A
female
age
30-35,
*londy
writes:My boyfriend hates my family and I need some advice on how I can get him to lighten up and be nicer to them. My boyfriend was raised in an extremely wealthy family and also has the perfect body. My family is not super rich and my sister and my mom are both overweight. These are the reasons he hates them. He doesn't like to see them, but sometimes he will come with me because I ask him to but he is always really mean and says awful things to them. Whenever we go to dinner with them he will say mean things about how much they are eating (which really isn't a lot) or just give them disgusted looks and not even acknowledge their existence. My family doesn't like him because they think he is mean and a snob, but to me he is the nicest person. He is always so sweet to me and so caring and has never said one single mean thing to me in our entire 2 year relationship. But I think this is because since I live with him he sees me as wealthy and I am not overweight and he thinks I am pretty and he loves me. I have asked him why he has to be mean to them and he says he hates fat people and he has no respect for them. He was born into this extremely wealthy family and he thinks all other people are not as good as him and I feel awful about how he treats them, and how he treats most other people too. And since he is in such good shape he thinks people that aren't fit like him are gross but not all people can look like that. He doesn't realize that not everyone can have a life like this. Is there a way to make him be nice to them? Or is he always going to be like this because of the way he was raised and I just need to accept it and keep them apart?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): Hi Londy,
Personally I could never be with someone:
a) that judgemental
b) that disrespectful to my family.
It doesn't bode well for you in the future. Say you have children together and cannot shift the baby weight? Is he going to leave you then? Are you comfortable knowing that you have to stay within his criteria and ideals in order to keep him.
I really think you should try looking at the relationship with different eyes. People mentally and physically change all the time and sometimes not how you anticipate.
As for how to get him to be nicer, communication. Sit him down and explain that whilst you understand his views on certain subjects this is your family - who, unlike him, have always been there for you and supported you, and it's important that he atleast tries to respect them and be courteous. In doing so, he is showing you 'real' love and respect.
Hope this helps in some way.
MG
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