A
female
age
30-35,
*liz
writes:My boyfriend and I have recently started having sex without a condom. I'm on birth control and have been for a while. Sometimes we still use a condom as well. Sometimes while we're going at it without a condom, he can pull out and "let" loose in a towel or something, but other times, he gets all irritated and says he's good without finishing off. I know he wants to, but (I asked him if he's afraid of the pull-out method) he says he's scared I'm gonna get pregnant (he says this in a rude voice and acts like it's stupid I even asked).We've talked about what we would do if I did end up getting pregnant, we both agree on it. On the times he gets irritated, he acts like it's my fault and gets mad and annoyed with me afterward. I offer to finish him off myself, but he even refuses that, saying he's fine.My boyfriend is someone who is prone to getting angry easily, so I don't try to push topics he's sensitive about. What can I say to spark a conversation about this, to get him to be more open with me, and without sparking his anger? Again, sometimes he has no problem pulling out, other times he gets mad and doesn't finish. I am so confused, but he doesn't like to be open with me about sexual things. Also, is this common, or not so much?Please help, advice is very much appreciated!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): I agree, this seems like someone who has some other issues going on that are just coming to the surface. I think he needs to get a handle on his anger issues first. My fear, and I think it is yours too, is that his anger will turn to violence. This may be a sign that you should get out.
A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (3 March 2010):
 He sounds like a baby. I'm inclined to think his little anger problem is part of an existing controlling behavioural trait he has, because as you illustrated, he gets angry and blames you and acts like it's your fault, so you then think it's your fault. But the reality is, it's HIS ANXIETY that is causing problems, not you or your birth control methods. HE is the one that needs to sort out his problems.
He can't finish inside of you because he's afraid you'll get pregnant. That is common fear amongst people, but if you are on birth control pills or have the jab or something, it is very unlikely he will impregnate you. Hence why he needs to deal with his anxiety and anger over it, and he needs to stop blaming you.
You need to be truthful to him about it, but there isn't any sure way to make sure he won't get angry. He just needs to deal with it. I would advise to talk to him about it and tell him, not in an angry way, that it isn't your fault and that it's unfair for him to get angry every time you have sex just because of his anxieties. He needs help.
Normally, he would not need to pull out if you are on birth control. His way of thinking is clearly irrational.
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