would know it on a level that his then girl friend could never be aware of. I'm betting that if he was inherently a liar or cheat you would not have hooked up with him. My point is by being a friend you saw him like a lot of women don't ever see their men. That is if they are liars and cheats. A person who has nothing to hide doesn't spend a lot of time misrepresenting himself. So if there were few if any red flags before you started getting romantically involved he probably hasn't acquired many negative traits along the way. No matter how thoroughly his ex dicked him around.
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A
female
reader, maralynn137 +, writes (14 July 2008):
maralynn137 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm his first serious girlfriend...
He did like another girl a lot before me. She was totally cruel to him and completely turned on him as a friend. They really dislike one another now...so I have no idea what he's like with other girls. =/
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (14 July 2008):
the most important thing you have going for you, if you are old friends, you should know how he is with other girls. When you hung with him in the past, did he play the girls he dated. if you know this guy like you should you have your answer. Give him your trust. It won't be blind faith. You know how he is. If he does play you then he really doesn't deserve any breaks what so ever.
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A
female
reader, maralynn137 +, writes (14 July 2008):
maralynn137 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTrue, I suppose as long as we're both trying everything is all right...
Thanks for the help =]
Of course there's a lot more to the situation than I could possibly explain online, but, that's the gist of it. So, thank you, you have reassured me =]]]
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A
female
reader, baby duck +, writes (14 July 2008):
 It's understandable why anyone that has been in a failed relationship would have trust issues ... I think it might be one of those things that we all have to deal with.
Everything you said sounds right and good and normal. You are aware of your own weaknesses and cautious about being taken advantage of, yet you are plodding on ahead ... that sounds pretty normal and healthy to me.
The more time you have in a relationship where you are treated kindly, with respect, and loved ... the more practice you will have at trusting. Keep on keepin' on ... I am hopeful for you, which is not to say that this relationship should or will last until death do you part, but that you both are willing to work at it ... and I think that is the only fair goal. No one can be assured that a relationship will last forever because there is just too much that could make it end ... but a relationship with both people trying? Gawd ... that is just inspiring.
More power to you both.
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