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My boyfriend hasn't contacted me in three days

Tagged as: Faded love, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 July 2012) 11 Answers - (Newest, 6 August 2012)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid

My bf usually never calls. i am the one who always initiates the call. lately he is often hanging up the call saying he is busy when i call him. I got pissed off and told him i wont call him anymore unless he calls me,

Its been 3 days, he never called or sent me even a single text, its not like he is busy at work. he is busy hanging out with his friends and never even had 5 mts in these 3 days for sending a single text message to me. What should i do now, please help me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2012):

Before you listen to the majority of advice suggesting you break it off with him, I'm going to suggest something that could help. Write him an email or a text. Explain in loving words how it FEELS to you when you don't hear from him. Don't blame him for anything. Speak from your heart and tell him that you feel hurt or you feel disappointed when you both don't connect- whether by phone or text. Tell him that you feel sad when you have expectations that he will call or text and that it's very important to you that when he says he is going to do something, that he follow through. Tell him his word means a lot to you. Don't lash out or blame. Use this approach and see what happens. If he isn't responsive or if he blows it off with no attempt to make a concerted effort and feel love towards you then that's your answer. And then you can get the F out of the relationship and kiss him goodbye. Hope this helps * hugs*

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A female reader, adamantine Australia +, writes (10 July 2012):

adamantine agony auntDump him.

Why would you devote time to someone who won't devote time to you?

Relationships are give and take.

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A female reader, Soconfused234 United States +, writes (9 July 2012):

Soconfused234 agony auntHmmm Sounds like he wants you to chase him! And females are not to do that honey, oh no NO! Its most likely time to let him go. If he is not going to stop acting like a D.A.(which is dumbass) then cut him loose. Pray and ask God to bring you somone else that chases you. Dont waste your time anymore! Hope this helps you :)

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (9 July 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntHe’s not a very good boyfriend if when you stop rowing the relationship boat (you did this when you didn’t call him) he does not pick up and start rowing it…

In other words, all this time he’s been sitting in the back of the rowboat with you in the front… You’re rowing along… thinking he’s rowing too… and then you stop and find out, he’s NOT rowing… no wonder you’re tired… YOU ARE DOING ALL THE WORK!

Wait till he gets horny, then he will call/text and wanna see you… then you can say “oh dear I’m so sorry, you’ve been missing for X days (insert the number of days it took him to contact you)… I’ve made plans for the rest of my life!” and keep going.

HE will TRY to change his behavior.. he will ESCALATE his good behavior for a few days… he will TRY to say things that give reasons for why he did what he did… etc… DO NOT fall for them.

Relationships are not always 50/50… in fact they have to be 100/100 with everyone giving 100 percent effort most of the time…. Sure there are times we sit back and coast and let the other person work harder… but they switch back and forth…. You know that’s not happening here…

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A female reader, BondGirl72 United States +, writes (9 July 2012):

BondGirl72 agony auntI agree with all of the other posts...I've been through this and it's a pain. Start taking steps that will help you get away from him. Honestly, he is not worth your time. I know it is hard to read these words, but speaking from experience, he will never change. You may get a few crumbs of his time and attention here and there, but you deserve more than that. The problem is that you grow so accustomed to this type of behavior you come to realize that is what you think you deserve. That is not so.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012):

You need to end things with him, he sounds like an immature joker not worth your time.

I would end it and not even bother telling him you're doing so as he will probably just make some brush off remark about not caring anyway and that will make you feel worse.

If he decides to contact you, I would just ignore his calls and texts and let him know how it feels to be ignored by a person you thought cared.

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A female reader, Eyespy17 United States +, writes (9 July 2012):

You can wait a few more days if you want and then looks like you will have to initiate the breakup call.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (9 July 2012):

Aunty BimBim agony auntYou should continue to put one foot in front of the other, accept your boyfriend doesn't really care about your feelings, decide if you are willing to spend more time waiting for him to become the person you deserve or if you should simply leave the phone where it is and start rebuilding your life, without him in it ... he'll call eventually, when he wants something from you, just try not to be too available when that call finally comes.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012):

Let him stew! If he doesn't reply within another week, then he's obviously not worth your time. I know that it's difficult to let someone go, but you need to seriously think about your future with him if he's not willing to even spend a few minutes in three days on the phone to you or even sending through a text.

Hope everything turns out okay.

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A male reader, Bob Loblaw United States +, writes (9 July 2012):

It sounds like he's not there for you when you'd like him to be. If he knows how you feel about him not calling you (and it sounds like you've made that plenty clear), and yet he still blows you off like this, maybe it's time to let him go and find someone who's more present in the relationship. Good boyfriends won't treat you like crap.

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A female reader, demeplev United States +, writes (9 July 2012):

demeplev agony auntUnfortunately you wont like what I have to say, forget him try not to obsess about him and what hes thinking and doing and concentrate on what YOU want and distract yourself, find someone who cares. He doesnt sound like he wants the level you want so why hang around for crumbs? hes not necessarily wrong or bad, just doesnt want what you want so find someone who does! Im sure you will have no problem finding someone great! good luck keep us posted!peace and love

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