A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok so my bf and I have been having sex for almost 2 months now. We've done it about a dozen times, I have orgasmed once out of the 12 times. While I realize that I'm lucky enough to be able to get that point since I know some girls never orgasm from sex, it's somewhat discouraging as with my ex from a year ago I orgasmed almost every time. That's not the issue though really.The issue is that my bf seems like he doesn't understand the concept that women are capable of getting off. Before we had sex we would do other stuff and I would get him off every single time, me = never. It was like the second he got off, everything stops and he wouldn't touch me. One time I actually mentioned to him that u know u kind of stopped right in the middle of something and it gets frustrating when u always stop...and his response was that he has never gotten a girl off from fingering or oral sex, just sex itself like the 1 time he got me there and I should "try and think of something so that I wasnt turned on anymore". The same thing happens after sex in that he's all satisfied and he just goes and gets dressed and thats it.Now first thought made me think he is inconsiderate, but the part that confuses me is when he is doing something whether its sex, oral sex etc. He will be asking me how it feels/does it feel good and how he wants it to feel good for me too. While we are in the moment he really tries...and it's just like after he gets off he is in a completely different mindset.What are people's opinions on this? In all other aspects, he treats me amazing, its just this part. I talked to him about it that 1 time and even made the comparison of how its like me doing something to him and just stopping in the middle of it, and he was like "yeah but then I could just finish myself off too". So I don't really know where to go with this. I don't want to get mad over an issue relating to sex, because I do like doing it with him, it feels good its just that it gets instantly cut off and it sucks. What do I do people? How would you go about talking to him or subtly mentioning this without creating an issue?
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fingering, my ex, oral sex, orgasm Reply to this Question
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male
reader, lovetokissyou +, writes (9 March 2010):
sounds like to me that he is very selfish, all he really cares about is himself when it comes to sex, really it should not matter if he is finished or not he should still take care of your needs, find yourself someone that can and will do this for you and for him. A man that is truly in love with his woman will do anything for her,
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey everyone! Thank you for your insite! Yeah I'm definitely going to need to talk to him...does anyone have tips for how to bring up the conversation without sounding confrontational?? I don't want him to get mad or anything, I just want to be honest and tell him nicely so its not like I'm pointing my finger at him saying it's all his fault or something...
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (27 February 2010):
 Leave where he might see them a few magazine articles or internet web pages explaining that women that don't get regular orgasms are x times more likely to cheat on their boyfriends than those that do.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 February 2010):
I would suggest that all those other girls faked. He doesn't seem to have any idea about women at all. If he's stopping and not putting effort in, and then having his own way and just wandering off, then he's not that considerate at all. To be honest, you can do better.
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A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (27 February 2010):
 He's a selfish lover, and that's not a good thing.
Show him how you like to be touched, and perhaps ask him to go down on you before you two have sex. It's not okay for sex to be one-sided, and he needs to understand this. This can really only come about from you telling him, don't drop hints or stay silent. Speak up. It doesn't matter if he treats you "amazingly" otherwise, sex can make or break a relationship in some instances. I personally wouldn't put up with a guy who only thought about himself in the sack.
So don't be subtle, discuss this issue with him directly. It's the mature thing to do.
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