A
female
age
41-50,
*caredandconfused
writes:My boyfriend and I dated for 10 months and we broke up. After a couple of months, we started seeing each other and reconnecting. Things are so much better now for us however during the break-up period he got someone else pregnant. He says he cares for me immensely and thinks our relationshiup is worth working out. He said it would be my decision whether I want to stay with him or not knowing he is having a baby with someone else. He said he will accept anything I decide. I too think we are worth it and am so in love with him. He thinks that he and I can still have a life together. He wants me to be patient and put up with him a little longer as this whole situation gets sorted out. He said he doesn't love her and he spends most of his time with me.I know that he is a wonderful person and has always been good to me. He is the one I want to spend my life with and form a family. I just don't know what to do. My heart is broken and I am so hurt. I really need some advice.
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female
reader, shaegirl15506 +, writes (18 September 2010):
 i think that what has kept us strong is that even though she threatened him that he would never be a part of his little girls life if he even lets me see an ultrasound and his response was getting a lawyer and keeping me involved anyways. i have copies of all the ultrasounds and a taping of the first recording of her heart beat. she was born two days ago and she is beautiful. i have pictures of her in the hospital. she's my angel as well as she is theirs. i'm just trying to sit back and wait to see what happens. i hope everything goes okay for you. let me knows how things go.
A
female
reader, shaegirl15506 +, writes (18 September 2010):
i'm going through about the same thing. i'm trying to work through it too and he claims there is no love between them too. my worst fear is that when the baby is born she is going to convince him to be with her for the sake of the baby. but the way i'm seeing things is if that doesn't happen and we stay strong we can make it through anything. so just hold on. it can only go two ways.and i know if that does happen i will be tore up but my relationship is worth it. i think that's what you have to decide. if you'd rather to end it before you possibly get hurt or if it's worth possibly getting hurt over.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): hi there , i have experencied the same thing , my ex cheated on me during a 6yr relationship and was dealing with a gurl for 9yrs. I really think he like/loves her because im always finding out things about them two. the first time i spoke with her she told me they were just friends , he stated the same thing , then yrs later he cheated on me with her several times, later on in our 5th yr relationship , the same gurl stated that she was 4months pregnant. I beleived her because i always heard things about them two. I asked him and left him , he cried and begged for forgivness. I was sooooooooooo hurt , but i stayed . I left 6months after the baby was born , i lefft because of the beytrayal and because i was so hurt. he wants me back so much til he commited a crime in the process. i just couldnt take it any longer so to all women , dont taken them back because if they love you , the they wouldnt have a baby on you , on to the next, its always someone out there that will treat you right
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female
reader, dulcebuena +, writes (28 August 2010):
I am so so sorry this happened to you. I was married to someone for 8 years who did not want to have children. He moved out for awhile but supposedly was not cheating on me. Well, his baby mama has a 6th grade education, illegal and does not speak English. Oh... and she got pregnant on purpose because she thought he would marry her. This stupid guy was the love of my life and I invested so much time to help him build his life. He would do "anything" to come back. Baby mama has the baby that was meant for me. Now that I am 40 and am in the middle of working on my doctorate, having a baby with this jerk is out of the question. I calculated that his sexcapade cost him over a million dollars over his lifetime. I sure hope she had some talent for that kind of cash. He sees the baby one or two hours every other week and pays her $60 per week. My ex is still good looking and may even have learned his lesson but I will never take him back. There is NO WAY that baby mama is ever going to get a penny from me. With my luck, I would get hit by a car and 20% of the inheritance would go straight to the home wrecker. Quite frankly, I would not want him to get the other 80% either. If he wants to come over to my house to do manual labor with his shirt off, it is a free country. But as far as building a life together, no way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): My boyfriend and i attended the same highschool and for four years he asked me out but i always said no he would go out with other people but always would return to me and we would tlk nd flirt however, i never wanted the commitment, his gf hated me so we stopped talking altogether for more than a year, we started talking again and eventualy startes seeing eachother, after 3 months of tht we finally made it official, one month later his ex gf told him shes having his kid, im not sure what to do ... he said hes wanted me for five years now and really wants it to work. im 18 hes 19 and shes 25 im not sure im ready for this
