A
female
age
30-35,
scaredandconfused
writes:My boyfriend and I dated for 10 months and we broke up. After a couple of months, we started seeing each other and reconnecting. Things are so much better now for us however during the break-up period he got someone else pregnant. He says he cares for me immensely and thinks our relationshiup is worth working out. He said it would be my decision whether I want to stay with him or not knowing he is having a baby with someone else. He said he will accept anything I decide. I too think we are worth it and am so in love with him. He thinks that he and I can still have a life together. He wants me to be patient and put up with him a little longer as this whole situation gets sorted out. He said he doesn't love her and he spends most of his time with me.I know that he is a wonderful person and has always been good to me. He is the one I want to spend my life with and form a family. I just don't know what to do. My heart is broken and I am so hurt. I really need some advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): i am going through the same thing. my boyfriend got someone pregnant just 3 weeks before we met. after dating for 2-3 months, she came to him with this news. we fell in love during those 2-3 months and now i'm heart broken too. it's not fair to write him off but it's not fair to me either. i wish i could offer a solution but i am still waiting to see if he knows how to balance it out and prove to me that love can florish in this situation. just keep your head up and i'm sure he's trying hard to make you feel comfortable. i hope he can maintain a good relationship with babymama so she will allow him to babysit on his own. that way you'll have a chance to feel more involved in this part of his life and in turn, feel more important. really it's a strange sort of jealousy and a lil embarassing and immature but it's a valid feeling. so don't feel guilty. i just hope a lot of communication and trust can alleviate the hurt... i sure hope so for myself.
A
female
reader, scaredandconfused +, writes (21 April 2008):
scaredandconfused is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell so far my boyfriend and I are still together and trying to work through this situation. He is now committed to me and wants to marry me and buy a house and spends all of his time with me. He still plans to be there for his child which I think is great. I'll admit that this is hard and we do have our moments but it always ends up with us wanting to be with each other. It may not be the ideal situation but it is not an impossible one. This can only work if we both want it and so far it looks like we do. Thank you all for the great advice. I would like to hear from anyone who is going through this or has gone through this or knows of anyone who has been in a similar situation. Thank you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): This is a sad but very frequent thing. You two were both split up, and they should of used some protection, now a baby is on the way. Poor child. I really feel for you as you love this guy and now he is about to be a dad with someone else when really it should be you. I dont know what to suggest. If you stay with him then you must realise that he has a duty to be a dad to the child and that will mean seeing the childs mother.
I would have to go i am afraid, I just couldnt stand the hassle that all of this would bring. But that decision is yours and you have to make it without anyone getting inside of your head.
If you love him then maybe in the future you can have enough love for him, his child and hopefully yourself and your children. But life with be tough and nobody would blame you if you turned your back on the whole messy situation and met someone else.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, brooke5426  +, writes (29 March 2008):
 i can understand why you are heartbroken. i was heartbroken when my ex started seeing someone else during a month long break from me. god s what i'd feel if he'd gotten her pregnant.
i think you need to take a lot of time and think everything through. its gonna be hard and its gonna hurt but only you know if you can forgive it. you have to weigh up the good of being with him versus how it'll feel to see him hold their baby or how much he will love another womans child.
he sounds like a good man. hes not abandoning her even though he doesnt love her and shes jeopardising his relationship with you.
but you dont need to figure it right this second, play it by ear. you'd be surprised how much your heart will go through for the right man.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 March 2008):
 Your b/f is tainted goods.
He made someone pregnant and did not owned up to it and that is callous.
This attitude is wrong and what makes you think that he may not do the same to you?
He could have used the same tactics that he used on her unto you.
Even if he did not , that problem will bug you all your life.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (29 March 2008):
 Is there more to this story? You say he spends most of his time with you, are you saying the rest is spent with her? Why are you heartbroken if he got her pregnant when the two of you were broken up?
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