A
female
age
30-35,
*reath_in
writes:Its funny how long you can stare at a page and still have difficulty finding the right words to express everything you could possibly be feeling at the moment... i mean realistically no one can ever truly feel how you feel about anything. i mean i can try and paint you a picture but its not the same . if you would have talked me a couple of months ago i might have been more of a general happy person but i guess somewhere in between i lost it crying about it isn't going to help things i know, which is why i stopped, .. grieving about it is also not going to fix anything and make it unbroken or at least feel that way so i'm trying god honest i'm trying to help myself i'm not letting it get the best of me but it feels like its winning .i'm 19 and i have quite a history with bad romance but right now thats the least of my worries because its not really about love . My boyfriend who I've been engaged to for a few months now have been good we've worked on our issues and we were better then ever hes in the military still and hes on break for 30 days i spent 2 weeks with him and hes leaving soon. so in these weeks of bliss we decided why not try and have a baby. i know its crazy but we didn't care so we did. one day i was beginning to feeling sick and super emotional he told me that he thought i was pregnant Imagine my excitement. He was happy and kept saying how he was going to be a dad and he made sure i had vitamins and a lot of water .then i started getting pain at 1st minor then... it got worse... thinking it was a baby i took a test and it came out negative and the pain got unbearable so i had to go to the hospital and thats when they told me that i had two cyst in my ovaries and that they were growing and that it was causing me pain and a late period and the same symptoms you'd expect from getting pregnant. i cried because this wasn't the 1st issue i had with cyst last time it just one and i had internal bleeding because of it .i thought i was done but i wasn't he told me that conceiving might take awhile but that i needed to talk to a specialist because they were recurring. they also said i had a obvious hormonal imbalance it broke my heart because having kids is something i really want and he just told me that it might not happen . and its not fair because here you hear girls wishing they weren't issues where condoms are used and still they get pregnant and here i am doing everything your not suppose to and i can't i feel broken and like my bf deserves so much more. lucky he helped me and said that he'd never leave and that the reason he gave me a ring is because he meant what he said and that theres no doubt in his mind he still thinks i'am the one.so i tried to pick myself up for him . but now he's going under depression its happened before but its getting worse because he doesn't want to talk to me and he shuts me out when i try to help . he said he feels the whole world closing on him and i'm blaming myself cause i'm not in the best place to help him either cause i'm dealing with still being sick. i know its common for some soldiers to go through this and i got him to see a therapist while he was here and it helped a lot but now he can't afford to see him and hes leaving soon and i can't force him to go from a far.his depression is making me sad and at times i get so mad i shut down too because he won't react. his voice is low and his parents can't seem to help him either he says he has no one and i keep trying to tell him its not true but he yells and says its true and i cry cause i can't hold him . i pray to god in tears i try and try to do w.e i can but its getting harder for me because i can feel it affecting me now . please someone tell me what to do i can't stand this feeling of hopelessness, tell me what i can do to help him even though i'm far away from him right now. i'm losing my sanity.
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female
reader, breath_in +, writes (10 February 2011):
breath_in is verified as being by the original poster of the question I want to thank you from the bottom my heart really thank you . After reading what you put i stopped crying and i realized this is a'lot bigger then me and maybe i should step back a little and let him try it out on his own .i was worried his thinking might make it worse but in the end it helped him come back to me calmer and full of hope and faith .I've also taken steps to help myself try and get better the doctors say theres hope that all will be well again and so for now i have faith things will get better . i just wish i wasn't alone , without him i mean .He's leaving today in a few hours and he told me that where he might be going i might go without speaking to him for a while . i'm scared but thats the army for you i guess . i don't know when i'll see him again or how long i'll go without talking to him ,but until he gets back i'll be waiting and i'll be better emotional and physically so i can give him more reasons to smile .
thank you for your advice it helped a'lot .
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 He has tried seeing a therapist and that did not seem to help, even his parents cannot help him. This is something he has to go through by himself. He can still seek help, he will talk if he feels he needs to but I think he will find that this is something only he can deal with. It may take some time, a few months, a few years even but eventually he will recover.
As for you, try and do things you enjoy, make yourself happy and smile again. Don't cry, he still loves you, he still cares about you deeply. When he yells, it is out of anger but he is not angry at you, he just needs to yell. Being sent off, having found out you have cysts after having your hopes raised, it might be too much for some, a lot of people, because you two actually wanted a baby and you were excited when you thought it was going to happen. It is a terrible thing to lose hope and I know that you might feel it is impossible to find it again but, it isn't. You feel it is winning but the truth is, there is nothing there. There never was. You are the only ones fighting and it is getting you down. You have to try and stay positive. You still have your boyfriend who I think, still feels a lot for you.
The next time you contact him, tell him you still love him, the rest is up to him. You have to take care of yourself first, make sure your health has been restored and be happy so the next time he hears you or he speaks to you, he has a spark of light to guide him through his troubles. I know it is hard because you are still feel sick, physically and emotionally, everything just feels broken but you have to try, you cannot let illness get the better of you, especially when you are feeling this sorrowful. Force positivity if you have to, no matter what you have to try and fight through this with all the willpower you can muster. Everything will be alright.
I hope that helps.
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