A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a very up and down relationship with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years now. It was so amazing for the first 10 months until we split, since then we have been very on and off until the start of this year when we have been getting back on track. The problem is, I know he doesnt love me. I love him so much, I want to settle down with him but he has told me he doesnt love me again 'yet'. I never actually fell out of love with him through everything that happened but he told me he didn't love me anymore when we first split. He thinks seeing me once a week is enough, he barely replies to my texts and I feel lonely and like I'm not good enough all the time; but when we are together I feel so happy, he is so lovely and caring. I've tried to tell him I want to see him more but he wont listen, he would rather play xbox, watch football etc even though I've told him I dont mind him doing that, I'd sit and read a book just to spend time with him. I feel like he will never love me and I will never be good enough. What would you do in my situation?
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female
reader, diamondshards  +, writes (2 July 2012):
Honey, how much time do you intend to waste on this guy? The more time you spend attempting to fix something that is out of your reach, the harder it will be for you to detach yourself. Think about it, had you cut it off four years ago, how much easier would it have been for you? You'd be healed already by now and, chances are, you'd have found a guy who's able to give you what you want and deserve -attention, love, affection. I'm sure part of your being tells you 'I've spent so much time on him, I can't just let it go now!'- the truth is this is not an investment- it's a waste, and the more you lose, the less you're likely to let go of it, because it gets harder every single day. So, do it now. Do it before you pass out even more chances at being the person you want to be, instead of this girl who keeps feeling like she's not good enough for a guy who'd rather play videogames than being with her. Before you lose even more self esteem, energy, love, feelings, time. Before you hurt yourself even more than you already have. Stop wasting your heart over someone who's clearly told you it's over for him, who's clearly demonstrated it, not for a month or two, but over the span of a few years. For all you know, he could be seeing someone else on the side too- don't keep subjecting yourself to this. Deep down you know this is wrong too- otherwise you wouldn't have written this post here.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (2 July 2012):
 If it was me I would end things. I know how hard it is when you love someone, it means you would need to be really strong but I think the best thing would be to end things. He has told you he does not love you, he is not making an effort to spend time with you and rekindle that love, he would rather play games than spend time with you. I know you love him and you want it to go back to the way that it was but honey he is not putting in the effort and it just won't work. I know you are hanging on and you keep hoping but it is not going to change and you could be so much happier with someone else if you just give yourself a chance. End things and concentrate on getting your life back again.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 July 2012):
 If you KNOW he doesn't love you and you've been on again off again for nearly the entire relationship, no matter HOW MUCH you love him, it's not a good or healthy relationship.
If you are lonely and don't feel good enough then what are you getting out of staying with him?
you are 21 that means you have been with him since you were around 16.
Honey it's time to be permanently OFF again and go on your way and find a man that can love you the way you deserve.
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