A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hiya everyone I have 2 children a boy and a girl my son doesn't see his father as he didn't want him I met a man 4 years ago and we have a little girl who is now 20 month we live together the problem is he will not do anything to help me with our daughter I do everything all day everyday don't get me wrong I absolutely adore my little girl she's amazing but I get no space my boyfriend will not look after her if I go shopping or out anywhere hes never changed a nappy or fed her a bottle as a baby or got up through the night to her I've tried talking to him but he's so laid back he doesn't see what the problem is any advice would be grateful i feel like a single parent thank you Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (15 August 2016):
 You say he's so "laid back." No, what you really mean is he's so LAZY. Laid back has got nothing to do with it.
You can't force him to be a part of his daughters daily life if he doesn't want to partake. The man's not stupid. He has to know he's not doing anything to help out. He can't be oblivious to this. Once again, what can you do? Ultimately, I suppose just let him form whatever relationship with your daughter that he will. And if they aren't bonded later on, well, that's on him, not you.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (14 August 2016):
 He may not see it as a problem, his opinion, but knowing there is a problem, you telling him, yet chooses do sit back just makes him selfish and lazy. You need to get vocal and directive. Tell him what you need him to do and show him how to go about it if needed. sometimes men shy away from playing their part because they feel they are unable to do things 'right' per se and sometimes they can use this as an excuse. I guess you need to drive home the message that if he is not willing to do his bit for the very child he helped create then you will have start prioritising your time and work load. For example not washing HIS clothes,Cooking HIS tea or anything else you can think of that make his life all that bit easier. Or maybe point out his reluctance will eventually make you resentful on top of tired which will result in the possibility of less action in the bedroom for him. Im not saying withholding sex as a weapon either, its a bloody reality that sex soon becomes another chore just like everything else in your day. So what if he is paying for your other child like the other poster wrote, kids are part of relationship packages and not an excuse for being a slack arse.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (14 August 2016):
 Tell him straight up what you want from him, it would be nice to think that it might change when she gets older, but my experience is that a new born baby's disengaged father will grow into a disengaged toddler's father, and so on until you have a disengaged teenager's father, and by then it will be too late to change anything.
These days dads are not pushed into the background while the mother does all the work, and many dads are right there from before birth, during birth and after, sharing the good bits as well as the nappy changing bad bits.
If he has never fed her a bottle or cuddled her too sleep he is just a lazy bum of a dad. If you feel like a single mother tell him! Also let him know that if you are going to be a single mother then you are going to do it without the added encumbrance of having him around when he isn't pulling his weight.
Its time for him to shape up or ship out!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2016): There is a probability this will change when she gets a little bit older, talks etc. I hope it for all of you. A lot of men can't handle toddlers. At a certain age your daughter will also approach him as her father anyway. Then it will show if hes really that disinterested. In a partnership with kids its important to clearly split up who has what responsibilities. If hes paying for everything including the kid you had from another partnership, maybe he sees his behavior as fair (and in this case I couldn't even blame him too much for that). Anyway, I hope it isn't really as bad as you think. Some men are a bit lazy when it comes to kids (especially very young kids), but as long as he makes your life easier in general than if you really were alone, I'd say its worth try seeing the positive things about your relationship.
...............................
|
