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My boyfriend says he loves me but he doesn't act like it

Tagged as: Breaking up, Teenage, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 April 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 14 April 2010)
A female United States age 26-29, *roken1218 writes:

Okay. My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now and he claims he loves me very much.

Up until the last month he has been the greatest boyfriend. He would talk to me everyday and every second and compliment me and tell me how much he loves me, etc. Well, starting about a month ago, things have changed. He has been acting a whole lot different. He doesn't refer to me as baby as much, he says I love you like once day and that's only If I say it first. He also doesn't follow his routines like he used to every morning and every night.

I have met his friend whom is a girl... We will refer to her as sally.... And she has been very nice to me each time. But I began to hear things about one night when I left this party which they were both at, early. Apparently he wouldn't dance with me because he wasn't in the mood. But when I left he danced with her. Well that isn't big but things began to grow. Everytime I'd see him, his hand would say "Sally loves you:)" and stuff like that. I was now ticked off.

Last week, I've heard rumors about him and her hooking up and him dumping me. This would explain the long conversations me and him would have everynight about our relationship. Well, on Friday I happen to run into Sally while at the local movies. My friend called her over but once she saw me she walked away quite swiftly. Now, I was suspicious. All the weird behavior of my boyfriend and of how Sally was also acting and all the rumors. It was starting to come together.

Friday night I started to talk to my boyfriend about it on the phone. He replied "no, that's not true. I would never do something like that to you" and "i just don't know anymore I need time to think". Well Saturday he never called because he was grounded. But he is aloud to use the house phone. Finally at 9:30 at night I call his friend whom happens to be with him. Anyways, Sunday comes along. I get a call. My boyfriend. I pressed answer and began the conversation. It ended in his tears. And mine as well. We were over. But he said he doesn't want to see me Hurt. So much for that.

Well, I hang up and start to cool down and I realize it's going to be okay cause now he will be happier. Then my phone vibrated again. He was calling once more. When I answered it, I heard the sobs of the man I've fallen in love with telling me he needs me, he loves me, he misses me already, and he made the biggest mistake of his life and he will fix everything. We had a long talk after that. It felt good to get everything out.

But now we are back together. It is 2 days since that Sunday. But you know how he said he needs me/wants me/loves me? Well, he doesn't act like it. He still isn't trying to go back to his routines and fix things. He doesn't tell me he loves me a lot still, and he just overall doesn't seem like he cares. I keep talking to him about it but I don't think I'm getting throught to him. And I know I love him. And I know if I broke up with him truly I'd be heartbroken, especially if I see him with another girl especially Sally. What do I do?

View related questions: broke up, heartbroken, I love you, in the mood

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010):

boys will be boys

And rumours are usually made because someone is jealous.

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A female reader, Broken1218 United States +, writes (14 April 2010):

Broken1218 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I forgot to include that he finally admitted to me on Sunday he was talking with Sally and he was going to break up with me for her. Thing is, that's when he broke it off. Then, 10 minutes later he called back asking for me back, crying.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010):

guys are already great at the start of a new relationship then they get comfortable and they feel as if they dont need to make an effort anymore cause your always going to be there!! its so frustrating because the person you fell for becomes someone completely different person :(.. they already make an effort when they think that they are going to lose you,, thats why your boyfriend told you all the things he thought you wanted to hear! but it also shows that he cares for you alot and that deep down he doesnt want to be without you!! its just a pity that he makes an effort when he thinks he is going to lose you! everyone has problems in there relationship and you maybe dont realise it but your problems arent that bad! you just need to put your foot down and take on the same attitude as your boyfriend! then he will wise up when he sees that two people can play his game ;)..

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A female reader, Moo's Mum New Zealand +, writes (14 April 2010):

Moo's Mum agony auntOh doll this is quite a situation. I don't want to advise you one way or the other because I think if this relationship is meant to be it will be. Just remember that there are plenty of fish in the sea and if he is not treating you the way you would like him to then maybe it is time to move on.

I also wanted to tell you about my similar story. I was 15 at the time and in love with a gorgeous blonde hunk and after about 2 years of being together he started acting a bit like your BF is, not calling when he said he would, acting a bit distant and cold around me and then a few months later he broke it off and jumped straight into a relationship with a girl I knew. I was really heartbroken for quite a while and then I meet someone else who treated me like a queen. Some years later we went our seperate ways too and then I met the man I am now married to.

I look back now on those two relationships and realise that they taught me a lot about myself and the kinds of qulaities and values I like in a person which then led me to my husband. He was a person I probably wouldn't have looked twice at if I hadn't had those two previous experiences.

People come into your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime and it's our job to figure out which people in our lives fit into which of those categories. I suspect that your BF may be a season for you.

Lots of love to you doll. Have courage and belief that whatever happens you will be OK because you know what YOU WILL :-)

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