A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,Please help. I;m worried. MY BF has been very controlling for the last 14 months. I do not live with him, and have started getting back to my normal self, eg: feeling ok and dressing better, and getting my life back. I am trying to detach. I really do love him, but now I am trying to change things and not be such a 'victim' eg; to how/ where he wants me to be, He is losing it and acting bizarley, and seems to be tracking my every move, as he feels he is losing me. I feel like I can't win, as I am trying to change the pattern and make him see that I am not always going to be there, for when he wanst me. He is even saying that I am dressing better to attract attention from other men. All I ever wanted from him was more time and attentivness. Is he going to turn nasty? Or is he just rebelling against my new regime/ self? or is he just terrified of losing me and I should give him a chance? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (25 May 2012):
 It sounds like it's time to call it a day. You certainly sound like you have had enough of his messing about, and who can blame you!!
If you can't face telling him yourself, you could get a friend to do it for you. If he continues to contact you, other than on normal friendly terms then you need to take appropriate action like a restraining order.
Most people do go a little crazy after they are dropped but things will settle down eventually and you can stop living in fear and start enjoying your life again.
Don't be scared xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Aunty Em,No, I don;t live wih him. he lives near me. We havent; quite split up, but more or elss. I haven;t siad the words as such. basically, he has had me where he wnats me until very recently eg: he was playing alot of head games, not returning calls, messing me about, trying to control my movements. I finally found the strength to stop feeding it to it recently, and backked off. he is still trying it now and then, and trying to get me back to how I was before. I am refusing to play into it, and he is acting bizzarley, and keeps asking me if he can borrow stuff as an excuse to see me, then messing me about when returning it. I like this guy but am sick of it, and don;t know where it;s headed, as he is getting kind of werid, and depressed and being a bit nasty and mistrustful and trying to wind me up and get me to be a victim again.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (25 May 2012):
I don't really understand if you are still with him or you have split up??
Have you just moved back to your place to get away from him?
Has he shown any other controlling behaviour toward you apart from what you have stated (what your wearing and tracking you)?
If you have split with him, he has no right to tell you anything about how you are living your life and if he becomes threatening or obsessive you need to inform the police.
Women have been murdered by jealous obsessive controlling partners, both ex's and current boyfriends or husbands.
You need to be extremely careful and keep a written record of any aggressive or 'unusual' behaviour that he shows towards you...times, dates, places etc.
If you are still involved with him, then my best advice would be to see counselling of some sorts, because he desperately needs to know that controlling behaviour and jealousy can spiral out of control and he could wind up in jail even for just stalking you, let alone violence or murder.
If he whines and whinges that you are trying to attract other men, this is controlling behaviour in itself. You have the right to dress how you like, go where you like and speak to who you like...He has the problem, not you.
Be very aware and protect yourself because whatever is going on, it isn't normal and you need help.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (25 May 2012):
 He is acting bizarrely. Based on your post, the best advice i can offer is BE CAREUFL! Be safe! Please consider moving until you know for certain he wil no longer bother you.
Sorry for being such a pessimist but.... this doesn't sound good. L(
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (25 May 2012):
 Stay the course. What he's doing is very common and should ease up when he sees that it won't get him what he wants. It may take a while, but have faith and take whatever precautions you deem necessary for your own safety and well being.
I went through something like this too.
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A
female
reader, Annonymous..  +, writes (25 May 2012):
 hey girl well you should sit and talk to him and tell him how y0ou feel it will make you guys stronger and tellhim what he means to you so he wont be so insicurree!
GoooooodLUCK!
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A
female
reader, suesman12 +, writes (25 May 2012):
I would get away from him and break all ties. He will make your live a living?. I had a husband like that and had no clue he was like that until i married him and the worst part was when i left him i had to move 5 times got a restraing order and he still wouldn't leave me alone and i had to move to another state.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2012): well from what i know this could be the start as the controlling behaviour may become worse he could choose who you see and speak to ect. and the use of guilt is common to make you feel bad dont let this happen as this could apparently make controlling worse. what might be best is tell him you love him and explain that hes not going to lose you but you do need your own time as everyone does.
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