A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year and we got engaged when we were together 7 months. Everything was fine at first, we had fun and we did lots of things together. We also got on well with each others families. About 2 months after we started going out my job suddenly became an issue. My work colleagues are mostly men and he would get jealous about this and often hinted that I should look for another job. He always asked what my colleagues were doing and did they know that I was in a relationship with him. Throughout the relationship he calls me between 10 - 15 times a day and if i dont answer he wants to know why. My job is busy so i explained to him on many occasions that i cant always answer the phone but that I call him back when I can which is what I do. He always commented on my make up, and always asked me had I put on something different on that I shouldnt need to wear eyeshadow to work as it is only work. He also caused a fuss about my wearing nail varnish and perfume to work.He also always asks me questions about my past relationships which arent relevant. He wants to see me every day and I feel that I never have any time to myself. Recently he has been slagging off members of my family to me and commenting on my relationships with my family. Im never allowed to do anything on my own, he always wants to be with me and i can never call my friends. Whenever we have an arguement he always buys me presents to try and make up for it. When we go out I feel like I have to be careful where I look as on several occasions he has accused me of looking at men. I have discussed with him his jealousy and how it makes me feel. He started to go to counselling and then stopped. Of all the sessions he went to nothing has changed. We had an argument a few weeks ago because he called members of my family some despicable names that were uncalled for. I stopped talking to him and havent answered his calls or texts since. I feel that the relationship is not going anywhere and I have decided that I don't want to be with him but I don't want to speak to him because I know he will try to twist everything. How should I tell him it is over? should I write a letter or text him?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, BigRuss +, writes (14 October 2010):
You have definately made the right choice.
Sending the letter is the perfect starting point, send it registered mail so that you know he has recieved it.
As for the harrassment that may come and I'm sorry to say it quite probably will, you need to do the following things.
1. keep all of texts that he sends you or you send him (obviously don't reply but.. you never know)
2. If your phone can do incall recording, set it up, just incase he phones you from an unlisted number.
3. Keep a diary of everything that happens, fill it in on the day. this is very important.
4. if there is one incident after he has recieved the letter that is in any way abusive or is of a constant nature that you feel harrassed, go to your local police station and make a complaint, they will book you an appointment to see someone within 48 hours to take your statement.
If you do not want to go to the police, you can simply get an injunction againt him, a local solicitor will provide that service, but it ideally needs to be on the day it happens. and you have to pay for it.
... I've had this problem with my ex wife for the last 18 months. My personal advice, go to the police, don't bother messing around in the courts.
Stay strong, keep your head and realise that he is an insecure, small and insignificant .... learning experience that you will never have again ;)
take it easy bab
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (13 October 2010):
 Well done you for standing up for yourself as this relationship can go no where that is good! Yep I'd write a letter and ask him in plain clear terms not to contact you anymore and that the relationship is over. Be prepared for harrassement from him and be sure to have family and friends ready to help protect you of necessary. Good luck doll you have made the right decision!
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