A
female
age
30-35,
*enny2323
writes:Dear Cupid,I need a little advice..my boyfriend broke up with me last night for the second time in a year. The first time was because we fought over summer break and he needed a breather and so did I. We are college students or I am now..anyway, he broke my heart and for the whole summer last year I was extremely depressed and could not get over him. After coming back from summer we decided to give it another go 6 months later. everything was fine and we were so happy. But dwelling in the back of our minds was his permanent move back to his home town 5 hours away. We discussed this and decided we would try and i made him promise he wouldnt give up without trying and he said he would.5 months have passed and he moved back home 3 weeks ago. I am the type who doesnt like to be alone and wants someone around and I knew this relationship was not going to be easy but I loved him with all my heart I was willing to put that aside and work my hardest to make this relationship last.Last night as I lay in his bed by myself I got very sad, yet it was a happy sad because I was reminising (excuse my horrible spelling) and i text him saying i was sad and he replied with something i didnt feel was fit to make me feel better he then replied saying "oh stop please its not gonna help sorry". I said "all u do is make me feel worse". His reply "omg this isnt gonna work you cant be here i cant be there. youre sad and im confused were both stressed i just dont no anymore"All i wanted was for him to make me feel better but only made it worse as he usualy did. I called him and he went on saying he doesnt no anymore because he is stressing about his family, money, not going back to school and having a job that will take away his life. How could he make time for me especially if I might get a 2nd job? i understood this and I knew this would happen i was fine with talking whenever we were available and i was planning on visiting him this summer with the extra cash i was going to get. He kept saying how its too hard, this relationship is too much work. A relationship is work isnt it? you cant be with someone and expect to do nothing, not say i miss u or i love u and just expect it to be just peachy and he believes thats not true. He eventually got around to finally saying he is not fully in the relationhip with me anymore and thinks we should go our seperate ways. After beating around the bush for an hour. I asked him why and when he felt this way he said the weekend he moved back home and the moment i drove away from him he knew he wasnt fully in it anymore because he has done a long distance relationship before. He also said he wasnt up for trying to make it work. I asked him 3 times to tell me if he loved me and to not lie to me and he said yes he does. He is a horrible liar and cannot lie to anyone this is why i believe him.How could he leave someone he loved? because i was the only thing in his life he could get rid of? because he doesnt want to work at it but he says he loves me? it doesnt make sense to me. We both love eachother that should have been enough, if he loved me and cared for me he wouldve stayed and tried. Not say he isnt fully in it anymore because were not near eachother. I put my heart out there for the second time, trusting he wouldnt hurt me because he would have never taken me back if he really didnt want to. He was my best friend and he just left me with a dog we got together that i have to leave and take care of at an apartment he used to live in. How could this be so easy for him when he said it wasnt? He says its not what he wants anymore because he doesnt want to try. He even admitted he didnt want to give up but he forced himself cuz he felt we had no future. He gave us three weeks apart and then gave up, thats not trying thats taking the easy way out. I love him with everything and he said he does to. He broke my heart he says "i no im sorry". How do i get over this for the second time? Its very hard for me to go out and forget all of this because most of my friends are busy and everything reminds me of him. Its hard to forget my best friend and just completely stop talking to him. And to take care of this dog we both bought and raised together. How do I do this? Ive tried the first time we broke up to meet new ppl but it just made me feel worse. Im so hurt and lost I dont want to continue to cry over him for another 6 months as I did before. He just gave up on me even tho he still loves me, how do I get past this? please help me. I love him so much and it is so hard for me to let him go completely. I really imagined us being together for years and we cant even get past 6 months..please help me get over him for good I cant take this anymore. why would he do this to me?I have never loved someone so much and have them completely leave me.
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best friend, broke up, depressed, liar, long distance, money, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (25 April 2010):
 You will survive and your heart will mend back to the original state. Take each day at a time and focus on those things that you wanted to do .
A
female
reader, Jenny2323 +, writes (24 April 2010):
Jenny2323 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello all,
Thank you for the advice although it is still hard since he was my best friend and now we do not talk at all..but one other thing i might mention is earlier in the relationship i was extremely suspicious of this girl he met on myspace and talked to on facebook.
I snooped on his facebook for 2 months and held my tongue on all the things he said to her. When it finally came out I had been snooping he says he knew I was doing it and he was saying those things to make me angry enough to come out and say it myself (note he is the one that brought up my snooping first not me)and he asked me to stop doing it and I can trust him, I completely did. The night we broke up he said he has not talked to this girl on the phone or hung out with her and i said ok, because i believed him and havent looked on his facebook.
Today i looked on it one last time (and it will be the last time ever now after what i saw) and he has been talking to her on facebook and the phone since the end of march. He completely lied to me by 1. not telling me hes been calling her and 2. actually lied to me about calling her. I am extremely angry with him and I am so done over someone who would rather talk to this girl that couldve given a rats ass about him then me who loved him with all my heart and would listen to anything he would say. I dont know if she is the one that ignited the fire under his ass to finally break it off with me or what but if he would rather not try with me and give up with someone he supossedly "loves" then he never loved me I guess. It hurts tremendously to have put my full trust in him and learn this by facebook.
I dont know if i will get over him easier now or if it will be harder, but I believe I am done with his lieing ass now..
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (24 April 2010):
Life is for having fun. Don't be stupid and waste it on some guy.
Don't give that person the rest of you tears or a month or a year of your life when he treats you badly and doesn't mind to make you cry.
Every person deserves some one who makes them smile and laugh at their worst moments. We all deserve at least that.
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A
female
reader, KRSMouse  +, writes (24 April 2010):
Your boyfriend doesn't sound too unlike mine. He is one of those that thinks a relationship should be 'easy' all the time, when the sad reality is that everyone has problems.One of my closest friends, having been with her boyfriend for a year and a half, went off to uni at the other end of the country, further than 5 hours away, much more like 10 or 12. 3 years later, just last month, they broke up for unrelated reasons (they had outgrown each other) but my point is that despite the huge distance they managed to make it work. They would talk on skype every night, and being able to see each other on the screen and hear each others voices, made it almost as though they really were infront of each other. They only really got to see each other when she returned from uni for holiday periods, as he had work commitments at home.My point is that your boyfriend is clearly not a fighter, unlike my friend. This aside, you don't just stop loving someone, and the fact that you broke up before and came back together says a lot in itself. You may find that giving him some breathing space now will give him a chance to realise how much he misses you, and he will crave any kind of relationship that he can have with you. Alternatively, if he doesn't love you so much as you'd hope, the distance may give him time to forget you. Either way, being apart should make this easier for you, as atleast you don't have the pain of a break up where you still have to deal with seeing that person walking around every day.My advice would be to leave him well alone, as he already said, he is confused and he has probably said a lot of things that he doesn't really mean. In the mean time, it is important to try and give yourself things to look forward to. Organise things with your friends, nights out, shopping trips etc. Or is there anything that you have always wanted to do yourself? Now you finally have the time to embrace some of your own ambitions! Try to keep as busy as possible, and remember, what is for you, won't go by you. I know its hard to appreciate now, but you won't get over him by sitting at home alone feeling miserable. You need to get yourself out there!
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