A
female
age
30-35,
*armony.pierce
writes:Hello everyone,It is going to be long but please bear with me!I love my boyfriend and i believe he loves me too.We have been together for almost 3 years now.His best friend is also one of my friends, but he has been acting like a bad friend.It all started with him wanting to talk about his sexual life with me but i wasn't comfortable and he would tease me that i am a prude.Then one day, he started telling me how my boyfriend doesn't treat me the way i should be treated,that he has started taking me for granted and that is how he is,that he knows him very well.He would tell me that i should make him jealous,and do things that can hurt him emotionally,and also that after doing all that i should dump him,that i shouldnt give him the opportunity to dump me.Well,we were going through some difficult times,my boyfriend and I,We were fighting often,it wasn’t very pretty, but nothing that we couldnt resolve.But hearing his best friend telling me those stuff made me wonder, what if he is trying to warn me?But at the same time,i am not somebody who just believes rumors, and i trust my boyfriend before trusting our mutual friend.The good thing is, all those things he was telling me it was over text, so i never deleted them, I kept them. I was still contemplating whether to tell my boyfriend or not. But he kept trying to convince me to hurt my boyfriend that i decided to tell him.I told my boyfriend everything but i also showed him every message he sent me,and my replies, my boyfriend was chocked but very happy because he realized that i was very loyal and that if he was in my place, he would have believed the best friend.After I told him, he confessed something. This summer we had sex for the first time, we have waited because i was a virgin and wanted to be really sure. And i have asked him on several occasions to keep that as a secret between us, not even to tell his best friend, he promised me that he wont, but he confessed that he told his best friend. Now i feel hurt and betrayed, i had his back all along, I didn’t listen to his best friend because i trusted him more. He apologized, he said that he felt bad after telling him, but that he is very happy to know that i am very loyal, that he didn't know women were that loyal. And that he had to tell me the truth. But on my side,i am heart broken, i feel betrayed, I thought we were loyal to each other, but it looks i was the only one with those thoughts.I value Loyalty, Trust, Respect and dignity and right now, it feels like those are lost between us. I want to move past this, but i dont know how too. I feel really really betrayed, and i know people talk about sex, and thats not the big deal, the thing is "he had promised not to say anything", and in the past he had kept his best friend's secret from me , he even did something and I was very upset about it ,but since it was a secret(his best friend’s ) he couldn’t tell me, so he let me be upset and went ahead and did it, but he wasn’t able to keep my secret, and I was able to stand by him when his best friend was backstabbing him??I am so lost right now! Please give me your opinions!
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 September 2012):
 I don't really know why you two having sex needed to be a secret, you two have been together for 3 years so it would seem reasonable that sex might be part of it.
However, I'm sure you had your reasons.
He can't "take it back" as it's already out there and I'm not sure you can stop feeling betrayed over it, so I would suggest you two sit own and make some rules for what is OK in your relationship and what is not.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2012): It was a sign of weakness on your boyfriends part but to give him his due, he did confess and apologize. And you know how manipulative his friend is! He probably dripped the right words into your boyfriends ear and prized the information out of him.
If you can find it in your heart to forgive your boyfriend, I think it will make you stronger as a couple. I would think very carefully about keeping this friend in your lives. He sounds like a troublemaker.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2012): I think you betrayed the friend, he was telling you stuff maybe because he'd heard some stuff and you tell your boyfriend and show him the messages.. You're a little immature.
The whole boyfriend thing, I can understand you being upset but it's really not that big of a deal..
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