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female
reader, lordzchild +, writes (7 August 2010):
I dont really have an answer for you, more of a question. I know you posted your question a littlw while ago. However, I just found out yesterday that my boyfriend of four years had a baby with another girl last month. Not only does it hurt but I feel like he betrayed me. I watch maury and shows of that sort frequently but I never could fathom something like this would happen to me. Like your boyfriend said to you, he says to me that he loves me and doesnt want to be with her but he will do whatever he will have to for his child. I dont knock him for that becuz he should do whatever he has for that little girl. He told me its up to me if I want to make it work becuz without trust theres no relationship. I mean this is a 4 year long relationship so i cant just throw it away. The last year tho went spent apart becuz i relocated to go to school. BAsically I wanted to know if u stayed with him and how its workin out for u. Thanks
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female
reader, angelintears +, writes (18 August 2009):
Hi I am 24 years old I am going through the same situation. I lived with my boyfriend for 1 year and he moved 3 hours away because of a job promotion. I did not move with him because I was scare of change however we stayed together and he would visit me all the time. He broke up with me 3 months after and we were on a break we weren't suppose to see other people a month after he called me and said he missed me but still did not get back with me a week or two after he came to visit me told me he loves me and that things would be ok. I was happy but things were not ok. I went to visit him a few weeks later and he told me he met someone else. Eventually we talked again and he confessed he had slept with someone else and gotten her pregnant but he loved me.I was/am devastated...I just wanted to be with him. He asked me to take him back and I did we were together for about two months and he left me. I recently went to visit him I wanted to see him it had been about 6 months since the last time I saw him. He now has his baby girl and lives with the baby's mom.I just can't get over this and this whole situation makes me angry and sad I need some type of relieve I am very regretful what hurts is what I feel we could of and should have been that baby was suppose to be our baby. He lives the life we should of have...I don't know how to go on any support would be great from people that have gone through this my ex never loved me or he would not have left me so many times
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A
female
reader, BeckiH  +, writes (18 April 2009):
Hi thereI'm also going through the same situation. My boyfriend and I have been together now for 7 1/2 years (I am 30 and my boyfriend 32) but had a break last April for around 5 months, during that time we both saw other people. We got back together around October last year and things were great, I took a holiday on my own in January this year and we missed each other greatly and realised how much we meant to each other. However on the day I returned my boyfriend gave me the terrible news that the day prior he had a phone call from the girl he was seeing for a few months during our break to tell him she was 3 months pregnant and keeping it. I was completely devostated and inconsolable and although we are still together now I'm finding it very hard.Luckily the woman (although I have not met her yet) seems to be very flexible, says she will allow my boyfriend to see the child as much or as little as he wants, doesn't want any money from him, has even offered that we can both stay over in her spare room during the first few months if we need/want to. My boyfriend has quite clearly stated to me he has no interest in the woman but definitely wants to play a big part in his child's life, I completely respect this and wouldn't expect him to be any other way but I don't want this woman to become part of our life as well. I have said I don't feel comfortable staying over and watching them play 'happy families' together nor do I want her contacting him for anything other than to do with the child, I think this is reasonable but my boyfriend is adament he wants to be friends with the woman and for everything to be as amicable as possible. Of course I want things to be amicable but I don't want her to be part of his life other than for the child's sake i.e. I don't want her visiting his parents and spending time with them, for them to spend time together with the child other than in the newborn stage where obviously that won't be possible. Am I being unreasonable? Please help me decide what to do? The baby is due at the end of June and although I know it will be had I have to stay until then as if I leave now I'll never know if I could have made it work but I really dont have much faith. It will be very hard watching him love another woman's child especially when we have no children ourselves, he has said he wants to marry me but I now feel this is more out of pitty and because he feels he owes it to me rather than as he actually wants to. I love him very much and had this not happened I know we would have been together forever that's what makes this so sad, I feel that decision has been taken away from me and that if I want to stay with him I now have to put up with this woman being in his life forever and to come 2nd to their child.
