A
female
age
30-35,
*oainiiloveyew
writes:Well, my boyfriend is in jail now. He has been in there for almost 7 months. His sister called the cops and told them that he raped her ever since she was 8 and he was 10. Of course, i didnt believe her, but he is in jail, but then again, all the "evidence" they have are her WORDS. well... he told me that he USED to touch her and that was all and in April we were having our fight so his young boy instincts came back and he actually had sexual intercourse with her (one time in and he ran out of the room). i know a lot of people will think i am stupid for actually staying with him but i really believe that he will change not only for me but for himself. He really regrets all this. I asked him a question i have been dying to ask all along..."do you love her more than a sister?" and he answered "no" and that he is so sorry and he is too afraid to tell her. well, he has been talking about us moving together and getting married after and the sensitive side of him came out (the one i NEVER saw) and he tells that he never wants to lose me like he lost his first love. i dont know...i have been holding this inside too long. i really do love him. can you tell me if i am stupid and reasons please...i am sad...but i do love him and want to be with him, he deserves another chance right?!?! life is too short...thanks!!
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female
reader, pixeydust +, writes (29 April 2008):
 GET OUT! I was with my now ex and he was abusive to his mother and he was abusive to me. He hit me kicked me and choked me. He kept me up late at night and wanted to have sex with me and wouldn't let me go to sleep until he got what he wanted. I had to have my sleep because I have seizures so I'd always end up giving in to get him to shut up and let me go to sleep. I was scared of leaving and he always said that I'd lose the kids, so I was scared of that as well. He'd told me that no one would ever love me again and I believed him. I am not saying that your boyfriend would do this, but with this type of past this is the road that you are looking at. I say get out now while you can, you DO NOT want to be where I was....take my word on it!
A
female
reader, evilbunniifoofoo +, writes (18 January 2008):
 How do you in a rage rape someone? Don't your underwares have to be off first? I mean I don't think it's possible unless they were both fighting without pants
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): I would like to comment on your last post, I think you are missing a few important things here....you say the sister confessed he only touched her and not raped her when they were children? Firstly, she may have changed her story out of guilt and remorse for her brother being incarcerated, secondly, if he touched her in an inappropriate way that is still sexual molestation....You spoke of asking him if he loved his sister as more than a sister? What an odd question....rape and sexual molestation don't have anything at all to do with love or sex, it is about the man's rage against something and his desire to control and abuse a helpless even trusting woman and often he is lazy and will take the closest person to him as a victim instead of working hard to find a stranger.
Also, the fact that he is embarassed and crys in front of the therapist does not mean that he is sorry for what he did and desires to change....He is humiliated and sad that he finally got caught with some consequences for his bad behavior, that is all....he has a lot of work to do, he may not get better, and what on earth are you sticking around for? You sound pretty co-dependent to me to stick around when someone reacts to having a fight with you by raping his sister....what are you going to do when he picks up a bottle and swings it at your head or forces you to have sex violently against your will?
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (14 December 2007):
 Hey - thanks for the update. The first poster hello1 who wanted him locked up forever will have a surprise, she has sent me abusive mail today. So sad. Hope things will start to get better for you and your boyfrnd.
Take care
Richard
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007): Ask yourself this, if you have kids with this guy, will you trust him to be alone with them? Especially a daughter? You are messed up if you stay with him. There are millions of men out there who aren't mentally screwed up enough to touch or rape their sisters. And mental disorders usually show in boyhood, so I am not surprised that it started when he was young. You need to get away and fast. This is in no way shape or form regular boy behavior. It is the behavior of a very sick person..regardless of how "sorry" he is.
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A
female
reader, woainiiloveyew +, writes (14 December 2007):
woainiiloveyew is verified as being by the original poster of the questionoh i forgot to mention that his sister finally confessed that he only touched her and never raped her when she actually told the cops he raped her over TWENTY times. he is also VERY embarrassed and cries when he talks to the psychologist. thank you so so so much for answering...i know i am stupid but the thing is that i do believe people can change as long as they choose to. thanks once again!! :) you made my morning!! thanks!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007): I have to disagree strongly with Richard as you say your boyfriend had intercourse no matter how brief with his sister just last april, he is not a minor now.
This behavior is not indicitive of a healthy male mind, perhaps he is from a very dysfunctional family and is screwed up emotionally, perhaps he suffers from a mental illness of sorts, and I don't think that society's rules about engaging in sex with siblings is what keeps normal boys from having sex with their sisters! It is psychologically typical for boys to have sort of a sexual repulsion for their own sisters and this mental block keeps them away and on "THE RIGHT TRACK".
It really doesn't matter what the reasons are why this went on with him and his sister, he himself may have been sexually abused as a child, I don't know. For any reason you are really asking for trouble staying with this man, he is ill mentally, he has emotional issues, and almost all male rapists and child predators that are locked up will tell you that they have an overwhelming urget to do what they do, it is something they have great difficulty controlling, there is even one study that suggests these men are overloaded with the male hormone testosterone that drives their sexual acting out.