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A
female
reader, annu9 +, writes (12 March 2009):
Hi. I just thought I'd let you know that you really aren't alone with this one. There are so many people going through a similar situation. In fact I am myself.My boyfriend of 3 years went to Australia for a year and we agreed to leave things whilst he was away, not wanting to commit incase things changed whilst he was away. We both slept with different partners and this was all discussed between us. However in the last month he was there he got a girl pregnant and their baby is due in May this year.It's really hard because I know he wants to stand by the baby as well as by me. We were straight back together when he came back and have been living happily together again for the last 5 months. He will have to go visit the child, and because it is so far away he is going to be gone for around 2 months. This is heartbreaking for me as I will have no control and my head is going to drive me crazy.But my advice is simple. If you love someone then there are certain things you have to forgive them. I have never considered leaving him over this. I know we can work through it. I am sure you know deep down if it's worth the heartache. If you love someone you have to stand by them. Simples.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): i am going through the same thing. my boyfriend got someone pregnant just 3 weeks before we met. after dating for 2-3 months, she came to him with this news. we fell in love during those 2-3 months and now i'm heart broken too. it's not fair to write him off but it's not fair to me either. i wish i could offer a solution but i am still waiting to see if he knows how to balance it out and prove to me that love can florish in this situation. just keep your head up and i'm sure he's trying hard to make you feel comfortable. i hope he can maintain a good relationship with babymama so she will allow him to babysit on his own. that way you'll have a chance to feel more involved in this part of his life and in turn, feel more important. really it's a strange sort of jealousy and a lil embarassing and immature but it's a valid feeling. so don't feel guilty. i just hope a lot of communication and trust can alleviate the hurt... i sure hope so for myself.
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A
female
reader, scaredandconfused +, writes (21 April 2008):
scaredandconfused is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell so far my boyfriend and I are still together and trying to work through this situation. He is now committed to me and wants to marry me and buy a house and spends all of his time with me. He still plans to be there for his child which I think is great. I'll admit that this is hard and we do have our moments but it always ends up with us wanting to be with each other. It may not be the ideal situation but it is not an impossible one. This can only work if we both want it and so far it looks like we do. Thank you all for the great advice. I would like to hear from anyone who is going through this or has gone through this or knows of anyone who has been in a similar situation. Thank you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): This is a sad but very frequent thing. You two were both split up, and they should of used some protection, now a baby is on the way. Poor child. I really feel for you as you love this guy and now he is about to be a dad with someone else when really it should be you. I dont know what to suggest. If you stay with him then you must realise that he has a duty to be a dad to the child and that will mean seeing the childs mother.
I would have to go i am afraid, I just couldnt stand the hassle that all of this would bring. But that decision is yours and you have to make it without anyone getting inside of your head.
If you love him then maybe in the future you can have enough love for him, his child and hopefully yourself and your children. But life with be tough and nobody would blame you if you turned your back on the whole messy situation and met someone else.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (29 March 2008):
 i can understand why you are heartbroken. i was heartbroken when my ex started seeing someone else during a month long break from me. god s what i'd feel if he'd gotten her pregnant.
i think you need to take a lot of time and think everything through. its gonna be hard and its gonna hurt but only you know if you can forgive it. you have to weigh up the good of being with him versus how it'll feel to see him hold their baby or how much he will love another womans child.
he sounds like a good man. hes not abandoning her even though he doesnt love her and shes jeopardising his relationship with you.
but you dont need to figure it right this second, play it by ear. you'd be surprised how much your heart will go through for the right man.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 March 2008):
 Your b/f is tainted goods.
He made someone pregnant and did not owned up to it and that is callous.
This attitude is wrong and what makes you think that he may not do the same to you?
He could have used the same tactics that he used on her unto you.
Even if he did not , that problem will bug you all your life.
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