Run, do not walk away from this man. No one, especially a guy with these kinds of issues will change for any one else out of love or with time. He has to want to change and he is going to need a lot of counseling to change this behavior that has been going on apparantly since he was 10 years old. What is the child becomes the man, it is too late to make this man over.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007): Hmmm.....something just doesn't sound 'kosher' here to me.
Maybe I misread your posting.
The United States, will not 'hold accountable' a man for 'juvenile incest'! If they were indeed, the ages of 8 and 10 years old and more than 5 years have passed since this occurred...then he will not be held accountable and be placed in jail. I'm sorry...I know this as to be a fact!
It would be considered as like 'playing doctor', unless there was such violence to warrant differently, which there wasn't in this case.
Now if I read correctly....you said that back in April, you and 'he' had an argument and in a rage he went to his sister...stuck it in her once and then ran out of the room?
Maybe I misread that and if I did..then I humbly apologize,
but if I didn't....then I must assume that he is between the ages of 14 and 17 and then, can be....and should be held accountable for rape!
Now, the question is....does he deserve another chance? I must say this....every person deserves a second chance....
depending upon the circumstances. A repeat 'rapist'...does not deserve your love, nor does he deserve to be around your female relatives. It is bound to happen again. I know several rapist, whom have been incarcerated for over 10 years at a time and once released....have re-offended. I have a cousin who had been accused of rape. I came to his aid and defense, only to find out that he not only had truly raped this female, but had also raped several more who were afraid to come forward, because of his violent nature. Good luck to you Ms.Lady
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (14 December 2007):
 For someone that was sexually abused by someone that I trusted 100%, I could never forgive or forget him for doing that to me!
I am sorry to say that I think you are crazy for staying with him, simply because if he did it one time in a rage, to his own sister, who's to say he wont get in a rage one more time and it happens again. Perhaps to someone that you love, like your sister or your niece? You will always live with the question, is he going to do it again! And the answer is, "he will always have the propencity to do it again", he may not or he may, but you will never know until it is too late.
You may love this person, but you will always have this nagging question in your head. Its all about what ifs? What if he gets angry again? Will he hurt someone else? Will he hurt me? Will he walk away? Too many questions! No definitive answers.
You have the ability to start a life somewhere else for you. And trust me, you will get over him!
I'm sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear, but I thought being honest is far better than trying to butter you up and tell you what you want to hear rather than what you need to hear!
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A
female
reader, maggie1987 +, writes (14 December 2007):
 no he doesnt deserve anything how can you live with the guilt of something your boyfreind done ( especially to his little sister that is his blood ) what if one day you two have children would you be able to live with yourself if he done that to his own kids. take a long hard think and see how u feel but u should take into account that it was his sister a family member if he can do that to her then he surely could do it to someone else. you dont want to put kids through that , maybe he has changed but still be safe you cant tell wether someone really has changed or not
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (14 December 2007):
Hi. Are you stupid for staying with him? YES and NO is my answer.
For boys, when the sexual awakening occurs, it can produce a very powerful drive. That is nature's way of sending a young male out in search of a 'mate' to continue the species. Unfortunately it goes a little wrong sometimes. If the awakening occurs early, the boy is not yet mobile or able to go in search of a 'mate' and so he looks no further than his own sister or neighbour.
The term rape has impications of force and violence, but it might not have actually been like that. I'm not saying it was or wasn't in your b/f case. Rape can be deemed to have occurred in a legal sense, because a minor is considered to be unable to give consent, therefore it's rape. Sorry, I'm doing a bad job of explaining this today (too much on my mind I think, and not enough sleep).
Regarding your question, does he love her more than a sister. He's probably telling the truth. The simple fact is he had the overwhelming sexual urges that drive a male to procreate, and he did, whether she said no or not. The rules of society are that we don't have sex with brothers and sisters, that we don't have sex below a certain age, and that we don't force sex on anyone. The law is there as a deterrent; and punishment is there to modify behaviour.
I guess many are going to disagree with me now, but I would say his crime has to be seen in context. A crime that occurred at a certain age, in a certain situation, and against a background of having done it beore, when he was a minor (at least I think thats what you're saying). Will the punishment change him? Only time will tell?
There are some that will no doubt tell you to run. To find somebody else. And then I guess what happens then is that he will find someone else, and lie about his past. Or go through a succession of girlfnds, gradually learning to conceal more and more. Keeping it all a secret. That might be worse. Might better having someone who knows what he did, and can help him work out how he modifies his behaviour and controls his urges. Can talk through it openly, without it being a stigma.
See what the others advise you. If you really love him and you think he will be a good boy in future, stay with him. I don't think he "deserves" a second chance. But I do think he should have a chance to get back on the right track, having fallen off it.
Good luck
Richard
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (14 December 2007):
 Yes you are stupid, very stupid. He's a very sick man who needs to be locked up forever, what an horrible disgusting excuse of a man.
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